Marriage encounter


#1

Has anyone ever attended marriage encounter with their spouse? Is NFP talked about?
I am still trying to convince my dh to practice NFP. He is still not convinced. I have tried to locate where the closest NFP classes are in CCLI. The closest couples are over 300 miles away. How sad is that?


#2

Julie and I have gone on ME. There was no discussion to my recollection of NFP, but it’s been a while.

All the same, ME is still a good option to consider. It often helps couples communicate better about their feelings and possibly other important matters. I only mention it because if you have difficulty communicating with him (to your satisfaction, at least :wink: ) on this issue then it begs the question whether a systemic solution to communication such as ME may help.

I’m interested in the tactical details of your trying to “convince” your dh and the nature and line of his defense, because as someone who is not easily convinced and has in the past had a lot to say against certain weird teachings (or perceived attitudes) and tactics used by advocates of NFP I might be able to help you understand where the resistance is or how you might be coming across to him.

Alan


#3

I asked him again this morning and his statement to me is that it would be selfish for him to ejaculate inside of me everytime.

We are currently using withdrawl. It has worked for 2 years, now. I know it is not effective, but he feels better not ejaculating inside of me. I do have to mention that he is against the bc pill.

I just can’t get him off the selfish mode.

Any help?

It frustrates me that I live in a very Catholic area and the closest NFP classes are 300 miles away. If someone could explain it to him better than I can, I know he would be open to it.


#4

[quote=Jocelyn]I asked him again this morning and his statement to me is that it would be selfish for him to ejaculate inside of me everytime.

We are currently using withdrawl. It has worked for 2 years, now. I know it is not effective, but he feels better not ejaculating inside of me. I do have to mention that he is against the bc pill.

I just can’t get him off the selfish mode.

Any help?

It frustrates me that I live in a very Catholic area and the closest NFP classes are 300 miles away. If someone could explain it to him better than I can, I know he would be open to it.
[/quote]

Wow. It’s like selfish inside-out. I’d think he’s missing out on the best part from the purely “physical self” point of view, but then again I can’t actually answer the question so maybe I’d best not opine on other matters… :o

Sounds like a great deal of fear involved, but it’s just a hunch.

Alan


#5

Jocelyn,

How about just having him talk to your priest?

Maybe your priest can explain that our fertility is what makes us inherently who we are, male or female. When your husband does not ejaculate inside of you, he is withholding himself from you. He is saying, here I give you all of myself BUT my fertility–which as I said, is the most defining part of our personhood!

You are one flesh with your spouse. He has no business choosing when or if he will give himself to you completely.

Abby


#6

CCL is not the only organization that teaches NFP. They are the only one to my knowledge that uses the couples-teaching-couples method, but FertilityCare fertilitycare.org/ and Creighton creightonmodel.com/ also have teachers all over the world. Also, if you check out the Paul VI institute, they can possibly help you find one closer. Also, there is a parish around here that has a non-affiliated NFP teacher that only does it for that particular parish. Should these avenues not pan out, there is also the CCL Home Study course, and maybe if you and the Lord convince him someday, you would be a wonderful teaching couple!


#7

[quote=Princess_Abby]Jocelyn,

How about just having him talk to your priest?

Maybe your priest can explain that our fertility is what makes us inherently who we are, male or female. When your husband does not ejaculate inside of you, he is withholding himself from you. He is saying, here I give you all of myself BUT my fertility–which as I said, is the most defining part of our personhood! "

I am not going to comment whether NFP is correct or not, but the idea that fertility is our defining characteristic as people is a huge exaggeration in my book. What about our intelligence, ability to reason, our conscience, etc.? All animals can reproduce. I would hardly say that fertility is my defining characteristic.
[/quote]


#8

[quote=Princess_Abby]Jocelyn,

How about just having him talk to your priest?

Maybe your priest can explain that our fertility is what makes us inherently who we are, male or female. When your husband does not ejaculate inside of you, he is withholding himself from you. He is saying, here I give you all of myself BUT my fertility–which as I said, is the most defining part of our personhood!

Abby
[/quote]

I am not going to comment whether NFP is correct or not, but the idea that fertility is our defining characteristic as people is a huge exaggeration in my book. What about our intelligence, ability to reason, our conscience, etc.? All animals can reproduce. I would hardly say that fertility is my defining characteristic.


#9

[quote=bapcathluth]I am not going to comment whether NFP is correct or not, but the idea that fertility is our defining characteristic as people is a huge exaggeration in my book. What about our intelligence, ability to reason, our conscience, etc.? All animals can reproduce. I would hardly say that fertility is my defining characteristic.
[/quote]

Not to hijack this thread, but just want to clarify…animals reproduce & don’t think twice about it; humans procreate and have a choice in the matter, as the original post demonstrates.


#10

[quote=bapcathluth]I am not going to comment whether NFP is correct or not, but the idea that fertility is our defining characteristic as people is a huge exaggeration in my book. What about our intelligence, ability to reason, our conscience, etc.? All animals can reproduce. I would hardly say that fertility is my defining characteristic.
[/quote]

The first thing God said to Adam and Eve in the book of Genesis is, “Be fruitful and multiply.” He didn’t say, Go read a book.

You are a woman or a man first and foremost and your personhood is defined through that characteristic. A man AND a woman can be intelligent, reasonable, conscientious, etc. That is not a defining characteristic nor unique. ONLY men are fertile all the time. ONLY women can bear children. In marriage, a couple’s defining uniqueness between one another is specifically their sexuality and attribute of fertility.

Anyway, you are welcome to be offended, but I don’t want to hijack this thread either. To the OP, your husband can offer you his intelligence, his reasonableness his…whatever, but only in the marital act can he offer you his life-giving fertility–the aspect that fits the two of you together as God intended. If that wasn’t a case, we’d have have same-sex marriages because our fertility would be irrelevant.


#11

[quote=Jocelyn]I asked him again this morning and his statement to me is that it would be selfish for him to ejaculate inside of me everytime.

We are currently using withdrawl. It has worked for 2 years, now. I know it is not effective, but he feels better not ejaculating inside of me. I do have to mention that he is against the bc pill.

I just can’t get him off the selfish mode.

Any help?

It frustrates me that I live in a very Catholic area and the closest NFP classes are 300 miles away. If someone could explain it to him better than I can, I know he would be open to it.
[/quote]

Unfortunately, not only is it not effective, but it is also sinful.
Please read the following links to documents that discuss the gravity of the sin of coitus interruptus, aka, “the sin of Onan” or "withdrawal."
catholic.com/thisrock/1997/9704chap.asp
ccli.org/nfp/morality/bible.php
catholic.com/thisrock/1991/9107chap.asp

You can get a great ***free ***CD called “Marriage and the Eucharist” here:
catholicity.com/maryfoundation/

You can get another free CD called “Planning your Family God’s Way” here:
giftfoundation.org/pages/planning_your_family.htm

And you can get a multitude of resources about nfp/contraception here:
www.omsoul.com

Until you locate someone who can discuss this with the two of you together, there is a wealth of good information, powerful witnesses and persuasive apologetics contained within these links & on these CDs!


#12

Why does he not believe in the birth control pill?

Does he have a moral issue with taking it, or perhaps health concerns?

If he has a moral issue with bc pill, then why not withdrawal? According to the Church they are both problematic – although granted withdrawal is not an abortifacient. Where do his morals come from if not the Church? If they come from the Church, then we evidently have a pick-and-choose idea.

If it’s about health concerns, then that’s another issue entirely.

If all men had such problems that their wives wish they would ejaculate into them, then a lot of men I know would not have the seemingly larger problems they have.

Alan


#13

[quote=AlanFromWichita].

If it’s about health concerns, then that’s another issue entirely.

Alan
[/quote]

That’s an interesting idea actually… I wonder if he thinks he’s dirtying his wife by ejaculating inside her??


#14

omsoul.com/item531.Free-copy-of-Contraception–Why-Not.html

omsoul.com/item430.Humanae-Vitae-and-Conscience.html

These talks are very good. Maybe your husband would be willing to devote about two hours to listen to them, possibly on his commute to work.

Ask him to listen to them by himself and then share hs thoughts. When he does, don’t argue or refute what he says even if he doesn’t understand. Just thank him for listening and condisering. Then pray. The truth will work on his heart.


#15

Those talks are very good! I listened to one that we were handed at some prolife function, possibly the March for Life. I highly recommend them!


#16

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