Marriage for 50+ age


#1

What is the view of the Church on people over 50 seeking Marriage, or to marry again after their spouse dies? What are your views? Normally when we think of Marriage we think of young folks. How about those over 50?


#2

[quote="mh2007, post:1, topic:207014"]
What is the view of the Church on people over 50 seeking Marriage, or to marry again after their spouse dies? What are your views? Normally when we think of Marriage we think of young folks. How about those over 50?

[/quote]

I think that it is acceptable in the Church. As for my own opinion, it is perfectly all right(of course, as long as a divorce is not involved). Then again, if God seems to be calling a widow or widower to religious life(or, in the case of a man, to the priesthood), he should do whatever he can to remain celibate.


#3

My wife and I are alive and well, so I can only relate things I have seen from my contemporaries. It seems that marriage after fifty is not something that is without serious considerations.

People seem to be more rigid in their habits, in their preferences, and in much of the spectrum that is life as they age. Put that together with families that may feel threatened by the new spouse and you have some issues to resolve.

There are likely houses to sell, investments to manage, pension planning, retirement allocations, tax considerations, inheritances to plan, and who knows what else. It is complicated.

I have seen older couples split in no time at all, but I have seen perfect partners come together. Maybe looking at all the issues with a clear eye, getting all the legal and family arrangements done ahead of time, and then looking to the romantic smooths the way. It is most certainly dangerous to leave loose ends until after the wedding. An "I thought my children were getting" could lead to a disaster.


#4

[quote="mh2007, post:1, topic:207014"]
What is the view of the Church on people over 50 seeking Marriage, or to marry again after their spouse dies? What are your views? Normally when we think of Marriage we think of young folks. How about those over 50?

[/quote]

As long as a man and a woman are free to marry, it's my understanding that the Church is just fine with marriage at any age. Catholic marriage vows are until death, so widows and widowers are free to marry.

But no one should feel the need to remarry. Like any vocation, marriage is a unique calling that depends on God's will for the individuals' lives.

I am only 29 so I don't have too many strong personal opinions. I think marriage is a wonderful thing, and I am glad to be getting married this autumn. I waited longer than many of my peers to marry, and I can definitely see the hardships of being single and the natural benefits of marriage. But again, each situation is different. As others have pointed out, later vocations may bring with them additional factors to consider.


#5

The Church has no position on whether or not people over the age of 50 should, or should not marry or remarry.

The only position the church has on whether anyone can marry is: Are they eligible to marry, and are their any impediments to marriage involved?

If my wife were to die, I would not hesitate to remarry, provided that i found someone that was willing to marry me. I would even be open to children (even though it would likely take a miracle for people in that age group to have them).

I have told my wife repeatedly that if i die, I hope she will remarry. She has been a marvelous wife, a fantastic step-mother and later legal mother to my children (my daughters chose her, she had been their teacher in school). I know that she has more than enough love to be a great wife to someone else.


#6

[quote="Young_Thinker, post:2, topic:207014"]
I think that it is acceptable in the Church. As for my own opinion, it is perfectly all right(of course, as long as a divorce is not involved). Then again, if God seems to be calling a widow or widower to religious life(or, in the case of a man, to the priesthood), he should do whatever he can to remain celibate.

[/quote]

I would like to bring in another angle on this question. What about couples who meet reach other after the age of 50 - perhaps never having married or perhaps widowed. Should they feel they HAVE to marry in order to remain "practicing" catholics if they decide to live together particularly if their main concern is companionship?


#7

I would say yes. Companionship is one of the purposes of marriage, and “living together,” even without physical intimacy, could bring scandal.


#8

"Companionship is one of the purposes of marriage, and "living together," even without physical intimacy, could bring scandal."

In that case would you say that two practicing catholics of the same sex over 50 also should not live together for companionship for fear of people thinking they were homosexual and so cause scandal?


#9

[quote="claire0202, post:8, topic:207014"]
"Companionship is one of the purposes of marriage, and "living together," even without physical intimacy, could bring scandal."

In that case would you say that two practicing catholics of the same sex over 50 also should not live together for companionship for fear of people thinking they were homosexual and so cause scandal?

[/quote]

Nowadays, people often automatically leap to conclusions over the issue of very close friends of the same gender. I think that a case of such friends sharing a house is a little different than if they were of opposite genders and not married to one another.


#10

I think there's a difference between people seeing scandal unreasonably and those who are genuinely mislead by other people's apparent actions, even if such actions aren't present.

One has to take a view: two elderly (or older) people of either opposite or same genders need not be required to live apart if it would be just for them to live in the same house.

I share my house with another guy and I'm not (yet) old! We don't share bedrooms though and were anyone to think we were, well that's their problem, not mine. For anyone who asks me directly I will summarise the nature of the arrangement (financial necessity, etc) to enough level to satisfy legitimate concerns about morality, but for those who can't make the effort to check with me themselves and prefer just to suppose and then gossip, then I won't - and shouldn't have to - take responsibility for their bearing false witness against me.

As for marriage at an older age, well, provided the man and woman are suitably disposed towards one another and willing to make the required commitment, then what's the problem?

Mind you, if there are children of prior marriages (I'm assuming widowed here or just possibly annulled) then they ought to take careful stock of the situation with the children should one partner pre-decease the other. Too many children end up disinherited of their rightful shares as a result in my opinion (I've seen it happen to a friend who's father remarried after her mother's death: he then died, the new wife got everything and my friend will never get a penny since the new wife will not leave anything to her).


#11

"(Mind you, if there are children of prior marriages (I'm assuming widowed here or just possibly annulled) then they ought to take careful stock of the situation with the children should one partner pre-decease the other. Too many children end up disinherited of their rightful shares as a result in my opinion (I've seen it happen to a friend who's father remarried after her mother's death: he then died, the new wife got everything and my friend will never get a penny since the new wife will not leave anything to her)."

This is the very point I wanted to bring out. I do not believe Jesus would want this to happen and nor would he want two people to live their lives out alone or without mutual help if he has provided them with a companion, possibly after all desire for physical intimacy has flown., Marriage in this case would be invalid anyway in the eyes of the church & open to annulment due "non consummation" or entering marriage with the wrong disposition. I do not believe that "for the avoidance of scandal" is a good enough reason for marriage.


#12

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