My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years, together for 5. We have a great son who is 3 years old. Lately things have been really hard for us. I know we are both stressed out but it seems like recently we have been at each other's throats. We got in a huge fight on Saturday and I left for a few nights. I'm back home now and (like after all our big fight) things seem fine, like nothing ever happened. We really haven't "talked" about what happened. We briefly discussed it but not nearly to the extent I think it needs to be discussed. I know my husband would rather we not and is perfectly happy with just getting on with life.
I love my husband, son and my life more than anything but am finding it really hard to come to terms with everything being "fine.' Could anyone please suggest anything...a book, I could read to help me be a better wife, help us all be a better family?
Any advice at all would be great. thanks
Early in our marriage when we were having trouble communicating, my husband and I wrote letters to each other. That way we could express what we had to say with the benefit of being able to carefully think it through and also being able to completely express ourselves without the spouse interrupting. Expression through writing also helps to tone down the emotion. I would write a letter and leave it on his pillow, and within a day or so he would write back. We did that back and forth a couple of times, and then we were able to discuss it verbally and resolve it. This method helped us, maybe it will work for you too.
Can you just have a chat and treat this as a normal part of life? My wife and I went together for 24 years until we married. Those years were full of fighting fussing on off, things that life is made of. That's the way we dealt with it as something everybody goes through but they are hiding it in the closet. I don't recommend counseling but you aren't me, I pray things work out you sound like the two of you love each very much. Cling to the Lord Jesus he can fix anything broken or not.
If your husband was not a threat to you or your son (and I mean real harm, not just disrespect), and he was not committing sins so grave so as to cause moral scandal to your son, then you were dead wrong to leave the home for several days like that. It doesn’t matter what you were fighting about: money, child discipline, family plans, priorities, chores, or whatever the rest of us married folk go through regularly. Even certain bad habits should be worked out together, but never apart, unless you issued some kind of ultimatum, or he told you to get lost, which, quite frankly, doesn’t seem to be the case here. Are you surprised that he doesn’t want to talk about it? You took off! What did you think his reaction would be? I’ve been married for more than 7 years. I’ve slept on the couch a few times, but I’ve never slept somewhere other than home. You son is 3. What kind of message did you send him by leaving his father like that?
Please be careful next time, because let’s face it, there will be a next time. The honeymoon is over, and this is where true love is created. Everything we do has eternal consequences.
Something said once in a pre-Cana class made an impact on me: As to potential disagreements within a marriage, before you argue with your spouse, consider this question: Is what I am about to argue over, so important to me that I really want my spouse – who I love more than anyone else – to lose the argument, and feel bad about later? Seen with that backdrop, lots of things become not worth arguing over.