Marriage in College

To all my brothers and sisters in Christ,

My name is Scott. I have been involved with my girlfriend for over a year and a half. We are each currently sophomores in undergraduate programs at the same university, and I plan on attending a graduate program. The question for us is not so much the question “are we going to marry” (we are always praying for our vocations), but more if God wants us to be together, when should we do it? I like to think each of us are more mature for our age, and we have had many talks about the subject. Our reasons for wanting to be married are very typical. We have a selfless love for each other, we want each of us to get to heaven (which would be much easier if purity wasn’t so hard), and to spend the rest of our lives together. For me, my biggest issue is finances, mostly heath care. My current idea is to be engaged the summer before our junior year, do pre-cana at the university (We attend Franciscan University of Steubenville, go FUS!!) who has a wonderful program for couples that get married here at the university, then get married the summer before or winter of our senior year. As I stated before, life is a constant discernment and I am asking for your advice. Please do not just say do it or do not do it, please give me expanded reasons on why you take the stance that you do. I thank all of you in advance, and may God bless you all!

Hello,

Well I guess I can relate to you since I am also at the university with my senior year ending in May though I have a different vocation I feel (priesthood) but I’ll tell you what I think based on friends and my personal opinion.

Getting married in college is tough. My friend married his girlfriend of 5 years and they are very challenged money wise. They get help from their parents once and awhile but otherwise many of their expenses are done by them. Both work to take care of the expenses and both go to school. I can only imagine how hard all of that must be as school is already hard in itself but to also balance work and a marriage…that is difficult. They married each other for the same reasons…because they couldn’t handle not being together and didn’t see a point in waiting.

Personally I feel that marriage should be done after you are both financially stable. This is usually after college and job placement months later. This forces a lot of couples to wait and like waiting for anything it’s difficult, especially when you know what you want. I go crazy over waiting for things in the mail to come in! But the key thing is to wait. There are many benefits to waiting but its just something we have failed to understand as the “microwave” generation. You would be able to offer her a stable environment, financial support, and even maybe a more enjoyable beginning marriage without all the added stress of getting married in college.

Any way thats just my :twocents:. I wish you luck and will be praying for both of you.

Two can live almost as cheaply as one , usually it is cheaper to rent a one bedroom place as opposed to renting twp one bedroom places. And now with healthcare on the parents plan going to age 26 that might help out too.

Good luck.

Peace

I do not know if financial stability is so vital. After all, in this day and age financial stability is something difficult to obtain. I am also reminded of a line from Fiddler on the Roof when the young man says that even a simple tailor deserves some happiness. God loves the poor and the idea that we should all chase money is more American than it is Christian.

That being said, while you may always face the possibility of financial difficulty, I do believe the financial independence is vital. If one is still supported by Mommy and Daddy, than he is not ready to be a responsible husband. Marriage is tough enough, and in-laws tougher, without asking for money and in-laws to combine into a monsterous wedge between two newlyweds. Consider that if you our your intended is receiving funds from parents, then the parents have a financial interest to insert themselves in you marriage. It will probably get ugly at some time.

My daughter got married at 20 while it college. Her husband had to drop out of the workforce to support them both. It has been tough, but I am very proud of them both. They are struggling on their own and doing okay. Struggle is not a bad thing.

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