Marriage in crisis over "the ring"


#1

Oh dear. It may seems silly, and it’s almost embarrassing, but our marriage is dead silent over my broken wedding ring! My husband is VERY angry with me and I don’t know what to do.

On the 4th of July, I lost the diamond out of my wedding ring. It is almost a 1 carat solitaire that he bought at Costco, set in platinum. With a few prayers to St. Anthony, I was able to find my diamond (it had fallen out on my kitchen floor). I was at my mom’s when I realized it was gone, but remember hearing something fall onto the floor when I was wiping the countertops at home that morning. I just thought I had wiped off a little tack nail I had seen on the counter and didn’t pay any mind as I was going to sweep anyways. Well, when I got home, I searched through all of the vaccum dirt (ewww) because I had swept and then I always just suck it up with the vaccuum. It wasn’t there so I got down on the floor and found the diamond up against the toekick of the cabinets. Talk about a super happy girl! :smiley:

BUT, this would be the third time we would have to repair this ring. So this argument began. I feel that it’s the setting itself that is faulty, and that it’s silly to keep repairing it every year and risk losing the diamond for good one of these times. He feels that it’s because the setting is platinum and that we never should have went with platinum. I talked to Costco and they said they would give us a full refund and we could go from there.

We went to Costco the day after the 4th and looked at what they have, but on the way home was when he stopped speaking to me. That evening he came unglued and said that all I want is a “new ring” and that I looked like so giddy looking at the rings in the jewelery case that day. He said that all I ever think about is myself and that I never cared about the ring that he bought me for our engagement. He is bent at me, and no matter how much I explain myself, he remains angry.

He saw me crying when I told him that I lost it. I told him that when I look at that ring, I remember where we came from. Things are so different now, and it’s a sweet reminder of our beginning. It’s $150 every time we repair it and I don’t want to lose the diamond for good. :eek:

He’s angry because I looked at new rings instead of just going to a jewelery store and asking them to repair it. Yet, he seems to think that platinum is what’s causing the problem which made me think that he wanted me to switch to white gold. When we were at Costco I saw a white gold solitaire and a white gold pave band and I said “These would be fine.” He’s steamed about that because he says that it made him feel like I would just throw away my wedding ring.

What are some other solutions? And how do I cool things down and repair this hurt I’ve caused my husband? I don’t know what to do! :confused:


#2

**Wow, what a silly thing to fight over! And I am not patronizing you…my hubby have stupid fights like this and your story in black and white just made me embarrassed for us too:o.

If I were you I’d go in a talk with a jeweler. Someone who is reputable and isn’t just trying to sell you something. Maybe just ask general questions first without even letting them know about this problem. Ask if platinum is known for this (which I HIGHLY doubt it is since it is a harder metal than gold and less likely to bend). Also ask which type of setting they would recommend for a solitaire. My guess is that your setting is for “show” and may not be the right type to keep a solitaire secure during regular day to day activities…**

**as for your husband’s over reaction, if you find a way to **quench his angry fire please let me know how so i can use the trick on my hubby when we have our next dumb fight;)


#3

Hello…I’m not a jeweler…but I like jewelry.:wink:

Firstly…is it your wedding ring or engagement ring? Because instead of fixing it constantly, you could buy a simple band and have it blessed.

But…platinum should be stronger than even 18 kt gold. My wedding band is platinum, I wear it all the time…do everything in it and it looks perfect.

Do you know a really good jeweler to have the ring looked at?Perhaps the setting isn’t the right type for the stone…so the stone puts pressure on it.

Bottom line is that a well made ring shouldn’t need to be repaired that often.

BTW…I had a coworker that had a lot of “bling” she would purchase her jewelry at a specific store (pm me if you want the name) she had some type of “warranty” that would repair the jewelry and if not possible replace it. Might be worth it.

Also. what shape is your stone? Because, same fancy coworker, said that a round stone should have 6 prongs holding it in place. Some settings have 4 and that makes it more likely for the stone to be lost.


#4

Give him the diamond and the band and let him decide how he wants to handle it. Tell him you love him, and you love you ring and whatever he decides will be lovely.

And, however he chooses to handle it-- don’t say a word. Even if the diamond falls out again. Even if you lose it.

Just make sure you take out insurance on it (remember, homeowner’s doesn’t usually cover valuables like this) so if you lose the diamond you are covered.


#5

When you get it repaired, are you going to Costo or any other “chain” store? I would suggest you go to a reputable jeweler who makes and repairs on site. Explain what is happening, and they can advise if you do have a setting that simply does not work with your lifestyle. Perhaps you should change from prongs to a bezel setting? A good jeweler will be able to find the problem and help you fix it.

And if a one carat solitare on a plat band is considered some kind of a “lesser” ring, you can give it to me! Actually, no, I am not a diamond person, but, it sounds like a lovely ring.

Does sound like there may be something else going on with you DH. Maybe let him know how much you appreciate him!


#6

This is the wedding ring, and the diamond is a round brilliant cut. The diamond was in a 6 prong tiffany setting, but it just seems like the setting is wrong. Thanks for telling me about your ring- I feel that a well made ring should hold up to my light everyday activities. I’m a SAHM right now going back into my second year of nursing school in the fall.

Part of why we bought where we did was because they will repair it free of charge, but they send it away and it takes 6-8 weeks to get it back. Plus the quality of diamonds there is really good. When we inquired the first time it needed repair, I didn’t like the idea of mailing my ring around the country so opted to pay for the repair ourselves. We didn’t know it would be a routine thing.:shrug:

I think it would be good to go talk to a jeweler. Do you think it would be possible to melt all of the platinum down and build a whole new setting from it? We liked our setting, it has three bands which for us symbolized the trinity. He proposed out of the blue one night when we were sitting in the car after a date talking about the mystery of the trinity.


#7

We did look into insurance on the ring right after our engagement, but it seems like it ran $30/month??? Seems high to me since our whole homeowner’s policy is $48/month. Is $30 normal or should it be less?

Good advice about giving it to him and seeing what he does with it. It’s hard though, because I’d like it to come back in platinum still:o I know that diamond’s not going anywhere!! It’s too pretty!


#8

We had the bands welded at a chain jeweler right before the wedding and they welded the platinum together with 14k gold!:mad: So no, we won’t ever make that same mistake. We will need to find a good jeweler, it looks like. I’m worried about how much it will cost to build a new setting, though.:ouch:


#9

I think so. I think that the prong parts can also be completely replaced.

Also, with my engagement ring, the jeweler took measurements of the stone…then the stone went back to DH. Then he built the setting…and then DH went back with stone, and the jeweler set the stone all in front of DH. The stone was always in DH’s posession.

I too would feel weird if it had to go out for 6 to 8 weeks.


#10

#11

Hmmm…recommendations I guess. I had a jeweler that I used all the time, we actually purchased our wedding bands from him. He is really honest, which I really like in a jeweler.

There is also a chain (but I am not sure if it’s nationwide) but they have a good reputation with jewelry… it begins with an F…
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#12

I have had custom jewelry made on several occasions.

Platinum is much harder and is far less likely to bend or distort that silver or gold. (The higher the karat weight of gold, the softer it is.)

Personally, I would forget Costco and skip the chains and oither big-box jewlers when it comes to real jewelry repair. Your best bet is to find a small jeweler who makes custom settings and jewelry. Have your husband take it to them and give the jeweler carte blanche to fix it. Do not be surprised if the jeweler tells you there is some defect in the metal or the diamond and you need a new setting or ring. (There is no such thing as discount jewelry.)


#13

I don’t think you are listening to your husband. Something about your demeanor and attitude while shopping for a ring made him hurt and upset. Something has dinged his male ego. you say he had this specially made for you, are you too anxious to replace it? Could he interpret your needing to have it repaired so often as a symptom of not liking it - and, in a bizarre chain of male logic rejecting him as well?

You’ve hurt your husband over this. It’s not the ring, it’s something deeper. You’re not fighting over a ring, but it may be hard to figure out what’s got him upset. Think hard. The answer is in there.


#14

Totally agree here… for you it is about the ring… for him it is not… I am willing to bet bottom dollar that he is feeling like a failure in the jewelry shopping department… guys take things so personally… the ring breaks… it is their fault for buying a faulty product…kwim??? On the other hand… love the ring and he will take credit for your happiness forever more… so when you looked happy looking at other rings, he took it as not being happy with the first therefore not being happy with him…got it?


#15

I’m a guy, but I didn’t buy my wife’s engagement ring alone. We went together after we decided to get married. So, when the diamond fell out the first time, we just had it fixed. It’s been fixed a few times, and finally we had a jeweler make a new setting for it.

I think some guys are really proud and emotionally invested in the whole engagement ring/proposal process. To see your wife all exited and giddy over dumping the ring you are so proud of and getting another is probably a kick in the, well, somewhere that hurts.

Next thing you know, you’ll want to hold the remote while you guys watch TV. :slight_smile:


#16

Take it to a reputable jeweler, let them look at it and tell you what is wrong with it. Every time you take it in to a jeweler, do not let them take it into the back to work on it unless you have them MARK your diamond. Every diamond has flaws. They should map out those flaws for you and SHOW you where those flaws are. A reputable jeweler will do this each and every time they work on your ring.
Also a reputable jeweler should be IGI certified. Google IGI and they might list the jewelers in your area that hold this certification. I would choose one that can do the work right there in their shop, not one that has to send it out. Typically when they send it out, they do not send it to a IGI certified jeweler, they just send it to someone that knows how to do the basics.
Ask the jeweler for a warranty on his/her work.


#17

GM,

Very insightful.:ehh: :smiley: Rings true, and yes- I can see him thinking that me looking at other rings means I never liked this one in the first place and that somehow this reflects a rejection of him. My husband is normally a “shrug it off” kind of guy, so much so that sometimes this really irritates me when I want to feel like he cares more about things. So this whole thing has really taken me by surpise. I did hurt him, though I never meant to.

I think that he loved that when he first bought the ring, I said that it was so beautiful and classic, and exactly what I see myself wearing forever. He must have treasured that statement more than I knew and seeing me “window shop” shredded that perfect moment to pieces. How do I fix something like this between us?


#18

I think you’re right. What would you want your wife to do in order to repair this sort of lost pride? Any great ideas?


#19

Just blame it on being a woman, lol. Tell him that when you get in front of pretty “bling” you can’t control yourself and you love it ALL. Explain to him that that in NO WAY takes away from how much you love HIS choice. Just that you got a little carried away. Tell him that you’ve had lots of time to think about this and, while you loved seeing all of those new rings, you could never imagine yourself wearing anything other than HIS ring. Then tell him that you would like to get an expert jeweler to fix it in the proper way so that you will never lose the stone and can wear it all the time. Problem solved (hopefully:thumbsup:).

p.s it would be really helpful if he has an area where he tends to lose control (like cars or other man toys, lol) so that you can make the comparision.


#20

No offense but I think you have more problems then a ring. It sounds like there is more to this then that, I dont think you can cool things down, that husband of yours has issues that i think you need to address. There is no reason for a person to get that upset about a ring. Its wasnt your fault for goodness sake, if he wants to vent his anger it should be at the place you bought your ring not at you. I think its deeper than the ring!


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