Marriage in university?


#1

Dear all,

My mother and father, more than half of my nine siblings, and a number of my friends were married in university. Does anyone have any thoughts on the pros and cons of such an undertaking?

God bless,

Agricola

(Those who know me… don’t laugh!)


#2

like “while attending” the university or like getting married on the grounds?
cuz like some people actually get married on the grounds at my school. during the summer they book one of the libraries, Suzzallo (which looks like a cathedral, actually that was kind of the idea) for weddings.
I can tell you Universities are never dead, there is always someone somehwere for some reason. So you might have people walking through your wedding or at least popping in on the sides (given how rude and oblivious to others some people are).


#3

[quote=Agricola]Dear all,

My mother and father, more than half of my nine siblings, and a number of my friends were married in university. Does anyone have any thoughts on the pros and cons of such an undertaking?

!)
[/quote]

we were married while we were in college, parents protested vehemently, afraid we would not finish our education. They were wrong, it was hard but it can be done. We also started our family right away, which meant my education was delayed but finally accomplished. More important for DH to finish and start earning. I found it much easier going to school when the kids were little, that can work out well with some planning and flexibility.


#4

I think it’s completely dependent upon the two individuals involved. Neither DH nor I would have been good marriage material in college. But, I know others who married in college and did just fine.


#5

Now Agricola, what a very interesting question to ask in a public, Catholic forum…

I suppose I should give some constructive advice…

I believe there should be at least one income… if only a very little small one that puts moldy bread on the table… err… or floor upon which the happy couple sits to eat… and some sort of semi-impermeable shelter overtop their heads… I don’t think a couple should be living off of two student loans…

From what I’ve perused in a few of your posts, you seem to be very pro-life, to the point of questioning ANY use of NFP… always an admirable thing… So there should also be an awareness of the possibility of children. Of course there’s no certainty you’ll have children right away, but the Lord does tend to give generous gifts when hearts are open and willing…

What else? Oh yes… I think you must have a good understanding of your wife’s academic aspirations. While you may want to spend every moment with your new, beautiful, bride, she may have essays to write, exams to study for, and a part-time job to work. The reverse is also true of course- you having work to do… your wife wanting to spend every moment with you… You must both understand that this will really be a challenge, and you must be prepared to handle it well…

But hey! If you have discerned God’s will… if you trust in Him… if the time seems right… if she says yes…

You have my blessing… :wink:


#6

I finished college a year early, so my husband and I got married while he was still finishing his last year. I worked at the hospital associated with his college (Emory University) and we got an apartment really close by. We only had one car, and that was all we needed since we were both going to the same place. We were very happy that we didn’t wait for him to finish his degree before starting our married life together.


#7

[quote=Mary]You have my blessing… :wink:
[/quote]

Dear Mary,

I have your blessing? Do you know how much that means to me? :slight_smile:

I guess I should start planning then, eh? :wink:

God bless,

Agricola


#8

I got married in university. My husband was doing his PhD, I was doing my bachelors degree. The one thing we didn’t really think about was how much impact a baby would have on study. So when I got pregnant, I figured I’d finish part-time. Baby was sickly for the first year of her life so I couldn’t study as I needed to care for her. Once there was a baby, the scholarsips we were living on were inadequate so my husband rushed his PhD and got a job. Along came another baby … Anyway that first baby is now about to turn 13 and I am just about to get into some study again on a very part-time basis (we now have 5 children).

Was it easy? No. Would I do it again. Yes. Would I complete my own study before having a baby? I don’t know. But I would have made more effort to finish when we had less children.

There’s nothing wrong about getting married during college but it has it’s own challenges.


#9

DH and I got married when I had 1 year of college left and he had 3 years left. We were protestants at the time, and so had no problem with ABC. We delayed starting a family until we’d payed off our student loans - two years after DH graduated, we had paid off $52,000 in loans. :eek:

Now, with my understanding of Catholic theology, I think we probably should have waited to get married until we were ready to welcome children. We would have been in a financial pickle if I’d gotten pregnant before paying off those loans, with both of us having to work; not what we wanted for our kids.

If you are open to having kids while in university, then there should be no problem getting married. I assume you’ll be working part time (we both worked about 20 hrs/wk), so you won’t have much non-homework time together. Do what we did: don’t get a TV until after you both graduate! It was the best advice we were ever given. The few minutes of down time you have will be better spent talking than watching the tube. 10 years later, we still don’t have a TV, and it’s great.


#10

About half of my friends were engaged junior/senior year of college and married right after graduation. I would have married my college sweetheart, but he decided to sleep with my roommate in lieu of proposing. :bigyikes:

[font=Arial]I couldn’t believe I graduated college without a husband or even boyfriend. I felt like I had missed the boat and was doomed to a single life. Thank God I eventually grew to love my independence. After a couple years, I met the man who is now my husband and was married at the old age of 25.[/font]


#11

My husband and I were just married in August. We are now expecting our first baby this May. I am in my last year of an undergrad program, he is in the 1st year of his Masters. We both have loans, but we trust in God. We felt a strong call to marriage and to being completely open to life from day one, and so we’ve responded to these calls the best we can.

Sometimes I think God calls us to our vocation when we least expect it. It shouldn’t surprise us that it can seem as though He chooses the most inconvenient time. Isn’t that the point? Fulfilling our vocation should bring us to our knees. For some people, I believe this trek to holiness can begin even during postsecondary education. We were uneasy about delaying this call to serve, as we felt it so strongly, and so now we’re married. The blessings have been immense! It’s amazing how much God blesses us when we give Him just a little trust. :slight_smile:


#12

God calls each of us differently. For me, I am waiting a long, lonely 14 months for my fiance to graduate. We discerned that this was God’s will for us as a couple. We also gave serious consideration to the fact that my parents would have been pretty displeased to have us marrying with only me employed, and it was doubtful I would have found a job in the university area anyway.
They also wanted him to have a job before we married, and thankfully God has provided that as well. We’ll be moving to Baltimore once he graduates and we get hitched.


closed #13

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