Marriage is struggling

I am very upset. I found out this evening my husband has been sending explicit messages and pictures via a message app to someone from a chat room. He did this before several years ago and we worked through it and he promised me he would never do it again. He swears this has only been going on a short while but I simply don’t believe him. He is very contrite and we have both been in tears. I think he is addicted to porn. He is not religious at all (I found my faith after we married). He claims I’ve changed since I became a Catholic and I am not as much fun. I don’t want to write off our marriage I honestly feel this is almost something he can’t help but I am heartbroken again. I will pray for him and us as a couple. He has offered to try marriage counselling which he refused before. I am hoping I guess for advice and prayer.

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I will pray for both of you and your marriage. Can you find a good priest (or married deacon) to talk to? I’m sure they deal with these kinds of things frequently…


I am sorry you are going through this again.

Definitely take him up on the offer of counseling. Ask your priest if he can recommend someone. Until then, I would let him know that you are disappointed in his behavior, do not trust him because he betrayed and lied to you, and want to know what he is going to do to repair the damage he has caused to your marriage.

Please do not check his phone or be in charge of screening it. You should not have to do that.

He needs to get some help with the porn usage, and get an understanding of not only what it does to him, but what it does to you. I am sure someone will suggest resources for you, but Matt Fradd seems to be mentioned often on this forum.


I will pray for your marriage tonight.

I think marriage counseling is a good start. Here is some information from a secular source that might help your husband.


I’d give prayer and fasting a try. This nun explains the benefits of fasting.

I always think of Catholics as more fun than anybody else. Mirth is very important.

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