Marriage, job and family -- how does it all work together?!


#1

Hello, everyone,

Sorry in advance about the long post.

My husband and I just celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary. We are both 24 and we don’t have any kids yet, but I’m hoping and praying it’ll happen soon. Right now, I am the stable breadwinner but I can’t stand my job. My husband is a wedding photographer. He’s doing well, but he’s still in the start-up stages of his business.

I’ve resigned from my job and will be here for only about another month. My husband and I decided it will be best as the stress is destroying me and straining our marriage. We’ve discussed the possibility of me working with him to get the business going. It’s becoming too much for him to handle alone. I really want to help him, but I don’t know what it will be like when we are both self employed. Again, he is doing well, but photography, like other businesses, has its slow times and income will not always be consistent.

On the one hand, I hear and read so many glowing stories on Christian and Catholic sites about working from home, being a work-at-home, stay-at-home mom, etc., which is what I want to be sometime soon. I’m really looking forward to being a mom. But I also hear about all the challenges people face with home businesses … tax issues, not being able to separate home life from work life and marriage, spouses getting sick of working together, women “losing their identity” when they start working with their husbands in home businesses, challenges with getting work done when you have kids, etc.

On top of all this, we are living at my parents’ house. We lived on our own for a year, but recently moved in with them because we thought we were going to buy a house and didn’t want to be locked into another year-long lease on an apartment. But now that I am leaving my job, I am afraid it will set us back in moving out. Even more so, I am afraid all this will set us back on starting a family, since my husband says he definitely wants us to have our own place before we have a baby.

I know I’m young and naive, but my vision of how I thought life would be is crumbling. I thought the job I have would be my dream job. I thought my husband would have stable work and that we could start a family soon, and that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. How do marriage, jobs and family all work together? I just wish and feel like my husband and I should be past all this – especially past the point of living with our parents. Any advice would be appreciated! Sorry again for ranting & thanks for reading!

Kristie


#2

this won’t be the first time you have to go to plan B, C or X. plans change it is the nature of life on this planet.

dirty little secret, you can’t micromanage your life, your career, your family, your marriage or your children. 15 % of what happens is under your control, 85% comes from factors beyond your control. people may debate the percentages, but the underlying fact is true.

control what you can control
your own self beginning with your spirituality and relationship with Jesus, which dictates how you discern life decisions to live in accord with God’s will for you, whether in the area of family or work, stewardship, charity, service etc. That directs who you marry, how you share values and plan your lives together, your educational choices, career moves, and related decisions.

the most you can do about other factors is choose your macro location and micro location as to wear you live and work out your vocation. for instance if your career is in medicine and this is what you have discerned with due spiritual concern, your education and later residency, first practice etc. dictate where you live.

if you don’t like hurricanes, don’t move to a hurricane 1 zone etc.
if you live in a hurricane zone you will experience the effects of one sooner or later, so be prepared. the hurricane is an analogy for lifes big and little “surprises” that in retrospect, we should have anticipated, such as changes in our employer or industry. anyone whose livelihood depends on the auto industry or housing industry had better be a student of his own company and that industry in general, and not be surprised when the big one hits.

but most of those surprises are out of the blue–a special needs child, a catastrophic illness, an accident, a war, and so forth. without a strong faith, habit of prayer and listening to God that is developed in the tranquil times, nothing will get you through the hard times.

expect change, you will never be disappointed.

dirty little secret #2, no gals, you can’t have it all and you can’t do it all. at every stage in life you have to make compromises and sacrifices. you are not going to be superwoman, perfect wife, mother, hostess, businesswoman and sex goddess. Work on the talents and gifts you do have, and give full attention the the demand of the moment. do not multi-task. do one thing at a time properly. this one thing has brought down stronger women than you.

when you are at work, do your job. when at home do what pertains to the home. when your husband indicates he needs you know, drop everything and give him full attention. if your teenager makes even a half-hearted attempt to talk to you, drop everything and listen. if she says, that’s okay mom, I know you’re busy it’s no big deal, it is a huge deal, listen to her.


#3

I work(ed) as a video editor out of my bosses house. Because of slow times, I had to take a part time job with a retail company. We got pregnant on our honeymoon during a supposedly 100% safe time. THere are many things in my life that aren’t the way they’re supposed to be, but you just have to roll with it I suppose. Working in my editing job was/is great except for when I had tv shows due and I spent 80 hours a week trying to get the shows, pictures etc, edited.
My dh has a BS in molecular biology and MA in Theology and he is working as a carpenter because the Theology MA won’t pay bills and his other degree is considered expired by the science community.
I agree with the other poster control what you can control. Try working with your husband and see how it goes. If it doesn’t work don’t beat yourself up about it, working with your spouse is not for everyone.


#4

if OP and spouse can work together that sounds ideal.

we could not even wallpaper the kitchen together, and 6 months with him in the family business was enough for a lifetime. if you can do it, go for it, sounds great, but make sure you both pencil in family time and couple time.


#5

Yes my bosses wife always asks me “How can you stand working with him? I wouldn’t be able to deal with him in that capacity for more than 5 minutes.”


#6

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