In the past year I’ve been on a journey to save both my 19 year marriage and my relationship with God. In that time, I’ve successfully reconnected with God while growing more as a person than I have in all of my married years. In addition, I’ve finally found the strength to move beyond the past wrongs in our relationship and extend unconditional forgiveness to my wife. I’m proud to say that the man writing this is not the same man that started this journey a year ago.
The worst problem in our marriage has been the combination of communication problems and anger issues (verbal). I’ve tended to be the angry one and as she has tended to avoid communicating with me due to the chance of an explosive reaction on my part. This has often put us in a continuous loop where the two issues feed upon each other. But in the last year we’ve come very far in resolving these issues.
Yet despite these fantastic changes in our lives, my wife still hasn’t found the grace to forgive me and claims that she doesn’t have faith that the changes I’ve shown can last a lifetime. She remains cautious around me, detached, and often ignores me. In addition, any hugs, kisses, or “I Love You’s” are only initiated by me. The end result is an anxiety ridden environment that makes me feel abandoned and helpless. Despite all of the hard core investing I’ve been doing in our relationship her actions seem completely at odds with her saying she has a desire to save our marriage.
Through counseling it was revealed that she just needs time to heal. So our counselor suggested Retrouvaille which we gladly will be going to on 8/12/11. In the meantime however, what can I do to survive the day to day when she is trying so hard to keep me at arms length?