I am a 19 year old girl (I’ll be twenty in a few days ). I know that it is a bit early to seriously be worrying about the marriage, religious life question, but it is a question that has been concerning me a good deal lately. I live in Montana, so there are relatively few resources available to me to explore this topic, which is why I thought I would pose these questions on a forum…not the best option I know, but it is an option and better than nothing! I am currently in the process of praying for and looking for a spiritual director though as I said, I live in Montana and the options aren’t very extensive.
I think the idea of being a nun has always been in the back of my mind, for as long as I can remember, though perhaps never seriously. More and more, recently, the thought has been nagging at me, however. I’ve begun to consider it as a real option, and not as something I “wish I could do”. When I really seriously think about it…the idea of spending my entire life with Jesus and with God makes me feel like the happiest and luckiest person alive, and I realize I want absolutely nothing more.
The idea of marriage and children and a family doesn’t make me nearly as happy, but the idea of love does. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart…a fairy tale sort of girl. I’ve spent most of my life dreaming about a prince charming. I realize that Jesus could be my prince charming (and the romantic side of me absolutely loves that idea) but then I become incredibly sad when I realize that would mean never having a man who could hold me or talk to me, cook me dinner or let me cry on his shoulder. Jesus is ten times better…but he isn’t solid. He isn’t physically there, and that kills me. Also, when thinking about religious life, sometimes I become unbelievably frightened. Does the fact that I feel any sort of aversion towards religious life point towards it not being for me? Or is this normal?The idea of not being religious is just as painful as the idea of not being married. Is it normal to feel such conflicting views on a vocation?
Another problem I have, is that I’m an only child. Perhaps my largest problem with religious life, is that I would feel incredibly guilty if my mom never got to have grandchildren. Also, then I wouldn’t be there to care for my parents as they aged…I feel like they need me, and I want to be there for them. How big of a problem does being an only child pose to religious life?
Sorry for so many questions and thanks in advance :),