Marriage Prep. PMI compatibility test?


#1

What is the PMI compatibility test and what types of questions/how many are asked?


#2

I don't want to go into too much detail, but I will give you the general idea.

First, I hesitate to call it a test. It isn't about passing or failing, getting the 'ok' to wed or not. It is a tool for identifying areas to be discussed during marriage prep.

Second, as for the types of questions, it is a mix of all things couples will encounter in the married life. And you shouldn't feel bad if you haven't talked about specific things (i.e. who's work has better health insurance). Pretty much, any event that is likely to come up during a marriage is fair game. The purpose for this isn't to show where a couple may lack, but to make them aware of the things they have to talk about. By seeing these things ahead of time, you can begin a basic game plan for handling it. But if you aren't expecting something, it can throw a wrench in things.

Lastly, you really shouldn't worry about this, especially the results. If you trust your faith and your judgment, and have agreed willingly to marry someone, the basics should be in place. Now, things like family, finances, careers, and etc might be things you haven't talked about specifically, but that is why the results are gone over at the next meeting. The priest will highlight the areas where answers are different, or where someone thought it wasn't really discussed in the past, and use these as talking points to stimulate dialogue.

Honestly, my fiancee and I had a blast with the test. It did lead to some very serious and very good conversation about the future, but there are some jokes that came out of it too. All in all, it didn't provide detailed plans for specific issues, but it got us thinking about the way we will approach problems in the future. The biggest thing is communication, and this test just opens up the lines!


#3

[quote="Mumbles140, post:2, topic:233429"]
I don't want to go into too much detail, but I will give you the general idea.

First, I hesitate to call it a test. It isn't about passing or failing, getting the 'ok' to wed or not. It is a tool for identifying areas to be discussed during marriage prep.

Second, as for the types of questions, it is a mix of all things couples will encounter in the married life. And you shouldn't feel bad if you haven't talked about specific things (i.e. who's work has better health insurance). Pretty much, any event that is likely to come up during a marriage is fair game. The purpose for this isn't to show where a couple may lack, but to make them aware of the things they have to talk about. By seeing these things ahead of time, you can begin a basic game plan for handling it. But if you aren't expecting something, it can throw a wrench in things.

Lastly, you really shouldn't worry about this, especially the results. If you trust your faith and your judgment, and have agreed willingly to marry someone, the basics should be in place. Now, things like family, finances, careers, and etc might be things you haven't talked about specifically, but that is why the results are gone over at the next meeting. The priest will highlight the areas where answers are different, or where someone thought it wasn't really discussed in the past, and use these as talking points to stimulate dialogue.

Honestly, my fiancee and I had a blast with the test. It did lead to some very serious and very good conversation about the future, but there are some jokes that came out of it too. All in all, it didn't provide detailed plans for specific issues, but it got us thinking about the way we will approach problems in the future. The biggest thing is communication, and this test just opens up the lines!

[/quote]

great post! I'd just like to add that when my husband and I went through this, we loved it. It was very interesting, and it opened up a lot of conversations that we honestly had never thought of.

It's basically a tool to get you talking. You find out what you've talked about and what you should still discuss. As I remember it, the actual test itself took about 15 minutes to complete, so not very much time.


#4

[quote="rosie024, post:1, topic:233429"]
What is the PMI compatibility test

[/quote]

Never heard of it.

Diocese use a variety of methods and instruments in their premarital preparation programs.

Two assessments I am aware of used in premarital preparation are the FOCCUS assessment and th Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Neither of these are "compatibility" tests. They are communication tools to help couples identify areas they may need to discuss prior to marriage, and identify barriers to communication based on their own communication styles, preferences, families of origin, etc.

You should sit down in your parish with the assessment faciliator to ask any specific questions you have.


#5

Ok, I found this on the USCCB sponsored website For Your Marriage:

foryourmarriage.org/premarital-inventories/

This lists some of the many inventories various dioceses and parishes can use during premarital preparation. You can read more about the individual inventories by clicking the links.


#6

My husband and I took this after almost 10 years of marriage. We scored just about as far apart as 2 people can get, yet now we have 22 years of marriage and while it hasn't been easy, we are still together.

I think marrying someone just like me would not only be boring, but frustrating. Someone who is different can add a dynamic element ("sparks") and if there is respect, each can learn and adapt to the other.


#7

I will preface this by saying my husband and I had dated for nearly 7 years before getting engaged, and then it was another year until the wedding. plus, we grew up in the same town, with mutual friends, so we had the advantage of knowing a good portion of the other's background right from the start. we had also discussed nearly every topic that would come up, in way more detail than what was presented, and overall felt like the whole process was a huge waste of time, but I know we're the exception here.

the foccus was set up as statements, and you had to choose somewhere between strongly agree and disagree. the most common categories, by far, were relating to alcohol/drug/verbal abuse. there were a ton of these questions, worded in slightly different ways ("my partner drinks too much" vs "my partner has a drinking problem" vs "my partner doesn't drink much"). we took ours online. I think there were somewhere around 150 questions, but again, a HUGE portion were repeats so it didn't take us long at all. personally, I felt it was sort of stupid to put so much emphasis on those topics, because most likely if one person had a problem, the other either would refuse to acknowledge it or would be convinced they would change, and probably would downplay the actual issue.

the day-long prep class consisted mostly of a bunch of hokey videos and poems. they had a couple speak briefly about nfp, though. and I guess it was good for some people, because nearly everyone there had only been dating (and in most cases only known each other, too) for less than a year, and had just recently gotten engaged.

the pmi is where you sit and have a chat with the priest, and if there are any issues on the test that's where you'll discuss it. we didn't have any issues, so the it pretty much consisted of "do you understand what the church asks of married couples" stuff. easy peasy.

personally, we got waaay more out of a marriage prep book a friend of the family had given us. amazon.com/Hard-Questions-100-Essential-Before/dp/1585420042 while some of the questions obviously dealt with ideal situations (where will our house be) a large portion of them actually were useful, and at the very least even with the ideal situations, at least now you know what the other person thinks.


#8

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