I am getting married but my fiance and I disagree with church teachings on a lot of issues. The people running marriage prep are unwilling to accept that we disagree and the program has almost come to a complete stop - it appears that they are not willing to move on until we agree with them on church teachings. Is there any way that we can move beyond this? Like - do we have to just lie and tell them we agree? Can they even stop us getting married?
no the sponsor couple or lay person directing the marriage preparation program cannot stop you from being married, but should refer you to the pastor who is the person who knows when you are properly disposed for the sacrament. If you disagree on Church teachings that define what is a valid marriage they are quite right to refer you to him before you proceed further.
Fair enough - given that the priest knows where we stand (we spoke to him about this at our first meeting to ensure that our disagreements were not an impediement) and is still willing to marry us - then we are all OK.
Try to take some time off with this and study the Faith on your own. Here are some resources. I recommend studying on your own time and then trying to complete this program at a later time. Everything takes time. Don’t rush the process.
Here is a link to our Sacramental Preparation Programs: catechismclass.com/sacramental-prep
Here is a link to our marriage preparation program: catechismclass.com/lesson/234
Here is a link to our Adult Program (which will teach the Faith for both of you): catechismclass.com/packages/1
Seriously, I would hold off getting married until your fiancée becomes a faithful Catholic. Otherwise, you’re asking for big heartaches down the road! (Almost guaranteed!)
I know it’s easier for someone not emotionally involved to see this, but if you go ahead and marry this person, your faith life will be very sad and I doubt the marriage will last. You’ll kick yourself for not stopping now before it’s too late!
Here’s some good audio talks (.mp3 files) by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen that you can download to your PC, mp3 player, iPod, etc., and listen to with your fiancée. They may help.
It is unclear to me whether the couple BOTH disagree with the church teachings, or they disagree with each other.
To clarify - we BOTH disagree with some church teachings. We are largely in agreement with each other. We have deeply studied church teachings - we both have Masters degrees in theology.
I guess I would wonder why you want to get married in the church then?
What issues do you disagree with?
Well we want to get married in the church as it is the church we have attended together for the past 6 years…
As regards which teachings we disagree with - this is irrelevant. The question was whether the marriage prep coordinators can stop us getting married. Apparently they cannot. The priest knows where our beliefs are and is happy to marry us. So - we are fine to get married. Unless I have my facts wrong…
It is relevant because if you disagree with certain teachings then you are excommunicated and no longer Catholic.
It is not irrelevant. If you disagree with teachings about sexuality, then there can be serious misunderstandings about what marriage is in the first place.
-Please don’t use the church just because you attended there…Get married in the church because you believe in the church. The marriage prep coordinators can have serious concerns and they should relay that to the pastor.
I repeat - the Priest knows what we believe. He is OK marrying us so I consider it likely that we are not excommunicated…
Why is it an issue to you guys if we disagree with some church teachings yet it is not an issue to an ordained priest?
Because, unfortunately, not all priests are intent upon keeping the Faith. They are weeds amongst even the priests so to speak.
What you believe IS important. If it disagrees with the Faith, the Creed, the Sacraments, the Mass, etc then you can not be Catholic no matter what your priest says.
OK - I am not getting drawn into an argument on this. My question appears to be answered - the marriage prep couple cannot stop us getting married as the priest is fine with us marrying.
We’re not trying to argue, but if you are so adamant about your disagreements, then they should stand up to logical points of discussion. Why are you so afraid to offer it?
In an effort not to derail the post, just do a search on thebrit’s past posts to see what the areas of disagreement are. I am guessing that the marriage prep group or couple is expressing some of the same concerns that CAF posters expressed in previous threads. It appears from prior posts that their understanding of marriage is not entirely in line with the Church’s.
If your marriage prep counselors do not want to go forward, you can ask the priest to assign others or to go ahead without their approval. It’s up to the priest if he wants to do that. That would be sad but possible.
As I asked a specific question. The first person to answer gave a direct answer and I appreciate that. The other replies have not answered that specific question. If I wanted to get into a discussion of our beliefs, I would have specificially raised these beliefs.
Took a peak at the other thread.
Here’s the big overriding problem. Your beliefs are completely out of line of the understanding of Catholic marriage— I’ve even heard respected experts on TOB say that a person with these beliefs could not enter into a valid marriage in the church, because of the lack of understanding of what it means. You don’t understand the vows…
Why in the world would you make vows that are a lie?
Just so you know, a masters in theology means nothing about actually studying the faith of the Church, by itself.
Thankyou for answering the question. I appreciate the clarity.