My husband and I have been married for three years. We engaged in premarital sex, and I believe many of our marital problems stem from this sin. I have not confessed it, though I intend to do so this week. I do not know if my husband, who is a recent convert to Catholicism, has confessed it, but I doubt that he has.
Our basic problems are as follows:
We do not agree on what constitutes a sin. He does not agree that any type of a sin is still a sin (for example, a ‘small’ lie is not a sin, but a ‘big’ lie is). He feels that mitigating circumstances, such as not hurting someone’s feelings or an action that will ‘hurt no one’, can make something ‘not a sin’. We fight about this frequently, especially when he asks me to do something that I know is a sin and he says is not.
We do not have relations very often, because I don’t feel that he treats the marital act with the dignity it deserves, and it makes me uncomfortable. I’m all about serving one another and giving pleasure, but he seems to treat it the way the rest of the world does: like it’s all about pleasure and not about a deeper spiritual connection with each other and with God.
I would like for him to be the head of household, as I believe a husband and father should be, but he often defers to me to make decisions, and he won’t tell me how he feels about a big decision until I tell him how I feel. Nor will he believe that sometimes I don’t have an opinion and am willing to follow wherever he leads.
I would also like to go to counseling for these issues and others that arise from them, but he refuses. He often tells me, when we are arguing, that I am the one with the problem. Later when we have calmed down, he still refuses to acknowledge that WE have a problem and WE need help. He simply believes that I have a problem and that I am depressed and need help for that. I feel like he is burying his head in the sand to our detriment, but I don’t know what to do.
I am posting these problems here in the hopes that someone has some advice. Advice on any or all of the above problems would be helpful. Thank you, and please pray for us.