Ask her about counseling, please don’t just assume you know how she feels or what she wants or what she’ll say (it irritates the heck out of me when my husband does that!). She might initially refuse counseling, and then later, change her mind–or not. But even if she refuses to go to counseling, it might be worth you going alone if you can afford to do so.
As someone else mentioned, remember what you did when you were courting her. What were the things that drew her closer to you then? It might be that you listened to her without interrupting and trying to solve the problem; or that you brought her little gifts; or that you spent plenty of time with her; or that you often had deep, interesting conversations together; or that you held her close when she was upset; or that you complimented her often or encouraged her when she felt inadequate… or whatever it was. If she has regularly or specifically mentioned things you used to do for her, or things you two used to do together, or often complains about something you don’t do anymore, pay special attention to that. Do those things again.
Does she spend time, with friends or on her own, outside the house? It’s possible that it’s not really you in whom she’s disappointed, but she could be projecting her feelings of restlessness onto you. I’m not saying it is the case, but it could be part of it. If so, then if she can enjoy a hobby, take a class, go to the gym, or whatever helps her feel better about herself, giving her a sense of accomplishment or mental stimulation once or twice a week, try to give her room to do that. The hard part for many women is to be able to do it without feeling guilty for it. :o
Also, have you considered a Retrouvaille weekend? Check it out, and if it’s possible for you two to go, see if she’ll agree to a weekend.
I’d also suggest a few books for you:
The Five Love Languages – since you are doing a lot of chores around the house, it sounds like you’re probably using Acts of Service to express love, and since she is unhappy, that is probably not her Love Language. If I’m correct, you might even be able to drop some of those chores, or do them less often and use that same amount of time and effort to make her feel more loved and happier! For instance, detailing and washing my car and filling the tank might seem to my husband a really loving thing to do… but would be something I would barely even notice–and usually I’d just assume he got tired of seeing it messy. It wouldn’t make me feel loved. Now, if he took that same loving intent, time and energy, and took me out for a “date night,” I’d be thrilled–I mean, I’d be thinking, “Who cares if my car is filthy? My husband LOVES me!”
If she’s willing to take the “quiz” in the book (or on the website) that will help you, but if she’s not, the book gives other ways you can figure out her love language without her direct input.
For Men Only – the only negative thing I have to say, from a woman’s point of view, is that some of the men I’ve known tend to take what this book says about “most” women, and apply it to their own wives without discretion. So, please remember that your wife is an individual, special, and not exactly like any other woman in the world; this also means she may be in the minority on a few of those survey questions, so keep that in mind. That said, I still highly recommend the book.
The Love Dare – this one, I have not yet read myself, but have heard great things about it. I don’t know if the book itself is necessary, but the concept–investing yourself, your time, money, and energy, and doing something loving daily that is specifically meant for your spouse–is a sound one.
Hope something in here helps. I will pray for you both.