I have been sitting with this for four years and if you can help me, I’d really appreciate it. I feel very very guilty.
A decade ago my husband and I came back to the Catholic church. We came back to a rather lax parish where we did not get a lot of instruction, and we thought we were doing things correctly according to the Church. But then, four years ago we were drawn to a wonderfully traditional and educational parish, and my husband and I heard about NFP and what we were supposed to do intimately.
Well, from then to now we have not been using birth control, but have not been open to life in every act. My husband does not want anything to do with NFP, it would make things too textbook and rote and it is not 100% effective, so he doesn’t believe it is useful. He absolutely doesn’t want any more children (we have three already); I am not interested in having more children either. We are both almost 51 years old. I am close to menopause and my periods are not totally regular – and I have heard that NFP at that point is not as reliable.
I have confessed this to a priest and he told me to pray for our marriage every day, which I have. I don’t want to continually go back to confession with the same sin over and over again, but should I?
I have told my husband several times that I have a problem with what we’re doing and that we should try NFP, but he doesn’t believe the Church is right. I wonder if the Church is right or wrong, and I can see his side of it, so I am not completely innocent in this either. And, we are almost 50 and having children now would be very difficult physically and mentally for both of us. We are both by nature high-strung and have anxiety.
I am trying to keep our marriage good and unified and loving. Our home is more loving now, I have seen it. When we were not intimate for some time, he was angrier and more unpleasant. I have also seen the effects of a married couple not being intimate – my parents live in different bedrooms and they are not happy at all. I don’t want to replicate that pain and loneliness and sorrow in my own marriage.
If you have read this far, thank you so much. If you have any advice, I would really appreciate it.