Marriage questions


I am Catholic. My ex husband was no religion at all, not even baptised.
The marriage was not in the church and was never blessed, nor was there a dispensation.

I had intended to marry in the Church properly. But although the appointments had been made, he refused at the last minute to go through the Church required meetings with a priest. I found out later, after the wedding that he intended to never have children. Although in the end after many tawdry scenes we did. I stayed away from the Church for a long time, Believing I was not welcome because of the nature of my marriage, and he refused to allow the children to have anything with the church. Later on i put my foot down (very late i know) and took them anyway. They are now grown.

We are now divorced and both of us are remarried. I to a wonderful man who is also not baptised and has no interest in it. But he is supportive of my faith. I never got an annulment of my first marriage. Second marriage is not blessed, although I think he would says yes if I wanted to. Not his first marriage.

I now want my Church back, and wish to serve Her in any way I can. I wish to join a lay community and I need to be clear sacramentally to do so. I think I need to get this marriage blessed, but doI need an annulment?

Scariest question of all: does he?( my present husband). I'm not sure he would agree to that since it means nothing to him and it would be a a lot of hassle.

Thanks in advance.


Make an appointment to lay out all the facts with your pastor.

Your first marriage would be handled via a process known as lack of form paperwork. It is very straightforward.

Yes, his first marriage would also have to be investigated. That is all we can say here, your pastor will be able to tell you more after he is given all the facts. There are many avenues to explore such as his first wife’s baptismal status, whether or not she is still living, whether or not she had been married before, whether or not she was baptized a Catholic, etc. The answers to questions such as these could indicate a very quick, straightforward process or indicate a full tribunal investigation.

I urge you not to get overwhelmed, but instead to just take it one step at a time. Don’t assume it will be easy and don’t assume it will be hard. Just ask your husband to at least explore the options for you.


I just had some more thoughts...
I think any problem is with my husbands previous marriages. I can get mine annulled.

His first marriage was in the Church of England. Wife was the vicar's daughter! Divorced.
Second in the Methodist church, first wife still alive. Divorced.
Third marriage at registry office, first and second wife still alive. Divorced.
Now me, registry office, first wife now deceased, after our marriage.
Wives two and three still living.

I could make a case that his first marriage was still valid so his second and third...and I guess to me, was not valid since he was free to marry. But now he is a widower....
(I should have been a lawyer...)

Maybe we have to marry again? Maybe we only need the blessing. Maybe I will never be able to go Home.

Oh and fourth time lucky, we are very happy and devoted.


I urge you to make an appointment with your pastor and lay out all the facts. The fact he has attempted marriage 4 times, with the first wife now deceased does indeed complicate things. It is best to work through things one step at a time. The marriages will have to be examined.


Ok, thanks.


[quote="Deltadeliquent, post:5, topic:318764"]
Ok, thanks.


Welcome to the forums:)

Stick with 1ke's advice.


I will, but it's almost sounding impossible to come back.


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not impossible.
talk with your pastor, Your pastor will sort this out with you.
Ask for the sacrament of reconcillation, after your talk with the priest.


I will. Thank you for your kindness.


We would like to give you answers to your questions but we are lay persons, we have not the authority of the Church to make decsions in matters of marriage.
If you have other questions maybe we could help with them.


Sorry if that sounded sarcastic. I was seriously thanking you for being kind and helping me.

I will contact my pastor on Monday morning for a chat.
I am presently searching on the Internet for answers about my status in the Church, lay community or not.
It looks like I am barred from the Eucharist for now.

Am I barred from ALL sacraments including confession until I can manage an annullment for my first marriage?
Does my husband's dubious status preclude me from this?


Put it into the hands of God, and lay all of the facts out to your Pastor. He will take the information to the Tribunal and they will let you know what to expect.

Nobody on the Internet is qualified to advise you. You can’t lose anything by talking to your Pastor. He is the right person to discuss this with.


[quote="Deltadeliquent, post:12, topic:318764"]
It looks like I am barred from the Eucharist for now.

Am I barred from ALL sacraments including confession until I can manage an annullment for my first marriage?
Does my husband's dubious status preclude me from this?


Your first marriage was probably invalid due to lack of form. The more complex problem is that you are in a civil marriage with a man with previous wives. Talk to your pastor. There may well be a way to validate your marriage.


[quote="Deltadeliquent, post:12, topic:318764"]

Am I barred from ALL sacraments including confession until I can manage an annullment for my first marriage?
Does my husband's dubious status preclude me from this?


Unless you live as brother and sister (no sexual relations), you would probably be excluded from all sacraments until your first marriage is declared null due to lack of form, and you clear up his marriage situation, and have your marriage convalidated. That's the situation I found myself in when I came back to the church, and I had to wait until my wife and I convalidated our marriage after her annulment (from lack of form as well). No sacraments.


There is no reason why you cannot receive the sacrament of reconciliation.
Go to confession.
Any baptized Catholic can go to reconciliation if they’ve already received this sacrament…regardless of how long it’s been, what is going on in their lives and so forth.
The only thing you can’t do is confess something you don’t find wrong and/or know you will commit again. This may include intimacy with your current husband.
You’re also no barred from the Eucharist if you make the decision to live like brother and sister until all of this is figured out.

That is obviously something you need to talk about with your husband.

Prayers for you!


In the present situation, the Absolution cannot be given. Remember, it is not a valid Confession if you don’t repent and confess every sin.

You can’t go into the Confessional with the intention of confessing only those sins for which you are currently sorry, while planning to continue to commit other sins, such as continuing to live as if married to someone who is already married to someone else.

I apologize to the OP for having to be so blunt (and this is exactly the reason that this conversation should take place in the privacy of the priest’s office, rather than on the Internet, where well-meaning people can give you wrong and bad advice), but it is necessary to make sure that people understand that no, this is not possible.

Go to confession.

Actually, go for counseling with the priest.


Don't worry, blunt is good if accurate. Is not your fault what the laws are.

I'm gonna talk to a priest about all of this. And get an annulment of my first marriage at least.
There are many ways in which it was not a true marriage. It might be healing to get that piece of paper.

But it does look like the secular Carmelites are out of the question for now at least.

Thanks everybody. I've been meaning to look into this for a while and now I really feel like i need to clear up as much as I can.


Pray, speak to your priest. Monday morning is quickly approaching. Put it in the Lord's hands.


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