I used to think that companionship was what mattered in a lasting marriage, two people who could be friends and understand eachother, respect eachothers’ differences, and see eachother as ideal parents for their children.
Then I met a woman I fell madly, crazily in love with, someone I couldn’t imagine spending a moment away from. She also understood me as a friend, and we had some things in common, but we were just incredibly ‘in love’ in the way that all the romantic poets and love songs describe it. We got engaged, but the engagement ended badly, mostly through my fault.
Now I’m not sure how to get back to just wanting companionship. I’m sure if I did meet a woman now, one I have things in common with, who I can pray with and support and be a father to her children, I’d still feel like I was missing something unless it had that giddy romantic, can’t-keep-our-lips-off-eachother feeling that I had with my fiancee. I know I won’t feel that for anybody else, so I know if I’m to marry, it’s got to be to someone who will be a faithful companion, and just that. There are many such good women at the University parish where I regularly worship, and I’d love to be able to start discerning whether I’m to marry one of them, but it seems unfair, both to them and to me, to deprive them of this romantic love I felt for my fiancee. I don’t feel that way about any of them, and never would.
Realistically, I know that historically-speaking most married couples had only the love of companionship, growing into a mature agape through the grace of the sacrament of marriage, and this hollywood romantic nonsense doesn’t figure in God’s plan for faithful husbands, wives and parents.
How do I get back to having my feet on the ground? Should I just accept that I missed my chance and resign myself to being single now? Should I look for that spark again, even though it was more eros than agape?