Marriage/Seperation - Need Advise


#1

Me and my husband have been married now for 3 years. We have 2 small children together. We have been haveing problems for the past year or so, and has now resulted in me moving out. He has a drinking problem and it has caused some problems in our relationship. He had a drinking problem when we first met 6 years ago, and I didn’t have a problem with it then, but now that I have kids everything has changed. I want to try and work things out with him and he seems to want to work things out, but he is not willing to stop drinking or admit he has any sort of problem. Everything that has happened this far he says is from me blowing events out of proportion. Everyone who knows some of what is going on, keeps telling me I need to go and file for divorce and get as far away from him as possible. I made a promise to God when I got married and I said “Love, honor and obey. Till Death Do We Part,” But when the husband is around I don’t want him near me. But I miss him so much. I just don’t really know what I want, or why everything seems so complicated. I was baptised last year on easter, and my husband is a non-believer. I attend church regularly, yet have never been to confession. I feel like I need to talk to the priest, but I am not sure I can tell him everything that is going on and that has happened. What should I do? Should I keep trying to work things out?? Will going to confession help me more than praying has?? I am not sure of what to do. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.


#2
  1. Your profile says you are Catholic and your post says you were baptised last year. Did you get married in the Catholic Church?

  2. A priest has heard it all before. Whether you should stay with your husband who has a drinking problem and the other related details of your situation will be nothing new for him (unfortunately). He will be able to give you sound counsel. Please make an appointment to speak to one. He will help far more than we can.

  3. I don’t want to presume, but there is a pretty good chance that you have sinned once or twice between last Easter and today. Perhaps even commited mortal sins. Confession is a sacrament which was instituted by Christ which confers on us his sacramental grace. All that is said in the confessional is held in the strictest confidence. I believe the priest is excommunicated if he repeats what you say. Most of them would be pretty hard-pressed to pick what you said out of the crowd, though. As I said, they are pretty use to hearing it all. You have my assurances that whatever is going on, you can say it in the confessional. While you are making the appointment with the priest (mentioned above) you can tall him that you wish to celebrate the sacrament of reconciliation and to receive guidance on the state of your marriage.

  4. You might find these links helpful:

Is it a sin to divorce an abusive husband?

Why does God allow people to be abused?

Did I sin by separating from my alcoholic husband?


#3

I was not married in the catholic church, but was married in a Church of Christ. I was told that the marriage is reconized by the church. I know I have sinned in the last year, and I know I really need to talk with the preist. But will with holding all the details of our seperation be a sin?? I know, my husband knows, and God knows what happended. I really don’t want anyone else to know, whether or not they will keep it in the strictest of confidence.


#4

[quote=britany2u]I was not married in the catholic church, but was married in a Church of Christ. I was told that the marriage is reconized by the church. I know I have sinned in the last year, and I know I really need to talk with the preist. But will with holding all the details of our seperation be a sin?? I know, my husband knows, and God knows what happended. I really don’t want anyone else to know, whether or not they will keep it in the strictest of confidence.
[/quote]

with all due respect, and with great compassion for your situation, if confidence is such an issue with you that you will not even tell your story to the priest in confession which is absolutely protected by the seal of this sacrament, why would you publish these details on a public internet forum for the whole world to see? Do you really expect a priest, marriage counsellor, lawyer or anyone else to help you if you are unable to tell the truth? We will be praying for you.


#5

[quote=britany2u]Me and my husband have been married now for 3 years. We have 2 small children together. We have been haveing problems for the past year or so, and has now resulted in me moving out. He has a drinking problem and it has caused some problems in our relationship. He had a drinking problem when we first met 6 years ago, and I didn’t have a problem with it then, but now that I have kids everything has changed. I want to try and work things out with him and he seems to want to work things out, but he is not willing to stop drinking or admit he has any sort of problem. Everything that has happened this far he says is from me blowing events out of proportion. Everyone who knows some of what is going on, keeps telling me I need to go and file for divorce and get as far away from him as possible. I made a promise to God when I got married and I said “Love, honor and obey. Till Death Do We Part,” But when the husband is around I don’t want him near me. But I miss him so much. I just don’t really know what I want, or why everything seems so complicated. I was baptised last year on easter, and my husband is a non-believer. I attend church regularly, yet have never been to confession. I feel like I need to talk to the priest, but I am not sure I can tell him everything that is going on and that has happened. What should I do? Should I keep trying to work things out?? Will going to confession help me more than praying has?? I am not sure of what to do. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
[/quote]

{{Britany}} I completely understand your dilema. Pick up your phone book right now, and find an Al-anon meeting. If there is no local listing, call 1-888-425-2666. You can also find a meeting on-line at ola-is.org/ I have walked in your shoes. If you want, you can PM me.


#6

[quote=britany2u]I was not married in the catholic church, but was married in a Church of Christ. I was told that the marriage is reconized by the church. I know I have sinned in the last year, and I know I really need to talk with the preist. But will with holding all the details of our seperation be a sin?? I know, my husband knows, and God knows what happended. I really don’t want anyone else to know, whether or not they will keep it in the strictest of confidence.
[/quote]

Actually, if neither of you were baptized at the time of the marriage, even though it was performed by a Church of Christ minister, it is not a Sacramental marriage. It would be termed a “good and natural marriage”. This type of marriage is not necessarily indissolvable.

You definitely need to talk to a priest. Tell him all you have told us. Make an appointment to meet him in his office, rather than the confessional. At confession, there is limited time, others waiting, and it’s not really the right place to get into a lengthy discussion and receive counseling. You can ask for confession while at the meeting or go to confession separately for your sins.

I do recommend going to confession. And, yes, at a Sacramental confession you must confess all the sins you are aware of. So, you can’t hold back your separation. But, you do not have to give every detail of everything.


#7

I agree with the above post. You must contact a priest. Make sure this is a priest that is solid in the faith and is faithful to the teachings of the Church and Holy Father. You must examine your feelings and look at the root of what holds you back. The priest isn’t going to be scandalized. If you come before Christ’s representative with an open heart you will find the peace you desire. :thumbsup:

The sacrements will sustain you and give you the strength needed to confront your cross. My prayers are with you.

Envoy


#8

Thank you all for your advise. I will see when the next Al-anon meeting is and will be attending. I will be talking with the perish preist today, though I am a bit nervous.


#9

finding myself in a similar situation here. I love my husband dearly. I want things to work but I’m not sure if I am fooling myself.

God bless you and yours. Be strong!


#10

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.