Marriage: what's in it for you?


What are your expectations as you ponder marriage or navigate your own marriage? How might, or how do, your expectations evolve as courtship and wedding change into marriage?


Wish that I had understood the sacramental nature of Marriage when I married. Heck, I thought it was just the next step in romance.

To have known that marriage is so much more than that. To have read the Catechism on Marriage, the writings of the Popes, and some of the great Catholic authors would have been an amazing blessing.

What is in it for me? A spouse who will help me get to heaven. The grace of the sacraments.

Someone who is there for me, who loves me with the kind of love that lays down his life.

Together, we see that love manifest in our child.


I’ve only ever wanted what my parents had a happy loving marriage. I won’t settle for less that’s why I’m still single. I don’t expect the man I marry to be perfect just open to other opinions, willing to take the lead and follow through on decisions, be confident but considerate of others and respect me as a person. :thumbsup:


I have been married for 40 years but the best explanation was just given to me by an elderly nun, who says her spiritual reading tells her that the spouses are given to each other for their purification (in other words I am his purgatory on earth, and he is mine). sounds about righ to me.


What Kage, said.

Puzzleannie, really:p

I am sure most here would agree with what one of the Apologist’s, Michelle Arnold has said before.

“It is important to remember the purpose of marriage: To provide for each spouse a partner to help him or her on the road to heaven. It is a vocation that forms the partners in sanctity, whether or not their marriage is blessed with children.”

Although, I wish I could, but can’t deny what Puzzleannie said.:whistle:


Beautiful post, kage.



Well, I’m considering marriage to my boyfriend, once we get a few legal issues sorted out with our international relationship. My expectations?

I’m looking forward to having someone to come home to after work. Not just an empty apartment, but a home where two people love each other and face their challenges together.

I’m excited about creating children together. My boyfriend is such a loving man, especially toward children. He’s going to be such an awesome father to our kids. I can’t wait to see our little sons and daughters running up to the front window when they hear him arriving home from work. I can imagine our daughter taking her first steps into his arms, or him teaching our son to play basketball.

I’m convinced that our relationship will be good for both of us. My boyfriend is confident and assertive, and I know he’d be a good spiritual leader for the family. One of the biggest impressions he made on me at the beginning of the relationship was when he said that going to Church came first. I wasn’t religious at the time, but that made a great impression on me.

When I’m with my boyfriend, he inspires me to overcome my own selfish tendencies and act in a generous way toward him and others. After I see how hard he works, I just want to give him all the rewards he deserves - home cooked meals, a welcoming house with the pitter-patter of little feet across the floors, a back rub, a hug, and a cold beer when he gets home from work. I can’t wait to be able to actually give those things to him.

I also expect a few not-so-great things. We’re probably going to struggle for money pretty consistently. His family’s not rich, and neither is mine, and we both feel that we should help out those in need, so we’re probably going to save less and give more. Add the cost of Catholic schools (which he feels pretty strongly about) and I’ll almost certainly have to work part-time even with young children at home.

There will be conflicts, of course. We’re from different countries, different cultures, and different educational and economic backgrounds. He was raised Catholic, I was raised without religion. We grew up speaking different languages, although now we have two languages in common and I’m beginning to learn his native language.

But despite all those issues that are going to come up, I can’t think of a better man to raise my future children, should something happen to me. I don’t know anybody else that inspires me to be the best person I can be the way he does. And that’s what’s in it for me!


I don’t think my answer is much different from Michelle Arnold’s. The path to heaven and union with God is through earthly suffering and purifcation from sin. That is the narrow way.


Yes, I can agree…after 39 years of marriage I am sure we have knocked off a little “time” in that purification process.


I believe because of certain pecularities in my views, I would need someone who shared many of them in order for a fulfilling companionship. While there is more to marriage than that, without that I would not take the path.

The way I was formed - I was Catholic, raised Catholic (by a single mother, although with some contact with the father), read a lot, learnt well, lived with my head in books, much into chivalry and old legends - and at the same time very close with computers and new technology… Then I went to a highschool where we were being taught four languages at a time at the peak moment, half of which were dead. I learnt a lot of the ways of the ancient Greek and Romans - and most of it of my own accord rather than the school curriculum. Learning also the languages, I simply soaked with it. Of my own accord I learnt much more about the ancient civilisations, while carrying on the mediaeval interest. At the same time, I was probably the one with the strongest IT experience. After that, I went to study… law. In the free time, I did a lot of IT, still some history. In the meantime, I had a lot of various experience with people and much to reflect on (ekhm… “a life not examined is not worth living” was much of a fitting motto), including failed relationships. I kept being religious at the same time, although I had to see the error of my ways in many things yet, which happened later. So now I’m a lawyer who has been a teacher of English and Latin, a complete geek, a webdesigner (I can handle the screwdriver and tune computers too), a history buff… I can find a common ground with pretty much everyone, but at the same time, if I were to spend day and night with one person, we’d need to “click” and that seems rather difficult considering the above. Most women decide the blend is not for them and I can’t blame them. Some of the rest don’t really know what they’re volunteering for and that’s the point where I decide I’m not going in. Ultimately, there’s a strong chance it won’t happen, but I have Seneca and Cicero to keep me company while I’m playing a computer game in between writing legal letters and reading up on some tech or ancient history, whichever I feel like. :stuck_out_tongue:

I can tell you from experience that I’m very difficult and somewhat taxing to put up with, not necessarily for reasons which would make me look bad. It’s just that I’m not the type which would feel good to most of people. It would probably take a similar mixbreed.


What a great question! Navigating my own marriage, I am more convinced than ever that my wife was given to me for my salvation. And my overriding hope is that we will be in Heaven with our children in the Lord’s presence at the end of time. And what a lot of fun in the meantime!


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