Love is an act of will, not an emotion. Therefore it follows that I can choose to love someone I’m not attracted to. For most of history, people married from a very narrow choice of people in their immediate surroundings, or even via arranged marriages.
I am in two minds about whether I ought to be looking for another partner now that my fiancee and the only woman I was ever truly madly in love with has left me. It’s been 4 months, and many people are telling me I need to move on. If I were to start dating again, I would be looking for something very different, not somebody I would ‘fall’ in love with as before, but somebody I could will to love, someone who I could support and help, someone who would be a good mother to my children, someone who would put up with and not resent me. I’m not looking for that ‘spark’ anymore, because I honestly feel I would be doing my ex a disservice by trying to replace that feeling.
I’m interested in the experiences of anyone on here who chose to love by an act of will rather than ‘falling’ in love. Anyone who chose a partner out of necessity rather than the one they really wanted more than any other. I realise nobody wants to admit to having married Mr or Ms Second-Best, so please feel free to PM me instead of posting publicly if that would be easier. I just want to know if it’s possible to fall in love as an act of pure will, without the aid of the emotions, and if that kind of love ever satisfies a life companion or makes for a healthy family environment.
On the other hand, should I wait a few years until these feelings pass, or hold out for a few more years in the hope my ex might change her mind. When she left, I had a 14 year plan to wait for her, contacting her at 1, 3, 7 and 14 years to see if she’d changed her mind, then I modified it to a 7 year plan, because it didn’t seem fair to either of us to hang on until 14 years, and it didn’t seem like a plan that rigid would allow God the freedom to work in my life, now I’m questioning the whole idea of a plan. The whole point about this is I need to move on as she is moving on, and trust God that if He wants to bring us back together He will. Can I really move on if I won’t consider being with anyone else?