Basic idea I’m running with
Friends phase (doesn’t matter how long other than you know each other and have worked with each other).
Courtship (formally asking to see if it is God plan to be married, at this point both should be mature enough to know exactly what the means) Basically called to the same ministries, passions, and desires. (Should not fall in Love in this phase). It is where you must be clear headed as much as possible.
Engagement YES we are meant to be together and we can start falling in Love (however I believe it is not necessary)
Marriage (the commitment is there Mind body and soul are one, you can fully give to one another everything. Its time for emotional Love).
This is the kicker - The more devoted you are to God the more those compatibilities don’t matter. He likes steak she like vegetables but it does not matter because one will sacrifice for the other or make a compromise (no questions asked because they have been practicing for that since there acceptance of the Lord).
I like to say if my wife could convince me that it is the churches teaching I will be all for it and she in turn would do the same. We are going to change throughout our lives but we should not be changing for each other but for God and the church.
God is always first. Trust in him and Love and all your fears about compatibility will go away. You both put him first and you can match up with any catholic who ready and I will guarantee it will last till the end.
I always get a kick out of people who say I know who I want as a spouse. They all say the same things. For men strong, confident, and a leader. For women it Beautiful, caring, and Loving.
The major problem with this is we as Catholics have fallen for the romantic side of marriage. We have to remember it is a vocation first; a job that requires lots of work and not walks on the beach at sunset.
We are all at different levels of faith and devotion and it is really rare we will marry for the vocation but that is exactly what we are supposed to be doing. Like I said in the first post the church does not require us to Love our spouse (in the romantic Love we associate with the word Love). We are required to Love them with the Christianly Love but permanently. Permanently is the BIG thing in marriage. That is what shows God’s Love. He said when he left that he will ALWAYS BE WITH US.
In the old old old days, when a woman was given to marriage it was her duty to her God and to her husband to make it work and bare fruit. It is exactly the same for the man in that he gives himself to marriage so it is his responsible for leading it and providing for it.
Why have babies? Is it for your enjoyment/love or is it for Gods? Which one is first?
Truly ask yourself why you are getting married, is it for yourself or is it for GOD.
The vocation comes first for me because that is what God and his church says it should be. Romantic Love will happen naturally if we both believe.
Women say the men are not confident enough it is probably because you are not letting us lead.
You know what I find romantic, it is when a woman allows me to lead her to a abortion clinic and then we kneel there side by side and pray. As a man that is where I want to be.
God’s humble servant