Marriage without children...?


#22

But you minimized the OP’s concerns in your posts. By telling her other people do it so she should be able to also is not helpful for her.


#23

If the OP knows anyone with small kids, maybe practicing interaction with kids would be a good idea. Whether or not you end up having kids, there are bound to be kids somewhere around. Start small, maybe? Consult your Neuro doctor, obviously.

To point out the obvious – the kids next door are not in your power to influence, and you cannot just get rid of the noise without leaving. That makes a difference. (Soundproofing, maybe?)

And since you are older now, and a woman, it is entirely possible that some of your sensory issues may have eased, or at least in regards to kids. You never know. (And crazy noisy neighbors are not a fair test.)


#24

Just some personal experience: I don’t have Aspergers but I do have an adult son diagnosed with it. I was the youngest in my family. I had NEVER EVER taken care of children or even babysat or anything like that growing up. I never wanted to get married or have children. Well long story short I’ve been married for almost 34 years and have 2 grown sons. Even though I don’t have Aspergers I had to learn everything about being a parent “as I went” of course I had family’s help but for me it was learn as I go. Am I a perfect parent, definitely not. I’ve made many mistakes along the way with our sons but again I learn as I go and I’m still learning each and every day. Now with Aspergers you KNOW what your triggers are, you KNOW what you can handle and what you must avoid, you KNOW what your limits are so consider all of these as you choose your path. Not saying you can’t be married or be a parent but just be true to yourself about those and about what you expect. Once you are married and become a parent it isn’t about you any more it’s about others you love who love you.


#25

Although I don’t have a boyfriend, there is this guy that I like (but of course he doesn’t know this). I too am autistic and I’m glad that someone else started this thread. For me, it isn’t necessarily the intimacy that I am afraid of, as I’m a really touchy-feely sort of autistic, but it is the intercourse.

I also have trouble with completing Activities of Daily Living without necessary prompting. Within the last month I have moved. back into my parents after trying to live on my own for a year (really needed a roommate, but couldn’t find one, and the person my mom chose and paid to supervise me would often yell at me, which didn’t help.) I’ve pretty much have accepted the fact that I possibly could never live on my own without some sort of assistance. So, in theory, my husband would need to understand that just because I need help with certain things doesn’t mean that I don’t love him any less.

However, it would be very hard to raise kids, even if I adopted them. The way my autism affects me is that if I get very overwhelmed and I’m forced to do something that I don’t want without a chance to wind down, I end up pulling a temper-tantrum like a little toddler. Trying to discipline misbehaving children in an orderly manner would be very hard for me, and would negatively affect my faith in God, especially since I also deal with a bit of anxiety, and I would end up acting like an older sister than a mom.

When the time comes, my intent is to talk to a canon lawyer about this, as I want to be married in the Church. Since procreation is one of the main points of a marriage in the Church, it would be considered invalid, and articles that explain this (like here and here) don’t help my case.


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