I have been married 28 years to my husband we are both catholic we both attended catholic schools and raised our children catholic i dont understand why we can be married in the catholic church after all this time
Is there more to this? The post, as written, is kind of confusing to me, and I don’t really know how to respond.
Are you now married to the man that you “have been married 28 years to”?
If yes, then I’m totally not following “i dont understand why we can be married in the catholic church after all this time”.
my husband was married at the age of 17 and then divorced they were both catholic I have been married to him only for 28 years. I dont understand why my marriage cannot be recognized after all this time with the same man. I have not received the sacraments for 28 years i always felt like i was not wanted. i still believe in my religion but i think that it has let me down.
Was your husband married in a Catholic church? Has he pursued an annulment? The fact that he was married at 17 is already setting up red flags about his marriage’s validity.
How long was he married to this other person?
A prior marriage ending in divorce may be viewed as an impediment to re-marriage within the Church, unless and until one goes through the process of having the prior marriage annulled.
Divorce is considered a sin, and it is one that is handled in a very visible and deliberate fashion by the Church. **The reason for that is that the Church regards marriage so highly, in the first place. ** Even a civil ceremony produces a valid marriage, in general.
[quote=BayCityRickL]A prior marriage ending in divorce may be viewed as an impediment to re-marriage within the Church, unless and until one goes through the process of having the prior marriage annulled.
Divorce is considered a sin, and it is one that is handled in a very visible and deliberate fashion by the Church. **The reason for that is that the Church regards marriage so highly, in the first place. **Even a civil ceremony produces a valid marriage, in general.
“until one goes through the process of having the prior marriage annulled.”
One does not "go through a process to have a Marriage annulled."
One goes through a process of having a Marriage investigated as to if it was or was not valid from the beginning. Based on this investigation it is either decreed Valid or Null.
“Divorce is considered a sin”. Divorce itself is not a sin. Unless it is for unjust or selfish reasons. Divorce AND re-Marriage without a determination of nullity is the sin of adultery.
Zooey: Your husband, a Catholic, apparently married another Catholic in the church at age 17. Right? That marriage appears to be valid. However, due to his young age, there might be grounds for an annulment of that marriage.
Because any marriage of a Catholic to a Catholic in the church is considered valid, that first marriage of his is considered valid. So, when your husband divorced, the first thing he should have done (and still should do) is to consult the area Tribunal and petition for an annulment, at least on the grounds of immaturity (at age 17), and for any other grounds there might be.
If the annulment is granted on those grounds, then and ONLY then is he free to contract a second marriage. Since he is presumed validly married to the first wife, and since obviously you and he did not marry in the Church as he wasn’t free to marry you, your marriage is NOT valid (though it is civilly speaking legal and your children if any are legitimate) in the Church and you are thus living in mortal sin.
I know you are probably a very nice person, following your faith, but hon, you can’t just pick and choose what you’re going to believe and follow! You can’t be married validly to a divorced man unless his marriage has been annulled. It doesn’t matter that it has lasted 28 years–or 82 years for that matter. It doesn’t matter that you had a Catholic education or that you raise your children Catholic. The Church doesn’t change its rules around to suit people’s desires–people are the ones who need to conform their desires to the rules of the church.
It isn’t “the Church” that needs to change, it’s you and your husband. If he gets an annulment, then you can go ahead and get your marriage “convalidated” or whatever is necessary to make it not just a legal civil but a valid sacramental marriage. But it’s up to you and your husband to follow the rules, not for the church to change the rules.
Your religion didn’t “let you down”, zooey. . .you let IT down by knowingly and deliberately flouting the rules and then expecting them to change because you’ve “been married to him only for 28 whole years”.
You know what to do about this; I know you know it, you had a Catholic education and you felt it was right enough and important enough that you had your children educated too.
Here’s a great website for resources on marriage in the church.
Check it out!
Every attempt at marriage needs to be investigated, even if it appears obvious that the marriage is invalid.
Civil ceremonies produce valid marriages for anyone but Catholics. For Catholics, they don’t fulfil the requirement of form unless dispensed, but each attempt needs to be investigated. In some places, there are general dispensations, which means Catholics contract valid marriages in the presence of two witnesses.
Whatever it seems to be - bigamy, incest, coercion, fraud, misunderstanding, lack of clarity or anything, it needs to be investigated. In the most obvious cases, the process is abbreviated and can proceed from documents only, but there needs to be a verdict of nullity.
There is no such thing as “if it lasts for 20 years, the marriage is valid”. If it hadn’t been valid at the moment of contracting, it requires convalidation to become valid. It simply never becomes valid retroactively.
In this thread, we seem to be skirting around the issue of what makes a valid Catholic marriage and impediments of thus:
“A person bound by the bond of a previous marriage, even if not consummated, invalidly attempts marriage” (can. 1085, 1) and
"Even though the previous marriage is invalid or for any reason dissolved, it is not thereby lawful to contract another marriage before the nullity or the dissolution of the previous one has been established lawfully and with certainty" (can. 1085, 2).
Furthermore, a civil marriage is not a valid Catholic marriage:
“Only those marriages are valid which are contracted in the presence of the local Ordinary or parish priest or of the priest or deacon delegated by either of them, who, in the presence of two witnesses, assists, in accordance however with the rules set out in the following canons, and without prejudice to the exceptions mentioned in canon 144, 1112 §1, 1116 and 1127 §23.” (can. 1108, 1).
I suggest that you approach your local priest about convalidating your marriage, provided that your husband’s previous marriage has been annulled.
In Christ, Fieryjades