marriage


#1

Is it wise to marry a non catholic. Im catholic and my boyfriend is not a baptised christian.


#2

It can work, but you must be very strong in your faith, and pass it on to your kids. It will not be easy sometimes.


#3

I wouldn’t recommend it. Your Catholicism is something that will help hold your marriage together, but it will become a topic of conflict if you are trying to live your faith and your husband disagrees with it somehow. I personally would not marry somebody outside of my religion, but it is your relationship. At the very least, if you do, then you two must agree to raise your children Catholic and maybe your husband will convert, but don’t go into the marriage thinking that you will change him.

In my mind, even though one’s spouse should come before everyone else (family, kids, etc), God needs to come before even one’s spouse. So, I wouldn’t recommend marrying a non-Catholic, and really not recommend marrying a non-Christian. That is my opinion. I pray that you find the answers that you are looking for.

Eamon


#4

This whole question pivots on your choice of the word WISE.
I like how you phrased your question by selecting the word “wise”. Interesting.

Wise? Regarding children rearing - no. As a Catholic, you are obligated to bring the children up as practicing Catholics. It can be very difficult (achievable mind you- but difficult) if you do not have a spouse that completely supports and understand all that this entails.

When a spouse does not practice or completely support your faith, he can indirectly undermine all the effort you have put forth in raising the children as solid Catholics. This can even happen when both parents are Catholic but one is not as devout.

Children get confused easily.

I will give an example. I married a non-practicing Catholic. He only went to church when I demanded but failed to go to confession. When it came time to take the children on Sunday, sometimes he would opt to stay home. This sent a mixed signal to the boys.

As parents, we are given to task of being role model and to lead by example. You cannot give your children sloppy modeling - or they risk becoming lazy Catholics.

These questions started developing that I had to battle:
[list]
*]If dad can stay home from mass, why must I go?
*]If dad does not need to go to confession, why must I?
*] Dad says that confession is not really necessary - that he prays directly to God. Why can’t I do that? I hate confession.
*]Dad never joins in saying the family rosary or never goes to Adoration, so why must I?
[/list]And the confusion grows stronger as your children grow and develop friendships with those outside the faith. Now they see Bobby’s family never goes to church. How is it Bobby gets to stay home on Sunday and I don’t?

The little secular things in life start creeping in - sports games scheduled on Sunday mornings, etc. These are the things that we, as parents, must combat. And the fight is hard!

Yes - some will tell you that you may be able to convert your spouse. But then you may not! Will this be a source of contention between you? Probably a big one if you are devoted to your faith.


#5

If you are a real Catholic, Jesus is the most important person in the world to you, and doing his will is the most important thing you try to do.
How could you marry a person who doesn’t get that?
You would disagree on budget, use of time, what to do on Sundays, how to raise the children, how many children to have, birth control, careers, how to treat your enemies, and nearly everything else.
It’s not worth the constant struggle.
Why not ask him to investigate the claims of the church, and see if he’d like to join?


#6

Tam1

I think everyone gave very good advise and I agree. One thing you have to think about also is the fact that if he isn’t a baptised Christian then what do you have to build your marriage on? If you both need to deal with issues and these issues have to do with morals, can you count on him to make the right choice? Does he want a relationship with God or with things of the world?

These things might not seem inportant to you now, but they will in time. You want your marriage to last forever and it might with this man but there is a chance that it won’t. I read in a Catholic Marriage book that the reason to marry would be to spend your life helping your spouse be a better person and get to Heaven. Take your time and find out if he is that kind of person before you make a committment.

God Bless you.
bb


#7

my Mother said that it would just make the marraige even more difficult. The last thing you want to be disagreeing on is how to raise the kids with faiths you don’t agree on. Mom made an unsaid rule that we are only to date Catholic boys. She said it would decrease the number of problems later when raising children. But goodluck and stick strongly to your faith


#8

The big question is: Is he willing to convert and become a baptized Catholic Christian for the sake of your marriage and life together? Is he an un-baptized non-Christian because his family simply isn’t religious or is he a member of a non-Christian faith? If he is practicing no religion, then maybe he will consider converting to Catholicism.
Let him know how important it is to you that he become Catholic. Otherwise, if you marry an un-baptized man, your marriage will not be a sacrament.
Good luck with your relationship. :wave:


#9

[quote=Blanka]The big question is: Is he willing to convert and become a baptized Catholic Christian for the sake of your marriage and life together? Is he an un-baptized non-Christian because his family simply isn’t religious or is he a member of a non-Christian faith? If he is practicing no religion, then maybe he will consider converting to Catholicism.
Let him know how important it is to you that he become Catholic. Otherwise, if you marry an un-baptized man, your marriage will not be a sacrament.
Good luck with your relationship. :wave:
[/quote]

Excellent advice!
~ Kathy ~


#10

I wouldn’t recommend marrying someone who isn’t Catholic. :nope: For all the same reasons that have already been mentioned here and more. Going to Mass each week by yourself or with just the kids (if the non-Catholic even agrees to that) is very dividing and is difficult. I am living that now so I can tell you first hand how difficult it is. Not sharing the joy of the Catholic Faith is the biggest obstacle in our marriage. I can only pray (and do A LOT) that one day we can share this.

Why do this to yourself if you don’t have to?


#11

is it wise to marry a non-Catholic? it depends on how important your Catholic faith is to you. If like a large percentage of Catholics today it is just something you wear like a coat handed down from an older relative, that is not part of your identity and has no role to play in your daily life, then it probably doesn’t matter, because you probably won’t be practicing your faith much longer, no matter who you marry.

If you have decided to place Jesus Christ at the center of your life, if your Catholic faith is essential to your identity and you cannot imagine life separated from the Eucharist and the other sacraments, if all your decisions, actions and path in life are determined by your faith in Jesus and reliance on Divine Providence, it is unimaginable to link yourself for life to someone who cannot be truly one with you in this most important aspect of your life.


#12

[quote=Jesus4Me] I am living that now so I can tell you first hand how difficult it is. Not sharing the joy of the Catholic Faith is the biggest obstacle in our marriage. I can only pray (and do A LOT) that one day we can share this.

[/quote]

Hey Jesus4Me and Tam1 -
Please consider obtaining a Green Scapular and placing it somewhere in your home - and for Tam1 - in your boyfriend’s home.

Tam - you can hide it in your BF’s belongings, under his mattress, under his car seat so he will be none the wiser.

The Green Scapular is for conversions and strengthening the luke warm hearts. It need not be worn as the brown one does and does not need enrolling.

Go buy one, have it blessed, hide it or hang it somewhere in the house and pray daily, “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.”

Our Blessed Mother will pray for your conversion needs and those conversions of your loved ones. It is powerful and it works with faith.


#13

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