Marriage

My mother used to tell me that she didn’t think marriages were made in heaven, and she didn’t really know if wife and husband reunited in the afterlife. This influenced my thinking growing up. I struggled with the conclusion that maybe God wasn’t too interested in relationships between men and women.

And this itself bothers me because I am irredeemably shy. I’ve only been in one relationship in my life and that was long distance. I am 37. And, well, there is a lot of angst involved here. I want to find a woman to love. But I don’t know if God cares about that.

Or, alternatively, maybe being single is my cross? I am terribly alone, and though I have felt God in my life, I don’t know how much longer I can take being alone.

Just wondering if you think God actually brings people together for marriage? Or if he is somewhat detached from that.

Why not pray that if God has someone in mind for you to Marry, that He leads you to that person, and pray for your future spouse, if you are to have one. Also, there are people who are called to the single life. It doesn’t have to be a cross. Many people are happily single. Perhaps you are being called to the Priesthood or to be a Brother or something else. Just pray daily and God, in His time will reveal these things to you. God is the author of Marriage so I am sure He is interested in hearing your prayers.

Well I am praying all the time, but I really don’t want to be single. So if I am meant to be single, it will be a bit of a cross for me. I can’t stand loneliness.

Thanks for your comment!

There are perhaps several ways to meet more people. Don’t try to go off and meet a lot of people all at once. See if there isn’t a small group you can get involved with. A little over a year ago my parish gave a “Light of the World” retreat. I went to that and am still involved with the small group that developed out of that. It’s a mixed group, so there is no problem with feeling like a third wheel, or whatever. I know it can be hard, I’m in another group, a prayer shawl ministry group, that I’ve been meeting with since about August 2007. I’m still the only one in the group that isn’t a methodist. It meets at a Methodist church, and all the other women go to that church. I still sometimes feel a bit left out because they often talk about people and events that I know nothing about. I’ve thought about quiting a few times, but still keep on going.

Anyway, talk with the people at your parish office. They may know of a group to get involved with, or maybe even someone who wants to start a group.

My suggestion is to relax and forget about finding someone. In my personal experience, the more you are preoccupied with trying to find someone, and the harder you look - the lesser is the likelihood that you will find find someone! Your pre-occupation makes you less attractive to women because you come on too strong to them.
Women, especially American women are contrary creatures. In your intrapersonal relations, the less interested you seem to be in them, the more they are interested in you. So, by all means, continue to pray that G*d will send you someone, but don’t go beating the bushes in search of someone. Stay friendly with your male friends. They all have mothers, mothers who have friends who have daughters! And, most mature women are not happy unless they are matchmaking…but if they think you are actively looking, they put you in the ranks of a predator, and you are doomed. So, be aware of what is around you, but hide the fact that you are looking.
Last, be careful. In your present state of mind, you could very well be vulnarable and could make a serious mistake in who you think you choose. Never forget that in American society it is the woman who does the choosing. They just let us think that we do!

I know a lot of people that have found there spouses online. It seems like it is the new way to date. And yes, god blesses marriage and marriage is good for both parties. Peace be with you

God loves marriage!!! I pray God will direct you to your bride. :flowers:

God unites the couple as one, no longer two. He is very much interested and involved in marriage. Many couples don’t consider God as important to their marriage, but He is the creator of marriage, a gift, the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

When looking for your bride you might ask the intercessory prayers of St. Joseph, St. Nicholas - the patron saint of brides, grooms, and newlyweds and the Archangel Raphael -patron saint of lovers and happy meetings.

Ask God to show you His love for marriage. Maybe with the feeling that God does desire marriage you will have a new out look in your journey towards your bride.

I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, but the desire to be with someone else has to be stronger than your shyness. I know plenty of shy married guys. We can say that God will bring two people together, but if he did bring that person to you, you would still have to overcome the fear of rejection enough to ask her out!

I say this from a woman’s perspective, but I think dating is a lot easier for men. You sort of hold the cards, because most women will not ask a man out. The women have to wait for a guy to ask for a date. If you want to date, pick a girl and say hello and see where it goes from there.

A priest once told me that the reason why there are so many single people nowadays who want to be married but aren’t meeting anyone, is because there are so few natural healthy environments for interactions to occur. These singles groups and online dating feel so awkward and humiliating. I hear it from both sides that people wish things would be different, but the only way to do that is on an individual basis.

Wow! The question you raise re God’s attitude toward marriage, whether he really cares about whether man and woman marry… is quite perplexing… but also sad.
God wants us to be happy. It sounds like you’ve pitted that against, "God wants us to be holy. So which is it… does God want us to be happy, or does he want us to be holy? I think He really really wants us to be both.
I’m not too comfortable at looking at chastity as a kind of cross to bear. If that were the case, wouldn’t have too many happy priests (and don’t get talking about a Pope!)
It sounds like you’ve received some great advice on how to find or be found by a God fearing woman. For me, I think isolation is generally an unhealthy thing. Get out there, and talk to someone about whether God cares whether you should marry or not, or find a partner or not… whether he’s that detached or does he really care.

Funny! But that’s true even in the Philippines. To get to think of it, did this all start in a place called Eden?

Many people can be alone even in marriage. But maybe God is wanting you to learn a bit more to find more fulfillment in God first. One can have a very fulfilling life with God and they don’t feel alone. Marriage can be a bonus to our relationship with God and spouses can grow together more in their faith, but it sounds like to me you haven’t developed your relationship with God enough as you state you can’t take being alone much longer.

My friend was 39 and her husband about 42 when they got married. My aunt was nearly 40 when she got married. Both waited until they found the right person and although both at times were a bit lonely being single, they both found fulfillment in being with other family members and work colleagues until they found the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with. Many of the faithful find friendships and fulfillment in church groups.

A lot of marriages can falter when people marry out of desperation. What you want is someone that can compliment your faith and grow with you in your relationship with God. Someone that holds the same Christian values and love for God. And for some that might mean waiting longer to make sure that the right person comes along. But in the meantime develop your relationship with God more. Maybe join some of your parish groups. Maybe you can arrange a dinner for single people to get together to meet other singles. Maybe you can contact other parishes and ask if they have any social groups or get togethers where singles can meet. Maybe you can join a catholic dating site. There is at least one catholic chat site I know and a few single Catholic groups on facebook.

Some people sit at home thinking that God is going to send the right person to knock on their door and say hello I am finally here. But if singles feel the call to marriage, then singles have to also make an effort to get out and meet people. God does help, but I believe God also helps those that help themselves and work more and more on a relationship with Him at the same time.

I am so sorry that those about feeling about marriage were brought to you. Please pray for your mother.

**Marriage is a blessed Sacrament. This said it all. **

Pray God, if he is willing to bless you in marriage for someone, to transform your heart so you can be a wonderful husband and father. If marriage isn’t for you, to simply take these feelings away from you and to give you peace. Please forgive your mother most of all.

I got a feeling that you need to make peace first and all will be well. Please pray God to give you this peace.

Blessings and love to you!

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