Married a Christian Scientist


#1

Help please! I am a practicing Catholic. I married a Christian Scientist with consent of the Church. My wife’s “religion” was the only thing about my wife that gave me doubt before the wedding. Our only big fight before marriage was when in the Catholic marriage prep class that I wished that she would become Catholic. It raged her! As strange as this is: My wife is only Christian Scientist because her mom is. Her mom has some hold on my wife that I can not break thru (another time and story). At that time, I just put off the thought with hopes that I could get her to attend church with me after we married. I KNEW she was the one because God answered my prayers and lead us to one another. I had no doubt at all that we were supposed to get married!

Now, we have been married 5 years and have a son. In the past year my faith has grown exponentially. Being Catholic is a huge source of identity for me. I LOVE being Catholic and I want her to be also. I want her to join me in Chruch. I feel so lonely going to church. I see all these other couples and families attending togther.

I am living with this paradox. I love my wife. But, we have no spiritual connection. None. She almost despises the Church. She is indifferent about my growing faith. I wish that we could both live a Catholic life together, pray together, attend church together.

Our son was baptized and will be raised Catholic. She didn’t mind that at all - plus we agreed on that before marriage. I just want her to convert. I don’t think our lives will be a fullfilling together if she is not Catholic.

I don’t know how to reconcile my thoughts: I regret marrying her now 5 years later even with our beautiful son. Should I just continue doing what I am doing - practicing my faith alone and soon with my son? I don’t want to divorce.

Any thoughts?


#2

Continue to witness to her your love for Jesus Christ and His Catholic Church!

"**You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide; so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. 17 This I command you, to love one another.

18 "If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. 20 Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted ****me, they will persecute you; if they kept my word, they will keep yours also. (Jn 15:16-20)
**
Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark


#3

Be assured that my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your wife. I would advise be strong and keep praying. Pray always. Pray that the heart of both your wife and her mother are softened. Ask for the intersession of St Monica. St Monica prayed for the conversion of her husband for his entire life and her converted on his death bed. I would bet that while it may have been the hardest day of her life, it was probably one of the happiest!
Here is a link with some info about St Monica: americancatholic.org/Features/SaintofDay/default.asp?id=1120or newadvent.org/cathen/10482a.htm

Also, offer up you suffering. God can use even the hardest of situations for good. Pray for your son, that in this, he always feels loved by both parents. While he may not receive any spiritual support from your wife, a child still needs things from both parents. There are some things that only you can offer him and, at the same time, things that only his mother can give.

Saint Monica please pray for us.


#4

I can surmise what you’re going through as I’m in a somewhat similar situation. Mine is one in which I’m trying to convert to Catholicism from Anglican and she doesn’t encourage me to attend Mass with her. I ask each week and before the question is finished, she says “NO!” So I attend Mass in another parish without mentioning to her. Discussing would be a joy for me but she avoids and so I don’t bring up any longer. At one time, I was quite harsh with her about her attitude.

I’m going to advise you to do what I’ve been struggling for 9 months to do. 1st-pray for her. 2nd-be patient. 3rd-be merciful to her (say nothing harsh) and try to be merciful to yourself. 4th-trust in the Lord. 5th-Pray some more. 6th-read the Bible. 7th- I find watching EWTN to be a tremendous resource to me. Especially Father John Caropi.

I’ll pray for you. Miracles do happen. I was amazed recently when someone I last saw in 1975 told me over the telephone that they were praying for me and my situation. The fact that this woman even knew my situation is beyond me as she’s unaware of the state in which I reside. And its several states away from where I resided in 1975.


#5

Thanks for the excellent reponses! I never heard of St. Monica until now. I just read her bio and I see lots of parallels. I am so excited now. There is hope. Thank you.

God Bless YOU!


#6

Fast for your wife’s conversion. www.e5men.org

Surround you home with good Catholic teaching.

EWTN, Catholic radio (sirius has 2 stations!), online you can listen to Ave Maria Radio or Immaculate Heart Radio.


#7

My wife’s grandmother, a Christian Scientist, stayed the night with us last night. I was wondering what she thought of the new Crucifix I placed on the wall facing the guest bedroom. So, I just checked my wife’s email (I know…) and saw two emailsfrom the Grandmother to my wife trying to get her to convert ME.

I am in for a battle.

Please God give me the gift of patience and sound resolve!


#8

It doesn’t sound like your wife is ready to convert, yet. I attended Mass every Sunday by myself for 20 years until my husband converted 10 years ago. Your son is being raised Catholic, and that is the most important thing right now. If you can send him to Catholic school when he is older, your wife will meet other Catholic moms and develope a more favorable view of the Church. Keep praying! It will all work out in the end. :wink:


#9

My wife was episcopalean when we married. She told me shortly after we were married that she could never become a Catholic. 8 years later she was confinrmed. I never pressured her , never asked her to go to church with me-i turned it over to the lord. one of the things that helped, BTW, was that we socialized with a lot of couples from my Church.


#10

I don’t know much about Christian Scientists, how much of their beliefs are shared with Catholicism?

Maybe you and she can read the Bible together, meditate on Jesus’ life together, and simply pray together. It’s not as though your wife is an atheist or a Buddhist, you are still both Christian and have a lot in common.

You have to accept that your wife will likely never convert, but thankfully you still have A LOT in common.


#11

Conversion happens in the heart. Make loving her well your aim. Translate your love into daily activities that speak to her in ways that are meaningful to her. Pick 5 things that you know she will register as love and do them, daily.
You won’t talk her into the church. Leave her conversion to Catholicism to the Lord. God must do the wooing, I know I am a convert. My husband never pressed my becoming Catholic, he knew better. This gave me the space to respond to God.
Ms Cilantro


#12

Strongly disagree with the idea of NEVER ASKING YOUR PARTNER TO ATTEND MASS WITH YOU. I comprehend that the point you’re making is to “trust in the Lord” but why not ASK YOUR PARTNER TO ATTEND MASS WITH YOU? I can tell you from a personal viewpoint how much it hurts when you want to attend Mass with them and they say “NO!”


#13

I married a Christian Scientist 23 years ago. He converted 17 years ago, after a few years of being fully CS, then marginally CS, then freefloating for a number of years. We have 6 children together. When we had 5 children, I told him he was no longer to be the spiritual director, leader of prayers, etc, in our family, as he would not choose a religion and hold to it, any religion, didn’t have to be Catholic although he knew that was my heart’s desire. He attended RCIA and finally converted and sort of holds true to the faith, although he puts little effort into living it. You need to be the strong faithful one, reading the Bible together and talking about what you believe etc. CS is full of contradictions, denial of what is clearly in the Bible (hell, soul, divinity of Christ, etc) and gently reading and talking may break the hold the CS cult has over her. It is a very strong brainwashing process from birth to beable to believe CS is true. It will be a long hard life w/ her, even if she converts, as it is a mindset that is so ingrained and hard to break free from. If I had it to do all over, I would try harder to marry w/in the faith rather than open myself to the pain of marrying a CS. God bless you both, and may your road be smoother and happier.


#14

By the way, Christian Scientists are neither Christian nor scientific. They deny the divinity of Christ and they deny the physical world and any scientific knowledge of the world.


#15

Worked for me. in the end she attended Mass beaucse she wanted to-not to please me.


#16

I agree, I would ask. But probably only once so that the person does not feel pressured or like a conversion project. It also depends on the person and for what reason they currently do not attend.


#17

When you marry a person, you do yourself a disservice to think that you can change them. Whether it be a horrible personality trait, or whether it be their faith, one shouldn’t go into marriage expecting anything other than the person in front of them. And for that matter, if you changed, and are not the same as you were when she married you, I think there is an extra burden of understanding if she is put off by that. So while it’s understandable that you would have the desire for her to become Catholic, I don’t know how useful it will be to focus on it. Yes, fast and pray for her - but not just for her to become Catholic. Pray for her to be who God wants her to be - that’s probably an intention she’d even agree with. Find the common ground and hold on to it. Does she pray? Are there prayers out there, or that you can compose that would be generic enough not to offend either faith? How about a joint prayer for your marriage? What about sitting quietly with each other and praying silently? Aside from prayer, just work on living out the Christian virtues and being a good husband. Now is not the time for theological arguments. If she has a question, answer it. And it wouldn’t hurt for you to occasionally ask her a question about her belief (but let her answer, and don’t argue with her answer, no matter how illogical it may seem). But mostly you should focus on developing those things in common so that you and she can have peace.


#18

Don’t pressure her, just go about being the best Catholic you can be, let that be your witness, and continue to pray for her. I married a (lapsed) Southern Baptist 8 years ago, who said he’d never become Catholic (in fact, when we were engaged he wanted us to find a “compromise” church to attend. That was a big fat NO WAY! lol). He entered the Church Easter Vigil 2007, and is now a self described “zealot” :smiley:

Be thankful that she’s letting you raise your son Catholic. Also, aren’t Christian Scientists the ones who don’t believe in doctors or medicine? If so, I’m assuming you don’t have to fight w/ her about artificial contraception; that’s another blessing (although I’m hoping she allows you to take your son to the doctor??).

In Christ,

Ellen


#19

There is some great advice already. You can’t expect to change her, and you knew what you were getting when you married her. So, the best that you can do is lead by example. Be strong in your faith. Pray, pray and pray. And then pray some more.

As for the MIL situation, that is where I have fun. :smiley: My MIL, while I love her dearly, is a Lutheran that has nothing nice to say about the Catholic Church. So, I began arming myself with as much knowledge as possible. I am the only one in the family that will take her to task for her comments, and I really do find joy in that.


#20

I am starting to despair. I thought I was making headway on my wife by leading by example. I have been praying the rosary 5x a week for her conversion. Last night I mentioned that I would like her to have a rosary and keep it with her in her purse. I asked if we could say the Hail Mary together and she refused.

What else can I do? I seriously agonize over her unwillingness to convert. I regret marrying her more and more each day. I am carrying my cross now.


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