Hello to all,
Thank you for your prayers, Just Wondering. I need them so much at this time. My husband needs them too!
Yeah it is a tough situation.
We have been blessed with 4 beautiful children. They are wonderful, and bring me lots of joy.
I am a stay at home mom and work about 20 hours a week, and love to do what I do. I love being a Mom.
I do have expectations of him. Is it wrong of me to have those expectations? Someone once told me to rid myself of expections and I would never become disappointed or angry. What kind of advice is that?
When we went to premarital counseling 11 years ago, I told him one of my fears was that I was going to be the one to do it all. Even though he assurred me he would help, my predictions of being responsible and taking care of everything is ringing true.
I cannot free him of expectations because I would be enabling him to be irresponsible and selfish.
I think people who are married and living separately are only being brutally honest about themselves and their expectations of eachother in a marriage situation. If they both agree on their expections then it is a perfect match for them.
Marriage is not just about love. Its easy to be married during the honeymoon stage. After that stage is over, and the kids come, reality sets in and the work of marriage sets in. That’s really the true test of marriage. How much is each partner willing to sacrafice, comprimise, give equally, share responsibilities. It is a team.
My husband thinks by going to work everyday and paying the bills is all that he needs to do. That is his share, that is his idea of giving equally and sharing responsiblities. As I said before, he can fulfill that by living somewhere else.
My team is one sided, and I am getting burnt out! I cannot keep up will everything. and he does not offer to help, does not see what needs to be done when I get behind. He wants to talk about only things that are interesting to him…not day to day stuff…he gets bored with that. He is here physically, but mentally he is somewhere else. And to top it all off he asked about a month ago if we could consider having another child!
Sorry, I vented again, I guess my point is that if 2 people are brutally honest about their expectations of marriage, and if living separate is one of them, that is their business. If they can be faithful to their vows that way, that is great. To Love, Honor, and Cherrish…I think you can do that by living separately.
I Love, Honor, and Cherrish my friend, but I certainly wouldn’t want to live with her!
The only thing that scares me about living separate is that marriage, like any relationship, is in a contant state of growth and change. What happens when one of the spouces, after 5 years of living separate, decides they want to move in together and the other does not. THen What?