I don't know why I'm making this my first thread here, but what the heck.
I am a happily married father of, well, let's just say "many". More than my wife and I can readily handle. We relied on NFP. We studied, we were diligent. It didn't work for us. At all.
I am at a very bad place in my life right now. I am still relatively young (mid 30s), and I am a pornography/masturbation addict. I recieve the Sacrament of Pennance once a week, sometimes more often. I am terrified of dying in a state of mortal sin, but with temptatiuon, my resolve falls apart over and again. I just can't seem to quit and make it stick. I have always had this struggle, but it is worse now that the sexual relationship my wife and I once shared is a think of the past. She is unwilling to give NFP another go and I am unwilling to compromise and use basrrier means of contraception (whicjh in stark contrast to NFP, have been reliable for us in the past).
Please pray for me. I fell again today. Please save any non-helpful comments like "try harder!" (I am!) or "have you looked into X method of NFP (The answer is "yes".) The cycle of sin, confess - sin, confess in making me wearing and is reducing my faith to a dice game - with me just hoping I'm lucky enough to die on the way home from Confession. Living this way is truly miserable. I have a solid prayer life, I go to Addoration, I read Scripture, I pray to Mary and Joseph, I pray the Chaplet of Devine Mercy with some regularity. I volunteer when I can, I give to charity, I'm a good, involved Father, a succesful breadwinner, a loyal husband, and honest with my wife about my struggles......I just can't seem to beat this and I'm a little bitter lately that although I'm trying in most areas, this thing just might have me burning for eternity anyway.
Sorry for the rant - I just needed to, well, rant.