Married couples: a question


#1

How did you know when it was “time” to start having children?


#2

it was time to start having kids when we started having sex:) as a married couple


#3

When my hormones were screaming for a baby!

After we got married, of course.


#4

When the pregnancy test unexpectedly came back positive. :slight_smile:


#5

as soon as we got married. not ready to have kids? don’t get married. If a situation arises during marriage that makes another pregnancy dangerous or ill-advised, abstain for a while until the situation is corrected.


#6

It was “time” when we unexpectedly got pregnant. God knew better than we did what we needed and when.


#7

**We didn’t have our baby until 7 years into our marriage (almost to the day!). We had serious/just/grave reason to avoid. **


But I do agree with the general advice that one should not marry/have sex if they are not ready to have children. Children are the natural result of sex, and sex is the natural result of marriage.


But now that I have that out of the way…lol…


**We knew it was time because God let us know, very clearly with a positive pregnancy test.:smiley: **


Hubby is in the military and was scheduled to go over to Afghanistan last fall. We were discerning when to start our family and had decided that we would start trying as soon as he came back from overseas.


Well, we kind of ignored a few of the “rules” of NFP and found out we were pregnant before he had to leave. Due to my health he was alllowed to stay home and not go to Afghanistan.


So even though we had already "decided’ when to start our family, I believe God worked through us and helped us cooperate with HIS timing.


Malia



#8

When God blessed us with our ds…


#9

:amen: Yeah, that.


#10

We thought it was time to actually start trying for kids at the one-year anniversary mark. Two and a half years later, we humbly accept that although we believed we were ready, God apparently did not agree. If you decide to try for kids, be ready to accept that possibility. It’s becoming more and more common, it seems. :frowning:


#11

With our first and subsequent babies it really was a decision made for us. I couldn’t explain to DH (with our first) why all of a sudden I thought we should try to conceive a baby…but the urge was so strong at that time. It’s been that way each time with us…so we feel very strongly that the Holy Spirit was doing some work on us! :slight_smile:


#12

Pretty sure my first of 4 was conceived on my honeymoon.:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:


#13

I think that, while you have to be “ready” to accept children lovingly as soon as you begin having sex (as soon as you are married), you aren’t required to begin actively trying to conceive on your wedding night. I’m not a theologian, so grains of salt all around, but that’s the way I understand it.

My husband and I began having sex on our wedding night and used NFP, in which I had–at that time–very little faith. I didn’t think having children was something we’d have to try to do. But, just in case it did work, I figured we’d have to at some point at least open it up to chance. So we agreed, either when we were engaged or newly married (I don’t remember which), that on our third anniversary we would have sex, no matter what the chart said. Obvious with 3 years to go, there was no predicting if that would be a fertile date or not. And we weren’t ruling out that we might be ready to “try” before that, or that a baby might happen in the first 3 years of marriage without trying. We just wanted some point at which, if we hadn’t already begun a family, that we opened up to it a little more generously, without regard to our financial situation at the time.

Not everyone has stability just because they happen to be married, nor do (I think) you have to hold off on getting married until you have a stable income and place to live. My husband and I moved 4 times in the first 3 years we were married, and we were far from our families. We began our marriage with no savings and one job between us, in a housing market where even when we were both working we couldn’t find any way to get out from the black hole of renting. We got married not because we had a lot to offer a child at the moment, but because we were sure that we’d found the person we’d be raising children with. And because, as my mother says, it was getting to be the only decent thing to do. We’d been dating for 4 years, and we were ready to make love, move in together, and become a family. It would have been OK to have a baby right away. But we weren’t ready to actively try to conceive.

For the record, NFP did work, and I’ll admit I was starting to get disappointed by the time our 3rd anniversary was in sight. The month of our anniversary, we were pretty lazy about collecting data and lax in rule application (see, it was working soooo well be got cocky about it). Of course I knew by then that our anniversary would not be a fertile date–in fact, I’d probably have my period. Disappointing. Except I didn’t have my period that day, and when I still didn’t have it the next morning, I realised I was officially late. I took a test and found out I was pregnant. Our choice of 3rd anniversary was arbitrary, and the pregnancy was accidental, but they lined up anyway. It was the right time.


#14

The same for me.


#15

My husband and I were “ready” for children when we were married, but we did learn NFP just in case. After over two years and many struggles (medications, tests, doctor discouragement, adoption paperwork), we concieved our beautiful son! The previous poster was correct - things might not “work out” the way you plan. Children are gifts from God. Do not take for granted that you might “get” pregnant. It doesn’t always happen that way! Pray for your future children! and ask them to pray for you!:wink:


#16

When there were no grave/serious/just/non-frivolous reasons not to.:slight_smile:


#17

My immediate response was: when the pregnancy test came back positive. :slight_smile:

But, seriously, as a couple who were not Catholics when we married, we had a different perspective. When we got married, we were seriously in debt (DH went to a VERY expensive law school, all on loans, and then racked up a good deal of credit card debt on top of it). So, early in our marriage, we decided we weren’t ready for children, partly for financial reasons, and partly because, well, we were kind of selfish. DH talked about waiting 10 years, until his student loans were paid off. I couldn’t stand that thought, but I thought 5 years was probably about right.

Then the Holy Spirit intervened. DH started reading more and more about the Catholic Church, and I started getting sick and tired of what the pill was doing to my body. About 6 months after we got married we decided as a couple to use NFP, him for moral reasons, and me for physical ones. Over the next year, the Spirit kept working on us, and by August we started RCIA. In February (after 13 cycles of NFP), when the pregnancy test came back positive, we were both happy. I think I would have been happy at any point about a pregnancy, but DH wouldn’t have been several months earlier. So, God really worked on our hearts to prep us for true marriage, with all that entails. (BTW, this wasn’t an NFP failure pregnancy . . . if you don’t chart and don’t pay attention to what phase you’re in, you aren’t using NFP!)

MJ


#18

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: I agree! We thought we’d have a grave reason, but ended up deciding to put it into God’s hands and now we are expecting a honeymoon baby !!! However, the desire was always there, and I believe should always be there, whether or not you are able to try at the time. :slight_smile:


#19

I agree with all the above posters. Be ready for kids when you get married and begin having relations, even in the event that you might be postponing for grave reasons, because God will bless you when He sees fit…and sometimes it’s not when we expect. :slight_smile:


#20

I disagree. The church doesn’t require we be ready to have kids, only that we be open to it.

If I didn’t get married until I was “ready” to have children, I would have missed out on 9 of the best years of my life. Remember, as a sacrament, marriage gives you grace.

Thankfully, we are expecting our first child in the next two weeks!


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