I am a married lady but for some reason single ladies seem to gravitate to me, maybe it’s just because of the sheer number of single women in my age bracket (over 50) What is starting to bother me a bit is a neighbor of mine that has never married and lives down the hall (we live in a condo bldg.) She does not like my husband and because she and I are both of Polish descent she thinks we have soo much in common, (and we don’t) Recently she told me she had a dream about me that I moved and that all 3( her, me and dh) of us were looking for a place to live :eek: This is starting to be a bit strange, I’ve had dreams about my parents, siblings or husband but never a neighbor! She has asked me numerous times to go out to a museum, play, etc., but I honestly don’t feel comfortable leaving my husband alone at home, maybe I just don’t feel comfortable with this friend? I’d like some feedback from the married ladies on this.
My two closest friends are single (although in their 30’s). I have no issues with leaving my husband to watch the kids for a girl’s night out every once in a while. I cherish the time I spend with my friends, and I enjoy our time together.
It sounds to me as if your neighbor is lonely. Maybe try to go with her somewhere one time (maybe somewhere you want to go that your husband isn’t interested in). A couple hours may mean the world to her. She may not be as bad as she is coming off as.
Sometimes you simply get feelings about certain people and these shouldn’t be ignored. Be polite but if you feel uncomfortable with her, then keep try not to get to close. She might simply be lonely, but then again you might be sensing something very odd about her.
I would not want a friend anyway that didn’t like my hubby.
i agree that i would not want to be friends with someone who did not like my husband… again what was she doing dreaming that all 3 for searching for a place to stay in if she didnt like him in the first place. please do not ignore your feelings. ur hubby comes first no matter first… so always remember that
I agree with deb1…usually those feelings are well-grounded and I wouldn’t push them aside. If it makes you feel more comfortable, when she asks, say that you and your husband would love to go with her. Chances are she’ll eventually stop asking if she really doesn’t like your husband, once she understands you are a “package deal.”
Most of my friends are single, but I’m in my early 20’s so that’s to be expected. I was the second of my circle of friends to get married and the second to get pregnant. I have a couple of friends who are engaged, a couple who are in serious relationships, but majority are still single. However, they’re ALL great friends with my hubby as well :). We are a package deal…not to say I don’t do girls-only things…shopping is not as fun when you have to drag the husbands/boyfriends/fiances along if there’s a girl to go with, but most love being around us together so it doesn’t matter :).
Even if I DID have a dream about a neighbor or something I would never tell them that! Yikes!
I think it is a little weird. Maybe she is lonely and just wants a friend. But I agree with the others that your gut should be followed.
And if she doesn’t like your husband she is in turn saying something about you as a person. Your spouse always comes first and should be defended.
**Unless they get extremely witty Theology conversations and jokes, and can talk movies, as well as be able to handle dry humor my husband doesn’t really like my girlfriends. Because of this I go out a lot with just me and my girlfriends. I think too that because my husband is so "dry’ (sarcastic) or whatever you want to call it, my girlfriends don’t really like him all that much either. That doesn’t bother me because not everyone can appreciate that. Not every single person personality is made to mix, we’re just too different. I think that I would have lost out on some great friendships by basing it on whether husband likes them or vice versa.
I second that she just might be lonely, is there any way you could at least try one lunch with her? Go somewhere close by and let her know that you only have an hour or so because your husband is expecting you home at such and such a time. Maybe she’s nervous around women? I sometimes find it hard to meet new women friends which is why I always had more guy friends. I always felt like a woman was judging me and i never felt that way with my guy friends, i could just be myself.**
My hubby also has a sarcastic humor but over the years I have assisted him in being more sensitive toward other people’s perception of him. I have done this by pointing out to him that although his intent is not to hurt the other’s feeling, that he has to be aware that some people are sensitive about certain issues. Because I am better at reading people’s facial cues and body languages, he trusts me to tell him(after the fact) when he has maybe crossed the line. I’ve also explained to him that SMILING is important when you make a joke. I’ve had to explain to so many girlfriends that just because he looks serious does not mean that he is not joking.
At the same time, most of my female friends do like my hubby. In time, they often begin to like to banter with him. Those that don’t like him, I generally keep as aquantices only.
I never would consider a woman a friend if she said anything negative about my hubby. I would consider that disrespectful of him as well as me.
I’ve watched too many news shows in which people-women especially-report regret that they didn’t listen to their guts that I would be wary about starting a friendship with someone that made me uneasy.
I don’t see what’s so odd about dreaming about one’s neighbor. But I’m a real dreamer and my dreams are like movies, and I remember them very vividly Man I hate it when I wake up before the end, I spend all day wanting to “finish the movie”! I dream about family, friends, friends of family, neighbors, and people I haven’t seen in years. They’re all bouncing around in my brain and are fair game for dreaming. I wouldn’t be concerned about this.
What would bother me would be this lady’s dislike of hubby. Anyone who doesn’t like my hubby isn’t worth my time
**Also I have to say my husband doesn’t really like to do the things my girlfriends and I do such as shop, go to girly movies, go out for drinks etc. He’d much rather go to a pub and drink beer and talk Theology than hang out with my friends. And I am fine with that. We have a few mutual friends that do not live in this area but we get along great with them too.
There are obviously some that are much closer to one of us than to the other, and some who share interests (and therefore, much more time) with one rather than the other, but we really only have one kind of friend: our friends.
I think it is important to maintain friendships outside the marriage. One person cannot be everything you need from humanity. It should be pointed, out, though the while marriage is a great indicator of longevity in men, having close women friends is even a greater indicator for women. Women also have a tendency to put their own needs last. Having friends that remind you to tend to you is a good thing.
I gave up on having friends who openly didn’t like each other in gradeschool. If they didn’t want to play nice…well, life is too short. My husband and I both tend to like people who work and play well with others, as the report cards used to say.
As an aside, having friends that I like and being able to play well with my friends was an important factor in who I chose to marry. Your friends get you through life, but if you are living a shared life, they need to in some sense be shared friends. I’d like to think that if I died, I have friends who would be there for my husband, and vice versa. My MIL found that her friends and out-of-the-house activities were a godsend when my FIL died. At least something in her life went on…
When I see someone dating someone whose friends they despise or who resent their friends, the hair on the back of my neck stands up. The friends speak for the person. If you don’t like the friends or your current flame doesn’t like yours…run, run, run!
I have girlfriends who are married and single. But none of them want my husband, and don’t tell me strange dreams.
That’s understandable then. I was worried that your friends were saying bad things about your hubby.
Perhaps I should have said “acquaintance”, although she has invited me to her place several times for coffee and cake (despite my protests as I have to watch my sugar!) and also given me boxes of chocolates for my birthday and Easter, etc. so I’m not sure if I should say she is my friend or acquaintance or someone who wants to see me in a size 16? : (she is a size 3)
Unfortunately I’m getting more single friends all the time–almost all of them due to divorce.
The last time I had single friends, I experienced a terrible temptation. They were bar hopping and dancing every weekend. I was envious of their “fun” nights, since I was at home making pb and j sandwiches and doing laundry. Plus, my dh didn’t romance me or flirt with me like a “new” guy would.
So, I decided to go dancing with them one night. Then, I thought, “maybe I shouldn’t wear my wedding ring because it would look bad for a married woman to be out dancing in a nightclub.”
Then, I slapped myself across the cheek. What was I thinking?
I decided to let the friendships go. My friends weren’t trying to lead me into sin, but I was tempted all the same.
good for you my dear!!!
My best friend is single.
I have been married for 15 years, and she was my maid of honor. My husband likes her, and as far as I know, she likes him.
I recently moved to another state. So we don’t see each other as often as we used to. But before I moved we loved to go out and do things together. Mostly dinner, movies, shows or just shopping. We only went out, at the most, once a month. It was more like once every two months.
Now it is only when I get up there to visit. Or when she comes down and stays with us. She came down and stayed a week when I was having some medical problems. It was great.
But this women isn’t your friend. She is a neighbor. One that doesn’t like your husband. One that I would stay away from as much as possible.
OK I’m a single girl in my 20’s I have “lost” a lot of friends to marriage. By that I mean, once they get married they have no time for you. Sometimes it’s a temporary thing, which I understand. Hey I get busy too. But it really frosts my cookies when you’re asked to be a bridesmaid. You shell out a bajillion dollars on showers and gifts and dresses and all the other stuff, and then the second the reception is over they just dissapear.
All my single friends say enjoy the bachelorette party cause it’s a 90percent chance that this is the last time your friend will ever be fun.
I understand not wanting to go out dancing. Although some of my married friends still do. They either bring their husbands, or just dance in our little circle. They designate themselves as driver. Which is fabulous.
I can tell you right now. That I love my boyfriend. But sometimes I just want to go out with my girlfriends. My boyfriend doesn’t want to go get his nails done He doesn’t want to go shopping for cute tops. He can barely control his obvious distaste for setting foot inside a shopping mall. Unless there is a Sears or Home Depot. At which point he dissappears in the power tools section and he’s lost forever like Charlie on the MTA. When I do stuff with the girls. It’s fun. I can complain about work. Complain about family, or my boyfriend. (most of it mild. Wishing I made more money, that my grandmother would get off my case about getting married, or that my boyfriend should seriously learn to pick up his socks) I can go to see a chick flick without having to promise to go see a Steven Segal movie next time (Steven Segal movies I believe are Dante’s 7th circle of hell)
Single women aren’t immoral lepers. It’s very frustrating when married women treat us that way.