One key detail that you’ve left out is how he treats you and responds to you when you are around.
My mom had male friends who bonded with me when I was growing up, and sometimes they gave us gifts that we would not have been able to afford otherwise. But they were always very kind and respectful towards my stepfather, and got to know him as well
I barely know him. He acts respectful towards me, and my wife, but…I barely know him. The keyword here is: Acts.
I feel for your stepfather, it must have been emasculating for him to be in that position.
My situation is a little different. These items are not anything we (I) could not afford to buy.
Gifts. To a married woman. It…just…seems…odd…
I’d believe her take on it. She needs to tell her friend that it hurts your feelings when “the pros” one-up you on family casual pictures. Better that he share pictures with your family that he’s also sharing with his other friends–many of our photographer friends send us their best shots of local landmarks. The other way he could be welcome, of course, is to hustle you and your wife into those family pics, holding the camera himself.
If he’s a good friend of your wife’s he will be a good friend of your marriage and will take care not to do anything except value you as the single biggest reason that his good friend is happy. Not all people realize this immediately, but your wife can explain this as her policy.
Interestingly, when my wife and I were discussing this awhile back she used the term one-up. Which tells me she does see my point of view on this, at least partially.
Now, who should she be supporting in this type of situation, the husband or the other man? Hmmm…
Oh, and he’s not really a pro, he’s just willing to work for practically nothing and takes pretty good pictures.
Mine are better (sorry, that’s snide) (but probably true)
No… I Don’t think your wrong… I think you have reason to be suspicious …
all could very well be innocent , but your not stupid !
Be Careful how you go about this … ask your Daughter Questions…
Think of what you will ask first… choose the time and place… then probe your wife Gently with a Question or two… don’t be confrontational… because you could be wrong…
It’s interesting that the first three responses appear to be from women and they all seem to think this is no big deal.
I suspect this might be one of those things that women and men just see differently. (Ladies, I suggest you listen to us on this. We know what goes on in the minds of men.)
I know I am right on this, I feel it in my gut.
He might not have nefarious intentions towards my wife, in fact I don’t think he does.
I suspect he’s in some sort of competition with me (I buy her a lens, he buys her a better lens. I pose my daughter and start taking pictures, he takes pictures and prints out posters for my wife).
Oh, yeah, I didn’t mention before that recently I saw a DVD on my wife’s desk. I asked her about it and she said…the contractor had made it for her. At work she had remarked that one of the DVDs in her favorite mini-series was scratched and she hadn’t been able to copy it. He said he could probably do it, and did, and even scanned and printed the original label on the DVD!
How thoughtful! Now, in the past I would have done this, but I’m a bit busy with work and trying to improve things in our life and things like this have taken a back seat as a result.
I feel like I’m being outsourced!
Really, what this comes down to is what is acceptable in a friendship between two people of the opposite sex who are married.
How much time do you (all 3) or they (2) meet in outside working hours? Despite the necessity of regarding how he behaves in your presence, what you see can be a deception!
Be open, talk to your wife about your “fears” goodheartedly. Her response can give a step forward in understanding the situation.
Pray hard that the Holy Spirit may show you the truth and a right thing to do.
There is no socializing between the two of them or the three of us outside of work. The only time I see him is at work-related events.
As for being deceived, I am going to err on the side of caution. The gifting is excessive. He’s married, she’s married, both to other people.
If he were a family friend…nah, I still don’t think it would be OK. Maybe it would be if I were in the loop and knew what was going on, which is not the case here, but at any rate he’s not a family friend. He’s a co-worker.