Married not in church?


#1

I was married before (not in church) .My husband was married in church before …but his marriage was found null and void…We wanted to get married in Church…but they wanted money…alot of money to us! We live on very limited income. We have been married 18 years…Now what is going to happen when we die? Do we go to hell because we didn;t have the funds to pay?


#2

[quote=Sophia Marie]I was married before (not in church) .My husband was married in church before …but his marriage was found null and void…We wanted to get married in Church…but they wanted money…alot of money to us! We live on very limited income. We have been married 18 years…Now what is going to happen when we die? Do we go to hell because we didn;t have the funds to pay?
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I don’t know who told you that they want money; the money that is paid is usually a fairly minimal amount, unless you are living on a small fixed income, or a one income household at or near minimum wage, or above minimum wage but in a high cot of living area. The money goes to pay the costs of running the Tribunal.

Having said that, if you were told that you have to pay the full amount, you need to speak with another priest, as that is not correct; you should be able to get the fees either partly or completely waived.

Go ask.

And the answer to your last question is no, you are not going to go to hell because you don’t have funds to pay.

The Church doesn’t send anyone to hell.

People, if they go to hell, go there becasue of intentional choices they make, such as intentionally violating serious issues like the 10 Commandments, or serious rules of the Church. And then, only if the are obstinate in their violation - that is, they refuse to confess their sins, and to make every effort to amend their life.

If you feel that you have violated a serious rule of the Church, then you should go to the Sacrament of Reconcilliation.

Then get on with the business of filing for an annulment, if that is necessary, and if it is not, then get on with the business of having your marriage blessed.


#3

On the face of it, it seems to be a slam-dunk. You attempted marriage not in form, and his marriage was declared null.

Have you visited with your parish Priest about this matter, recently? A good place to start might be to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconcilliation.


#4

[quote=Sophia Marie]I was married before (not in church) .My husband was married in church before …but his marriage was found null and void…We wanted to get married in Church…but they wanted money…alot of money to us! ?
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who is “they”? For at least 20 years the fee charged for tribunal investigations re annulments has been nominal, does not even begin to cover the true cost, especially of a complicated investigation, and is waived in case of genuine need. I find it hard to believe you could not come up with a few hundred dollars in the course of 18 years, but if the need is genuine you will not be charged. You paid for your divorces, why not pay reasonable costs attached to an annulment? Nice excuse, but it does not ring true. Did you discuss this with your pastor at the time?

Nobody charged you money to be married in the Church, although any parish may of course charge a reasonable amount for the use of the facilities–heat, light etc. Again, if it is a case of true need, I am sure the usual fee, usually around $200 could be waived. If you are seeking a convalidation, that is a 15 minute ceremony and you would not be charged the same as someone reserving the church for 2 hours for a wedding.

Make an appointment with your parish priest, discuss your situation, and return to the sacraments, and if necessary have your marriage blessed. chances are it will be a lot simpler and a lot cheaper than you imagine. You may not even need an annulment. Please do not take your information from the parish secretary, or from anonymous strangers on the internet. Go to your priest.


#5

Ok, so HE is apparently okay to marry, and YOU are not. If you are a Catholic, and were married not in church, your marriage is automatically invalid due to lack of form. . .and the paperwork and costs involved are minimal.

If you are NOT a Catholic, then your first marriage, whether it took place in a church or not, is presumed valid. So you DO need to pursue a decree.

As far as the money goes, in some areas there are NO fees, in most areas the fees are minimal, and as has been noted, no one is EVER refused because he or she cannot pay; there are always options.

Thing is, (and I am on a very tight income myself so I sympathize), it seems that while people manage to find money for all sorts of non necessary things (I do not NEED to drink as much tea, or the “good” Twinings tea, that I do, and could easily save $5-6 bucks a WEEK by denying myself. I don’t NEED a daily paper, cable TV, even a $7.00 McMeal once a week. . .and all those things add up), yet “choke” on the very minimal expense of a decree of nullity (they charge far less than what the actual COST is, factoring in all that is involved). Ok, I’ll crunch numbers. . .my cost was $450. That adds up to just under $10 week over a one year period. As I said, by giving up a McMeal and two boxes of tea weekly, for just under a year, everything was paid for, and I lost 10 pounds, to boot.

I encourage you to think positively and remember that one doesn’t have to make huge, all-in-one-lump-sum payments. It is going to take about a year to get the judgment anyway. God willing you will be here a year from now–start taking it day to day and see if what looked insurmountable suddenly becomes possible. God bless.


#6

[quote=Sophia Marie]I was married before (not in church) .My husband was married in church before …but his marriage was found null and void…We wanted to get married in Church…but they wanted money…alot of money to us! We live on very limited income. We have been married 18 years…Now what is going to happen when we die? Do we go to hell because we didn;t have the funds to pay?
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#7

[quote=Sophia Marie]I was married before (not in church) .My husband was married in church before …but his marriage was found null and void…We wanted to get married in Church…but they wanted money…alot of money to us! We live on very limited income. We have been married 18 years…Now what is going to happen when we die? Do we go to hell because we didn;t have the funds to pay?
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Sophia, The diocese works on a sliding scale. You should not be refused because of money. You must make your circumstances known.

Your first marriage must be examined to determine whether it was valid or not. Your current marriage may be valid or it may not be. You must be prepared for the possibility that your first marriage is found to be valid.


#8

[quote=Sophia Marie]I was married before (not in church) .My husband was married in church before …but his marriage was found null and void…We wanted to get married in Church…but they wanted money…alot of money to us! We live on very limited income. We have been married 18 years…Now what is going to happen when we die? Do we go to hell because we didn;t have the funds to pay?
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[ANSWER] You need to speak with a Priest. Preferablly a Priest who knows you. The fees can run between $200 to $400 depending on your diocese. Speak to the Priest honestly and please remember that “The Church” cannot send you to Hell. This a a judgement reserved for GOD. I will keep both you and your husband in my prayers. John Weiss johnweisshome@aol.com


#9

[quote=Sophia Marie]I was married before (not in church) .My husband was married in church before …but his marriage was found null and void…We wanted to get married in Church…but they wanted money…alot of money to us! We live on very limited income. We have been married 18 years…Now what is going to happen when we die? Do we go to hell because we didn;t have the funds to pay?
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When you die, you will be judged by God and given just yet merciful punishment for all your sins which have not yet been satisfied.

As for what to do about your soul right now? If you or your husband want to be faithful to Catholic teaching, you will get your marriage regularized. It’s a matter of priorities, I think.


#10

I have not seen this posted so I will post it. The CSA is what helps to pay for an anullment. Years ago I was told the same thing that it would cost $2000. so I said forget it. But of course it was only a copout on my part. Later I found the truth in my parish. It was then a $300. donation if you don’t have it you don’t have to pay it. This is how it worked then. We did not have it and still received an annulment without paying one dime.


#11

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