Hello! I am going to be as blunt as possible to make my post as short as possible… so forgive me for me bluntness. If you don’t want to read everything but still want to help, skip to the very end and read my questions. Thank you.
Long story short, I was married for 5 years. We dated for 7 previous to our marriage… he was always controling, emotionally and verbally abusive. I was dependant upon him for everything and rushed our marriage. He refused engagement for so long that I “cheated” on him… after we married, I always had guilt over this and asked a friend to “cheat” with him… she did. My guilt did not go away…
We had a baby and we were trying for our second, when I walked in on my husband watching pornogrophy and more… this upset me a lot because he worked the night shift and slept all day, would get up simply to have dinner with us and then sleep some more. But here I found out that there was more to his “sleeping”. I begged him to go to marriage counseling but he refused.
A friend of ours, a co-worker of his, started paying attention to me. I became pregnant yet he persued me more… and I had an affair. The emotional aspect of the affair lasted 21 months in all. When this friend wanted to focus on saving his own marriage, I became devestated and found comfort in yet another man… After the complete 21 months of my affairs, I could not live with myself and once again asked a different friend to “cheat” with my husband. She did but the guilt continued and I had to tell my husband the truth. Of course this devestated our marriage and family, and my husband became more abusive than ever.
We tried to save our marriage for one month until things became too hostile, at which point we separated. The next 6 months was our own personal WW3. From PFAs and emergency custody proceedings to support and basic custody issues, and also 3 new relationships each… Then, in June 2012, my husband suddenly told me after only a week of talking and being civil, to pack up and we were going to save our family. Of course, I wanted to save our family and dropped everything for him… even abandoning my father who was having surgery the next day and needed me… also dropping all court proceedings and signing everything over to my husband, except the children, in which case I signed a joint custody aggreement.
After nearly five months of living together again, I left a second time due to his control and abuse. More recently to find out that he has been persuing another girl the whole time and never really gave our marriage another chance… I feel manipulated and used. He also starting pushing for divorce, even while we lived together. As soon as I moved out, he got me to concede to divorce.
We have stayed separated but still act married. Doing everything together with the kids and only being apart when he goes home to sleep or he is at work and the children and I sleep at my dad’s. I fought to abandon the divorce and begged for marriage counseling… ultimately, he said he needed the divorce to move on from what I did and then we could restart and rebuild… so, the divorce was final the beginning of this month and i am once again… devestated.
I have recently been doing a lot of praying and soul searching… I know now that this whole drama would have never happened if I had a strong faith and had put all my trust in God. Now, I am trusting in God to teach me where to go from here… yes we are technically (legally) divorced… but we still act as a family.
So, here’s my question, After all the infidelities… is our marriage annulled or are we still married under God? Also, if we are still married, is it okay then to still be having marrital relations with my husband (ex-husband)? I know this may seem like a silly question after all we have done, but I have damaged my soul enough and seek true forgiveness from God. It may be too late to save our marriage pbut I am no longer interested in any other man… to be honest, I’m not attracted to my husband either… I just want to do what is right by God and maybe save our family for our two beautiful children… Life would just be easier together than apart… but I want to do the right thing by God. I guess my final question, if you have read my whole rant… can our marriage be ammended? Should we even seek to recconcile? What would God want???
So, for those of you who may have skipped right to the questions… I am divorced but we still act married… although we are legally divorced, are we still married under God? (Even after infidelity)? Can we still have marrital relations without sin?
Thank you for reading my post. I appreciate any and all opinions… I wish there was a scripture that specifically told me what to do now…