Married people and single friends

Hey everyone

             I have a question. Is it ok for a single person to be friends with a merried person? the reason I am asking is  because I am friends with a girl thats merried and we talked on instent messanger for a while. And I wondered if that was bad. All we talked about was stuff like racing and gas prices and stuff. The same stuff that I would talk to my guy friends about. I just wanted to make sure it was ok.

A single man should not cultivate a friendship with a married woman. Be friends with the couple, not the woman by herself.

I’m don’t think there is anything morally wrong, but I do believe it could become complicated if you are not careful. People connect emotionally many times through their conversations and this can and has led to many marital problems as a result of online chatting. I’ve just seen this too many times with friends. It can be painful for a lot of people when things evolve in the wrong direction.

So, as long as you keep it superficial, fine. But if things go in a more intimate or emotional type conversation, I’d be more concerned and probably look to end that kind of communication with this person.
Better safe than sorry. :blush:

I agree with both of yall. I am just going to cut contact with her.

One more question I am on a racing message board and so is she. Do I need to stop talking on the message board or do I need to just stop talking to her but still talk on the board? I like the racing board but i want to do the right thing.

I’d wonder what was wrong if a friend dopped out of sight. Since I’ve always had gal and guy friends it might never occur to me why a guy pal disappeared after I was married. I’d understand better if a friend said something like, “I will miss hanging out with you, but your husband might start getting the wrong idea if we keep sending ime together, so let’s just not take the chance.” I’d be angry and bewildered, since a friendship is nothing to be jealous about, but not as much as if I thought a friend was in some sort of trouble because he vanished and then I learned that he was just avoiding me.

:confused: So you are part of a board where a lot of people chat? I was under the assumption these were primarily private conversations. That’s a horse of a different color.

We chat here with a lot of people, many married, many single. It’s an open forum and a lot of fun and fellowship.

I would stay clear of longer private conversations, that’s all, unless you are getting a different vibe and think you need to stay clear. :shrug:

I don’t see any problem. A forum/IM relationship usually doesn’t evolve into meeting the person in person. And getting deep into another’s personal life over the internet is rare as well. If the husband has no IM or doesn’t talk on the forum, how are you to get a hold of him? And if you just want to talk to his wife about racing, it isn’t a situation that could lead to sin.

And agreed, cutting all contact with a person you talked to on a semi-regular basis leaves the person wondering. What happened, did I do something wrong…

It’s a good idea to be friends with both spouses, reasonable and encouraged in person. It should be that way, it makes sense. You see the person, you go out together, you all become friends.
But something like IM or a forum? If it’s that standard then half the people on this forum shouldn’t be here because they’re chatting with and making friends with singles, when their spouse doesn’t have an account.

Cut contact if it’s bothering you, but don’t just stop talking and avoid her. She’ll wonder and she’ll be hurt.

From personal experience I find that that makes no difference. I’ve seen many a husband cheat with with his “best friend’s” wife.

Hello, am new to this forums. Am a single guy. I personally know a few couples and a married ladies. I don’t find it disturbing to be friends if not good friends with a married woman just for interests sake. Well and good and healthy.

I do agree that it does get knotty where emotions get concerned. In that aspect, personal contact is up to your own discretion. However I would try to stay away from meeting a married woman alone.

Friends wise, if you feel that you are drawing too close for comfort, I’d recommend that you explain to her nicely bout it. Unless she’s quite pushy about it, then I’d cut contacts as per Pro life teen’s post.

I agree that a lost of a friend is quite painful. Spare a thought for her feelings too if you’re just ordinary friends.

Plus due to the context that you post in a regular forum, it’s ok as there’re other users there that participate in the dialogue. We all need friends, better to have one more than one less if everything is normal.

Jesus was single, yet had many married followers. It’s a good thing he didn’t steer clear of all married women, or we’d end up like the Shakers… A friendship with someone of the opposite sex seems perfectly acceptable as long as neither party is seeking or finds something more in the relationship.

Now, I take it you are asking the question of whether it is okay because you have feelings for her (or she for you), not just because she’s married. If true, it’s probably best to keep yourself out of the situation to avoid the occassion of sin.

Realize it’s not just their marriage you put at risk, but your happiness as well.

We hear about spouses cheating…but I bet sometimes, it doesn’t end in cheating. Instead, it ends in a single guy like you feeling crushed.

I know that’s what happened to a coworker when he tried to be friends with me.

If I followed this advice, I wouldn’t have a good friend. I am 33 and married, he is 20 and single. We talk all the time while working and enjoy each other’s company. We laugh and joke, along with other co-workers. I gave him 10 Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives because I care about his future. I would LOVE to someday be friends with him AND his wife.

This kid is cute as all get out, and yes, I noticed. But I have morals, and so does he, as a very serious-minded evangelical Christian. (Never mind that I am 33 and have a body that gave birth to 5 babies… no 20 year old wants a piece of this! :rotfl: ) I can be friends with him and not have anything bad happen. There is emotional attachment, but it’s more like a motherly feeling. I like him and care about him and want the best for him.

I understand the idea of avoiding temptation. But I don’t think just walling ourselves off from entire classes of people is reasonable. If we remember who we are, and the commitments we have made, at all times, then I think we can be friends with anyone.

I would have no problem introducing this young man to my DH. The only reason they haven’t met is just because my DH is usually asleep when I work, and of course, the guy in question does have a life. My DH has in fact teased me about my young boyfriend at work. :stuck_out_tongue:

I am divorced and I have a close male friend, someone from college. He is married, and I have made a conscious effort to include his wife in our friendship. He lives in a neighboring state, so most of our contact is via email. I am careful to write as if his wife were going to read my emails, because for all I know, she does read them. I love this man dearly as a friend and as a brother in Christ, and the last thing I would want to do is become an occasion of sin for him. If he started to act as if he wanted to pursue something more involved than friendship with me, we would have a serious talk and if that didn’t take care of it, I would have to cut off contact with him. Within these boundaries, such a friendship is fine, IMHO, especially among older folks such as ourselves (he and I are in our 50’s). But if someone isn’t mature enough to keep things at this level, then they need to nip it in the bud before someone gets hurt and/or falls into mortal sin. :twocents:

Why cut off contact? Because your only intentions are friendship, you don’t have a problem. Can spending time with this person lead to gossip and hearsay? Sure it can. But, you can also invite her husband out if he is a race fan, or make it a group outing. I wouldn’t cut off contact unless her husband had a problem with your friendship. You may end up becoming good friends with her husband, or gaining new friends from a group.

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