Married to wife with no faith


#1

Hello all,

I married my wife a a few years ago. Before we married my wife was brought up with no faith. She showed a little interest in the faith and started RCIA classed and was received into the Church, and was baptised, confirmed and made first Holy Communion.

When we married in the Church, she was not practicing her faith. I had to almost force her to go to conffesions a couple of days before we were to be married. She has not been since.

She never had a strong faith, and when we had a still born child, she really has lost all faith wont go to Mass or receive the Sacraments and questions why God would let this happen to the child. We also have had 2 healthy beautiful daughters.

I find it quite hard at times to keep strong in my faith and bring my daughters up in their faith by my own. I think my life, marriage and faith would be so much better if my wife was strong in her faith as well.

When I see other young couples at Mass or at Holy Shrines, pilgrimages etc, I get quite jealous and wish me and my wife was like them. I just know just how better our life would be by going to Mass together, prayer groups, pilgrimages, day trips to shrines etc.

I do love my wife and children, but sometimes think it would of been easier to of found some one who was already strong in their the faith or enter the religious life (which i really feel called to and really regret not discerning)

Thank you for reading.


#2

I can relate to nearly every part of your situation. I’ll be praying for you, Tonyk84.


#3

I know how you feel to live with ppl with no faith. i am the only Catholic in my immediate family :frowning: i’ll pray for you


#4

[quote="tonyk84, post:1, topic:297368"]
Hello all,

I married my wife a a few years ago. Before we married my wife was brought up with no faith. She showed a little interest in the faith and started RCIA classed and was received into the Church, and was baptised, confirmed and made first Holy Communion.

When we married in the Church, she was not practicing her faith. I had to almost force her to go to conffesions a couple of days before we were to be married. She has not been since.

She never had a strong faith, and when we had a still born child, she really has lost all faith wont go to Mass or receive the Sacraments and questions why God would let this happen to the child. We also have had 2 healthy beautiful daughters.

I find it quite hard at times to keep strong in my faith and bring my daughters up in their faith by my own. I think my life, marriage and faith would be so much better if my wife was strong in her faith as well.

When I see other young couples at Mass or at Holy Shrines, pilgrimages etc, I get quite jealous and wish me and my wife was like them. I just know just how better our life would be by going to Mass together, prayer groups, pilgrimages, day trips to shrines etc.

I do love my wife and children, but sometimes think it would of been easier to of found some one who was already strong in their the faith or enter the religious life (which i really feel called to and really regret not discerning)

Thank you for reading.

[/quote]

Try not to be bitter and jealous of others - you have no idea how their lives are. Your wife needs prayer, a lot of it, and she may also need counseling if she seems depressed. It sounds as if she converted to please you, not that she had much interest in truly living as a Catholic. Even if she tries, it's going to be difficult for her since she has no context for her faith. Can you talk to her about the loss of the baby? Will she pray with you? Is she still going to church with you?

You need to stop looking at what you might have done and how things could have been. You have a wife and 2 girls now. Forget about discernment - you now have a vocation as a married husband and father.

I would look into grief counseling for the 2 of you. A stillborn infant can destroy a woman's state of mind even IF she has a faith in God. Look after your house. And pray. I will add your family into my prayers.


#5

I would recommend picking up the Diary of Elizabeth Leseur. Its a great read and she is a currently on the path to sainthood and struggled with similar issues.


#6

My wife agreed to RCIA before marriage. She was sincere but is just not growing in the faith with me. We have been married for 26 years and she still resists and complains about confession. She is just not into the faith. I believe she has been spiritually harmed by contraception and a refusal to give it up and come clean. This situation has affected our kids too. I have friends and relatives that are thriving in the faith at at the same time. How humiliating it can be at times.

I proceed with as much patience as I can muster. My goal is to convince my kids to marry someone who is really faith filled. I joke a little that the best place to pick up a date is in the line for the sacrament of penance. On occasion, I remind them of the importance of marrying someone "equally yoked."

Let's all pray for each other.


#7

[quote="Samuel63, post:6, topic:297368"]
My wife agreed to RCIA before marriage. She was sincere but is just not growing in the faith with me. We have been married for 26 years and she still resists and complains about confession. She is just not into the faith. I believe she has been spiritually harmed by contraception and a refusal to give it up and come clean. This situation has affected our kids too. I have friends and relatives that are thriving in the faith at at the same time. How humiliating it can be at times.

I proceed with as much patience as I can muster. My goal is to convince my kids to marry someone who is really faith filled. I joke a little that the best place to pick up a date is in the line for the sacrament of penance. On occasion, I remind them of the importance of marrying someone "equally yoked."

Let's all pray for each other.

[/quote]

Yes, let's. I think some of us could go into business selling green scapulars.

:(


#8

Tony: Perhaps, God saw that your wife needed to marry you for her spiritual welfare more than for yours? Be patient. It may take a long time. Read - no, memorize 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, verses 4 through 7. Have a good life. ~Bill


#9

Thanks Bill! That is great advice.


#10

Thanks for the comments guys.


#11

[quote="tonyk84, post:1, topic:297368"]
Hello all,

I find it quite hard at times to keep strong in my faith and bring my daughters up in their faith by my own. I think my life, marriage and faith would be so much better if my wife was strong in her faith as well.

When I see other young couples at Mass or at Holy Shrines, pilgrimages etc, I get quite jealous and wish me and my wife was like them. I just know just how better our life would be by going to Mass together, prayer groups, pilgrimages, day trips to shrines etc.

I do love my wife and children, but sometimes think it would of been easier to of found some one who was already strong in their the faith or enter the religious life (which i really feel called to and really regret not discerning)

Thank you for reading.

[/quote]

It seems that it is you that is really struggling with your faith in the midst of a situation with your wife that you cannot control to your own religious preferences. Going to mass, shrines, etc is good religious practice but that alone, as you know, does not translate into having faith.

If you truly trust that a power greater than yourself is raining down divinity on all of creation then you must also trust that in that raining each of us individually is being called to awaken to the God given Godly nature of all things - starting with ourself. In the end you are not responsible for leading your wife to an understanding of the divine nature of creation however, by the way you live your life, you can allow the light to shine through you in a manner that attracts her to seek that which is always true within herself.


#12

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