Married v Clergy V Single


#1

Is there any doctirnal inferiority about being a single Catholic?
If so, how is it dealth with in scripture?

While I do see someone at present, our age difference, she is 24 I am 47, is coming into play. I realized this going into the friendship. If it does not work out I am not inclined to look for a new relationship. I do not like children in general. I would honor them for the right woman. However, the single me has to admit the desire to stay away from children. Ironically I taught school out of sheer necesity and it was far worse than I could have
imagined.

I never had a religous calling. I looked into it, was disapointed at being told no. But, and came to see they were right.

I was single, that is without something serious, a long time. Perhaps it will be I will never mesh with a woman. Yet one of the hardest things is feeling left out of community because of being single. Moreover, in my last go round with this status at a parish, parishoners, usually married ladies seemed to be nudging me towards women in the parish. I thought this rather presumptious. In fact half the reason I started going to Mass at a monastery is the fact that I felt unwelcome at the parish I was at because of being single. As things stand, a single me, will never go back to Mass at a parish again. Getting married would of course change this. To be fair, if this friendhip does not progess, I am on a work schedule that a vampire has. I wouldn’t meet other women anyway. I am lucky I work near this monastery so at least I can get to a Mass.


#2

WHILE I DON’T HAVE EVERYTHING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, there isn’t supposed to be a difference. We are respectful to priests because they act in persona Christi, not because they are priests. Did you know they were supposed to be respectful of lay people and their vocations as well? St. Paul was the one who repeatedly broached the subject of being and remaining single, as he was was.

I know I read someplace in another thread and area something by somebody who said the single state is just supposed to be a sort of “search” state for married or consecrated life, but I think that’s inaccurate.

You are about my age. The odds are good if you haven’t married yet, you aren’t going to get married. If you don’t like kids, then please, don’t get married. And while it shouldn’t be a big deal if things are right, a 23-year age gap IS a big thing.

Did you try more than one religious community? Just wondering. Maybe one wasn’t right for you, but another might be. There are all sorts of them. Maybe you can find one that will tie into your current profession.

In my diocese, there are several women who are consecrated virgins. They are women who live in the world, self-supporting, NOT religious, but have vowed their virginity or chastity to Christ. It is considered a sacramental.

I recall an article about a guy who wasn’t a professed religious, but lived a similar lifestyle as an urban hermit. It didn’t mean cutting himself off from community (far from it). It had more to do with the chastity thing and establishing himself in one place, with the approval and support of his bishop. I want to say New York, but I’m thinking Baltimore. You could give it a look through a web search. It would definitely call attention to the fact that you are a guy living in the world who is NOT called to be married, but is NOT gay or a religious.

Meantime, you DO need a different type of parish, one where people are a little more enlightened. In any event, don’t let these well-meaning ladies force you into dating if you don’t want to do that. You do have the right to say “NO, THANK YOU” forcefully.

And peace to you! I can tell by your writing you are having a rough way to go.

Just found a starter link for you:

adw.org/vocations/women.asp

Says women but deals also with HERMITS.


#3

Is there any doctrinal inferiority about being a single Catholic?
No.

Marriage is a vocation, and should be embraced by those so called. In that respect, it is like the priesthood or the religious life. If you are not called, you should not pursue the vocation. Not everyone will be called to such vocations. Perhaps your calling is to be a missionary, and the single life is best. Perhaps your calling is to devote more than a tithe to support your parish/EWTN/CA/etc., because you can more easily affor it. Perhaps you are called to the religious life, but the timing was not God’s timing and you should try again. I guess the bottom line is you should pray for discernment, and in the mean time investigate religious orders, missionary works, charities, and the marital vocation.

There is no doctrinal inferiority about being a single Catholic - it is simply a different vocation.

I hope that helps.

God Bless,
RyanL


#4

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