Married with Herpes


#1

Hello,

When I was younger I was involved in heavy drug use as well as premarital sex.
I later went into drug treatment so I could gain the tools to conquer my addictions.
I later returned to the Catholic Church as well as completing my confirmation.
I have been married now for 9 years with my beautiful wife and we have a healthy 2 year old son together.
Throughout our marriage, my wife and I have used condoms to prevent any spread of the herpes virus I contracted during my earlier years.
The only time we did not was when we were trying to have our son.
I keep hearing it is wrong to use condoms. What about in the situation we are in? Sometimes we feel like we are slapping God in the face.
We definitely do not want any more children but we also don’t want the herpes virus to be passed.

I welcome all feedback.
God Bless


#2

[quote="alias777, post:1, topic:218894"]

I keep hearing it is wrong to use condoms.

[/quote]

You have heard correctly. Contraception is a sin against the Sixth Commandment.

[quote="alias777, post:1, topic:218894"]
What about in the situation we are in?

[/quote]

Contraception is an intrisic evil, that means there are no circumstances in which it can be used.

[quote="alias777, post:1, topic:218894"]

We definitely do not want any more children but we also don't want the herpes virus to be passed.

[/quote]

You can use natural family planning for your child spacing. Regarding the contagious nature of the disease, talk to your doctor about options other than contraception. Abstinence is the only sure way to avoid giving your spouse the disease.


#3

You are in my prayers, and I bless you for finding your way back home to Christ.

Take everything you hear on this site with a grain of salt. Some people may misread/misinterpret/be ignorant of Catholic teaching.

If you have serious concerns about sexual acts with your wife (Which are, let’s face it, pretty important to a marriage) please contact your priest, bishop, or higher ups.

CAF (Catholic Answers Forums) are a good start to your quest though!

God bless you my friend.


#4

See the following documents from the Church on a similar topic, condoms and HIV:

vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_20031201_family-values-safe-sex-trujillo_en.html


#5

I'm shocked that the Vatican say that condoms do not stop AIDS from being spread - um, yeah they do if they're used correctly.

And how can condoms be responsible for the SPREAD of AIDS when its unprotected sex which is the culprit? (obviously).


#6

[quote="LemonAndLime, post:5, topic:218894"]
I'm shocked that the Vatican say that condoms do not stop AIDS from being spread - um, yeah they do if they're used correctly.

And how can condoms be responsible for the SPREAD of AIDS when its unprotected sex which is the culprit? (obviously).

[/quote]

This thread is not about AIDS. I merely linked to the article which is applicable to the OP's situation of Herpes.

Please **start a new thread **to discuss your questions above. Or, do a search because this has been discussed ad nauseum and you will find refutations to both of your assumptions on other threads.


#7

[quote="LemonAndLime, post:5, topic:218894"]
I'm shocked that the Vatican say that condoms do not stop AIDS from being spread - um, yeah they do if they're used correctly.

And how can condoms be responsible for the SPREAD of AIDS when its unprotected sex which is the culprit? (obviously).

[/quote]

What the Church said is that Condoms aren't an effective prevention program, they have not disputed their effectiveness in stopping the spread of HIV in an individual sexual encounter, the problem is that in African countries where condoms have been made widely available and education on how to properly utilize them is widespread there has been little increase in the spread of HIV. This isn't just the Church saying it, but pretty much every leading researcher on AIDS epidemic is trying to encourage new methods because condoms simply haven't proven effective for a variety of reasons. Programs encouraging fidelity, openness and male circumcision (cuts the chance of transmission down by over half) have been shown to be the most effective.

Not to completely take away credit from Condoms I will mention that in some South American countries, where the spread of AIDS was mainly through prostitution, the governments started regulating such services and enforcing the use of Condoms and that almost eliminated the problem there. So Condoms are great when prostitutes are involved. The thing is when sex is happening due to unregulated social interactions for whatever reasons condoms have proved ineffective.

A similar phenomenon exists with seat-belts, even though it has been proven that in any average car crash a seatbelt reduces the risk to the occupants a great deal the number of crash related deaths and injuries did not seriously drop as a result of seat belt laws. Instead the number of high velocity crashes increased and the percentage of deaths caused in automobile accidents only went down a few percent. (Google research on risk compensation for other similar cases). For some reason the feeling of safety makes the average person far more willing to increase risky behavior.


#8

[quote="PatrickSebast, post:7, topic:218894"]
What the Church said is that Condoms aren't an effective prevention program, they have not disputed their effectiveness in stopping the spread of HIV in an individual sexual encounter, the problem is that in African countries where condoms have been made widely available and education on how to properly utilize them is widespread there has been little increase in the spread of HIV. This isn't just the Church saying it, but pretty much every leading researcher on AIDS epidemic is trying to encourage new methods because condoms simply haven't proven effective for a variety of reasons. Programs encouraging fidelity, openness and male circumcision (cuts the chance of transmission down by over half) have been shown to be the most effective.

Not to completely take away credit from Condoms I will mention that in some South American countries, where the spread of AIDS was mainly through prostitution, the governments started regulating such services and enforcing the use of Condoms and that almost eliminated the problem there. So Condoms are great when prostitutes are involved. The thing is when sex is happening due to unregulated social interactions for whatever reasons condoms have proved ineffective.

A similar phenomenon exists with seat-belts, even though it has been proven that in any average car crash a seatbelt reduces the risk to the occupants a great deal the number of crash related deaths and injuries did not seriously drop as a result of seat belt laws. Instead the number of high velocity crashes increased and the percentage of deaths caused in automobile accidents only went down a few percent. (Google research on risk compensation for other similar cases). For some reason the feeling of safety makes the average person far more willing to increase risky behavior.

[/quote]

I do agree completely with what you're saying, but the Church does not say its an effective program, but that condoms themselves are at fault. There's a difference and I don't think what you're saying is what the Church is saying unless you've got another source you can link me to. Please send me a PM its an area of Catholic teaching I want to know more about. :)

Apologies for making the thread go off-topic again, I just wanted to respond to this poster.

Back on topic - I just want to say I'm very sorry about your situation OP. Speak to your Priest if you have not already done so for advice on your issue, but don't go alone - bring your wife with you.


#9

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Just here to help. Thanks!! :)


#10

[quote="LemonAndLime, post:5, topic:218894"]
I'm shocked that the Vatican say that condoms do not stop AIDS from being spread - um, yeah they do if they're used correctly.

And how can condoms be responsible for the SPREAD of AIDS when its unprotected sex which is the culprit? (obviously).

[/quote]

As used condoms do very little to prevent the spread of AIDs. By using condoms people are given a false sense of security and "think" they are safe while engaging in risky sexual behavior when in reality they are not.

As used condoms have a failure rate of near 17% in preventing pregnancy - not using anything at all has a failure rate of 50%. Using condoms to prevent HIV is about as effective as crossing your fingers and hoping for "luck".

While condoms are effective at preventing the spread of HIV nearly 98% of the time under laboratory like conditions - most people don't have sex in laboratories.

"You just can’t tell people it’s all right to do whatever you want as long as you wear a condom. It (AIDS) is just too dangerous a disease to say that."

Dr. Harold Jaffee, chief of epidemiology, National Centers for Disease Control

"Simply put, condoms fail. And condoms fail at a rate unacceptable for me as a physician to endorse them as a strategy to be promoted as meaningful AIDS protection."

Dr. Robert Renfield, chief of retro-viral research, Walter Reed Army Institute

In 1993 the University of Texas analyzed the results of 11 different studies that had tracked the effectiveness of condoms to prevent transmission of the AIDS virus. The average condom failure rate in the 11 studies for preventing transmission of the AIDS virus was 31%.


#11

Not to derail the thread, but this just doesn’t make sense. I know of several couples who have used condums for years and have avoided preganancy. In fact, one couple I know has an STD, they are intimate, and the other is still clean. So, condums fail alot how…?

Ironically, I never even said they should be used.


#12

[quote="Rascalking, post:11, topic:218894"]
Not to derail the thread, but this just doesn't make sense. I know of several couples who have used condums for years and have avoided preganancy. In fact, one couple I know has an STD, they are intimate, and the other is still clean. So, condums fail alot how...?

Ironically, I never even said they should be used.

[/quote]

I've never heard you say that they should be used. Where did you say that? :p There's a difference between suggesting something be used and speaking the truth (no matter how much we don't like it to be true).

As to how condoms fail a lot...Regardless of the rules of the Church regarding condoms, they fail when people don't use them correctly. When used correctly they have a high success rate, which is why those you know have used them effectively.


#13

[quote="Rence, post:12, topic:218894"]
I've never heard you say that they should be used. Where did you say that? :p .

[/quote]

No Rence, your right. I never said that and no one accused me of it. Conisder it a defensive stratgey first!
;)


#14

[quote="Rence, post:12, topic:218894"]
As to how condoms fail a lot...Regardless of the rules of the Church regarding condoms, they fail when people don't use them correctly. When used correctly they have a high success rate, which is why those you know have used them effectively.

[/quote]

But a huge percentage of the population does not - even with education. That's why the UN's efforts to slow the spread of AIDs in Africa has been a dismal failure and has probably resulted in even more deaths instead of fewer.


#15

[quote="Rence, post:12, topic:218894"]
.......When used correctly they have a high success rate, which is why those you know have used them effectively.

[/quote]

Saying that something has a high success rate means that there is a significant failure rate associated with it. When a rate is associated with a high frequency of events, the total failures result in large numbers. If airplanes were to have the catastrophic failure rates of condoms the airline industry would not exist.


#16

[quote="Cristiano, post:15, topic:218894"]
Saying that something has a high success rate means that there is a significant failure rate associated with it. When a rate is associated with a high frequency of events, the total failures result in large numbers. If airplanes were to have the catastrophic failure rates of condoms the airline industry would not exist.

[/quote]

If condums fail all the time, why do they exist?


#17

[quote="Rascalking, post:16, topic:218894"]
If condums fail all the time, why do they exist?

[/quote]

Who said that condoms fail all the time? Even a broken clock is correct twice a day.


#18

[quote="Cristiano, post:17, topic:218894"]
Who said that condoms fail all the time? Even a broken clock is correct twice a day.

[/quote]

Cute.

Okay, how about this- if condums fail most/alot/some/10 precent/20 percent/whatever percent, why do 1) they keep getting made and 2) so many people seem to be able to succsessfully use them to avoid disease/preganancy?


#19

[quote="Rascalking, post:18, topic:218894"]
Cute.

Okay, how about this- if condums fail most/alot/some/10 precent/20 percent/whatever percent, why do 1) they keep getting made and 2) so many people seem to be able to succsessfully use them to avoid disease/preganancy?

[/quote]

I do not understand what your point is. At one point the ratio of success rate/failure rate is considered favorable enough by enough people to be a convenient business venture. I think that you are confused with the terms most, a lot, and some. Most implies a majority as in something more that 50%. "A lot" usually implies an absolute number that is considered to be too much of a risk even if it is a small probability. "Some" usually implies an absolute number that while significant could still be considered an acceptable risk.


#20

[quote="Cristiano, post:19, topic:218894"]
I do not understand what your point is. At one point the ratio of success rate/failure rate is considered favorable enough by enough people to be a convenient business venture. I think that you are confused with the terms most, a lot, and some. Most implies a majority as in something more that 50%. "A lot" usually implies an absolute number that is considered to be too much of a risk even if it is a small probability. "Some" usually implies an absolute number that while significant could still be considered an acceptable risk.

[/quote]

It doesn't matter really, because I don't understand what your point is either.

Cheers.


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