I’m 25 and a student in the UK in the process of completely my second degree (second Bachelor’s). I met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and want to get married.
Financial situation: I have two years left of the course and the course is paid by the government and doesn’t need to be paid back. My partner is also very financially stable, he’s 8 years older than me and able to support us both.
Why I don’t want to wait longer to marry:
I want to marry my partner because we’re both ready. I like to spend enough time thinking things through when making decisions, I’m not an impulsive person as it may seem this way by what I’m about to say next. We both know we want to be together and I feel like life is too short to wait around unnecessarily. Some months ago I was taken to A&E (accident and emergency) with severe abdominal pains. It doesn’t seem to be serious but that hasn’t been completely confirmed yet, I have surgery in a couple of weeks and they’ll take a biopsy. It may also impact on my ability to have children. I think it is partly this health scare scaring me, making me think what if something happens to me that my life expectancy is reduced and I don’t get to marry him or enjoy any of my life with him.
My partner is from another country and is moving to the UK in a couple of weeks. I’m 25 and he’s 33 and we have both waited for marriage. We’ve both waited this long but there was never any real temptation. Now we’ve found each other and are extremely attracted to each other and going to see each other so often I’m not sure how well we’ll manage waiting (for sexual intimacy) for two whole years. We are both determined to wait and to enforce boundaries to be able to do that but I know we’re both going to struggle. (And part of my thinks he has been waiting 8 years longer than me and it isn’t fair to make him wait 2 more years).
I’m always concerned about him, if he’s eating well, sleeping well etc. I just need to be close to him. I want to wake up next to him, to fall asleep next to him, to care for and provide for him in all the ways a wife does. I have an aching need for this.
I’m ready to make a commitment to my partner as is he. I’m ready to be his wife to be his married partner, ‘teammate’ as he commonly says. We’ve faced so many challenges and always found a way to overcome them, our love is real, deep and permanent.
The only thing putting the brakes on things is my course. I know there is a high chance getting married and being a newylwed will distract me from my course and I want to excel but could it not also work in the opposite way? Being married may also make me focus better as my partner will be close by, give me support, my time will be forced to be well managed (though it is already) and I can see that he’s okay every morning and night and help to care and provide for him.
Some may say my social life will suffer but that really doesn’t matter to me, I do not socialise too much as it is anyway as I’m focused on getting good grades. I’ve also had the university experience already, this is my second degree. Though of course I wouldn’t spend ALL my free time with my husband so I’m sure I’ll still have time to socialise.
My partner is 100% supportive of my course. Like me he says the only thing that is making him thinking about waiting to marry until I’m finished is he wants me to do my best and not to distract me.
I’m having a real head or heart problem, as in do I go with my head that says to wait or my heart that says to marry in the summer before my final year.
What I would like to know from others is do you know of anyone who has married while being a student as I cannot truly know what this experience is like until it happens if it happens.
Online the only things I can see is that some people struggled as they had financial problems but that really isn’t likely to happen. About 20% of my course (aged about 19, 22, 27, 34 and 45) are living with a married or unmarried partner and they get very good grades, so grades do not have to suffer. In terms of the typical challenges of marriage, as I said my partner and I’s relationship has been tested so many times in so many ways and continues to thrive. The more challenges we face it only brings us closer, we are a great team I know whatever challenges we face we can handle them well as we have so far and we are so devoted to each other and determined to resolve things as quickly as we can.
Yes, it’s likely the marriage at the start may be a little strained as I’ll be studying hard but my partner will also be working hard. We are also very considerate and understanding. My final year is also only 9 months long.
Does anyone have any useful advice or experience to share that my help me and my partner in making a decision on what to do?
Thank you in advance.