Marrying Older?

Hello everyone,
This is my first post, but I have been lurking for awhile. :slight_smile:

I am currently applying to the Peace Corps. This is something I have wanted to do for awhile and I am really looking forward to serving where I am sent. If things fall through, I will probably either get a master’s degree or a second bachelor’s to become a teacher, something else I have wanted to do.

The thing is, I will be 23 next month, and most of my friends are either married or getting married. I’m probably being neurotic, and people keep telling me I’ve plenty of time and don’t realize how young I am, but by the time I get out of the Peace Corps I will be 25 or 26. I currently have no prospects in sight, and I have always wanted to be a young mother, and at this point I’m not sure that will happen. I have no romantic illusions about marriage, and I don’t sit around pining for a man. I have a life. But marriage and children are things I have always strongly desired.

How old were all of you when you got married? And had kids? For those of you who married in your late 20s or older, do you regret having to wait so long? I know the national average for marrying age is around 27, but most of my friends have been at least engaged by the time they were 22! I’m starting to feel like there might not be any good men left (especially Catholic ones). I know that’s a ridiculous notion, but I do have an irrational side :). I’m not putting my life on hold either. I am totally open to dating the right guys any time, even in the Peace Corps. I’m just not sure what kind of guys I will meet there, and fear it might be slim pickings when I get back.

Any thoughts are appreciated. Sorry for the long rambling post :slight_smile:

boy does this bring back memories. Back when the Peace Corps was new that was the plan of then boyfriend (now DH) and I to finish college, serve in the Peace Corps, then marry and raise a family. We even researched marrying first and entering as a couple. things fast-forwarded and we found ourselve married with children by the time we graduated and the need to make a living trumped those dreams.

a parish mission 10 years ago helped us revive the dream in a different form. We embarked on a 5-year plan to sell our business, downsize, retire, move and spend the rest of our time as domestic missionaries. We are now in the 5th year of the plan, the last kid having moved out and married, we sold everything, discerned where we are supposed to be. The whole thing is a long story but we believe we are in the place and position God wishes us to be at this time, both working for the Church. Not the kind of development work the peace corps would have been, but still building the kingdom.

If marriage is not on the horizon now, go for it, dream dreams and see visions and the bible says. It is a lot harder to get the dream back in your 50s or 60s, but it can be done. The single vocation, whether permanent or temporary, permits this kind of extravagent sacrifice and service, so if that is where you are called go. I also seem to recall the PC was considered a great way to meet other singles who shared your values. Hope it is still that way.

If not the Peace Corps try the Jesuit Volunteer Corps, or lay missionaries of societies such as Maryknoll. The bishops publish a yearly catalog of domestic and foreign mission and volunteer opportunities for lay people.

My brother-in-law met his precious wife while working in the Peace Corps in Africa. They eventually married and now he works for the state department. His first assignment was Africa and now he’s back on this continent. And to think he went to college for engineering! He pursued his dreams. But I don’t know her side of the story… I suppose I should ask her about it the next time I see her.

[quote=Meg_M]How old were all of you when you got married? And had kids? For those of you who married in your late 20s or older, do you regret having to wait so long? I know the national average for marrying age is around 27, but most of my friends have been at least engaged by the time they were 22! I’m starting to feel like there might not be any good men left (especially Catholic ones). I know that’s a ridiculous notion, but I do have an irrational side
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My wife was 32 when she married me and 35 when we had our first child. I may disagree with them :rolleyes: but I’ve heard that I was a pretty good catch :smiley:

As far as children … being older and more mature and more financially secure, we felt that we’ve been able to give our children a more stable home life. The down side is that when are grandparents, we’ll really look the part. :frowning:

[quote=Meg_M] Hello everyone,
This is my first post, but I have been lurking for awhile. :slight_smile:

I am currently applying to the Peace Corps. This is something I have wanted to do for awhile and I am really looking forward to serving where I am sent. If things fall through, I will probably either get a master’s degree or a second bachelor’s to become a teacher, something else I have wanted to do.

The thing is, I will be 23 next month, and most of my friends are either married or getting married. I’m probably being neurotic, and people keep telling me I’ve plenty of time and don’t realize how young I am, but by the time I get out of the Peace Corps I will be 25 or 26. I currently have no prospects in sight, and I have always wanted to be a young mother, and at this point I’m not sure that will happen. I have no romantic illusions about marriage, and I don’t sit around pining for a man. I have a life. But marriage and children are things I have always strongly desired.
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If God has placed a true desire for a vocation to marriage and family in your heart, he will fulfill it in his time. He seems to also have placed a calling for service at this time in your life. Follow God’s plan. Perhaps you will meet your future spouse through your service work.

[quote=Meg_M] How old were all of you when you got married?
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38, just this past August

[quote=Meg_M] And had kids?
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No children yet, but we hope to be parents

[quote=Meg_M] For those of you who married in your late 20s or older, do you regret having to wait so long?
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No, not at all. Waiting on God’s time and for the person God wants to give you is sometimes difficult, but worth it.

Perhaps not all of them are marrying for the right reason. Honestly, I can’t imagine being married at 22, but that is an individual decision.

[quote=Meg_M] I’m starting to feel like there might not be any good men left (especially Catholic ones).
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No, this is not true at all. It can be hard to find a faithfully practicing Catholic spouse, but there are places to look. I met my husband on Ave Maria, an online Catholic singles site. There are faithful Catholic men out there, you will find the one God has in mind for you at the right time.

[quote=Meg_M] I’m not putting my life on hold either. I am totally open to dating the right guys any time, even in the Peace Corps. I’m just not sure what kind of guys I will meet there, and fear it might be slim pickings when I get back.
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My advice is to trust God.

Hi,

I was 37 when I got married and 40 when I had my first child. We’ve only been blessed with two children so far. I am now 47 and love being a mom at this age!

St. Therese’s mother was 29 and her father in his late thirties when they married. They had nine children (five of whom survived to adulthood).

My grandmother and greatgrandmother were both 30 when they married. They had five and four children respectively.

I married the week after I turned 22. I’m grateful because I do not believe I had the fortitude/spiritual formation to maintain a chaste single life. However, I was very immature and not a great wife. My husband was pretty immature too. Those early years weren’t much fun. Now, life is great!! Thank goodness we grew up together and not in different directions.

I have a friend who married at 32 to a man of 37. They are both devout Catholics with two young children. I know they are both grateful that they didn’t marry earlier to others.

I was 27, my Wife was 31, had our first child 4 years later, it’s been a wonderful Marriage, we are both very much in Love and will always be.

I remember feeling utterly panicked as my twenties were passing by with no marriage, despite my dating very actively. Now I praise God I did not marry sooner as I was not ready on so many fronts. Even though I converted from agnosticism to Protestantism at age 25, I am so grateful I did not marry until after I became a Catholic. When I was panicking about no good men being left and all my eggs drying up (which are both legitimate), I never listened to everybody who told me that I would be doing a lot of character-forming in my twenties and simply to relax. My husband and I married at age 35 (him) and 29-a-few-days-later (me). Keep in mind, the Catholic and non-Catholic divorce rates are the same, so a lot of your friends married by 22 will be divorced within a few years.

We know of a couple at a friend’s church who married when she was 30 (and he is blind, by the way, which adds drama to the story). He supports the family and she is a homemaker who has had nine children despite her late marriage! She had her last around 45, I recall, and only lamented she did not conceive another as “ten seemed like a nice round number.” Who knows what God will bring us!

Go to the Peace Corps, keep dating, and WORK ON BEING A WOMAN WORTHY OF MARRYING A FANTASTIC MAN. That way, when God sends a fantastic man your way–a man better and different in ways you could never imagine–you’ll be ready!

[quote=Meg_M]How old were all of you when you got married? and had kids?
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I am a male and I was 20 when I married. I was 21 when we had our first child (a son). If I had it all to do over again, I would have waited for both. That’s not to say that I don’t love my wife or my children, but 21 was simply too young for me. I am now 40, still married, but separated from my wife (not by my choice). When people decide to marry, they (BOTH PEOPLE) absolutely must know and understand themselves, what they want in life, and where they want to go.
You are still young and despite the fact that many people close to you are either married or engaged, you should NOT feel that you should be in the same boat. Pray about it. You may or may not be called to that life. God bless.

When you find the man you can’t live without, marry him immediately.

Seriously, you can’t control these things.

Are you going to turn Mr. Right away because you think you’re too young, but you know this is the ONLY man you can grow old and happy with?

Are you going to sit around doing nothing, waiting for Mr. Right to come along, making yourself miserable because you’re not doing the things in life you really want to do? What kind of person are you going to be for him?

God has a plan for you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

I’ll be 50 years old in May and God’s plan was for me not to marry and have children. When I look back, I know that was right for me. I had a wonderful career, a great education, I have the freedome to do almost anything I want. I have no regrets.

For the next 50 years, I hope to serve God in return for Him giving me a full life.

I was 28 when I got married (turned 29 the next month) and my husband was 32. We had our first baby 3 months ago at ages 31 and 35. I’m glad I didn’t marry earlier because I know that God meant me to be with my dh and have our ds. I think if we had met earlier we might not have like each other based on the stories I’ve heard of dh before we met. :wink: But I do understand. I wasn’t the last of my friends to get married, but I was close. It’s frustrating to be the only single in a group of marrieds. God has a plan though. He’ll put you in touch with Mr. Right when the time is right too.

Blessings!

It sounds to me (as it did to an earlier poster) that you have a calling. Answer it…it may be the thing that leads you not only to your spouse, but to your purpose in life–neither of which have pre-determined age requirements.

[quote=LeahInancsi]When you find the man you can’t live without, marry him immediately.

Seriously, you can’t control these things.

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:slight_smile: I know how this is is. I was single and loving it for 20 years and in an instance, I fell extremely in love with a girl. It’s strange too because when you’re around that person you always think about marrying and having children (if you haven’t done so already).

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