I’m not deliberatly seeking inaccurances. I think I should explain. I’m in my early 30s, and was raised a conservative fundementalist (Open Bretheren) I was then sent to a presbytarian high school . Then on leaving school I rejected organized religion as being somthing I had tried and it hadn’t worked for me. I continued to believe in God and the Bible, and to pray off and on despite being desperatly off the rails.
In my late 20s I started looking for answers in eastern religions, but was unable to accept the place Christ is relegated to as in my view he is utterly unique as the Son of God. I also couldn’t believe in reincarnation.
The ‘value’ I found in these religions was the practice of meditation and contemplation which is utterly lacking in the religions I was raised in. So I found myself basically alone, wanting to believe in something I couldn’t accept for a technique only. Then I discovered the Catholic traditions of mysticism, in the writings of Brother Lawrance, St John of the Cross and Tressa of Avila, The cloud of unknowing and the spiritual excercises of St Ignatious of Loyola, also the Imitation of Christ which I use as a devotional.
Then I read an article on praying the Rosary, which I now do twice a day (in an altered form, no assumption or crowning of Mary as queen of heaven, and using Lamb of God instead of Hail Mary), and it really seems to help me. I feel I’ve found a way to be focused on God, my life is changing, properly, in that my behavour is starting to match my beliefs, I’‘m walking the talk’ if you like.
My problem now is this: I want to pray the rosary properly (using the hail Mary but I still think it might be wrong to pay to Mary I use the Lamb of God prayer). Basically everything I look at is pointing me to catholism. I’ve started attending an Anglican church as it’s as close as my conscience will allow me to go at this point. But something in me keeps pulling me towards it. I’m not looking for reasons not to belive in Catholism, but rather for reasons why I can!
It’s hard to understand, how ingrained the belief that the Catholic church is Idoltous worships Mary and is the beast of revelation, but this is where I started from unfortunatly. I think these things probably aren’t true (espeicially revelation), but veneration of Mary still makes me deeply unconfortable… and I remain to be convinced.
So it’s important to me to find out exactly what I would have to believe in order to join the church…
Sorry I know this is long, probably annoying maybe offensive, but maybe you can help me.
Thanks for you patience