I have seen people raising funds for crazy things on social media. If they are sick, they need money donated to pay for their sick leave. If their grandfather is deaf, they want to raise funds via social media to buy his hearing aids.
One of my friends is engaged and asked for MONEY TO PAY FOR THE WEDDING. I am all up for giving to charity, but I feel like it is tacky to ask for money for a WEDDING! I don’t want to seem like I don’t care about other people, but am I wrong for thinking it’s a bad idea to ask for money for a wedding?!?
If you don’t like the idea, then don’t give. If your view is shared by many others, then their campaign will have very little success, but I can’t think of any moral reason why your friend shouldn’t try for the funding - which would, after all, be freely given out of the goodness of other people’s hearts. Just because it’s not to your tastes doesn’t make it wrong.
There was a guy that lives around here, that walked to work every day for many years, last month, he could not afford a car. Last month one of his kids posted his story on one of those ‘go fund me’ websites, within 3 weeks, random people had donated over $238,000. This was just for a guy that was apparently happy walking to and from work!
They bought him a car and they also set up a trust to help him use the rest of the money wisely.
Ive heard a few other stories like this recently too.
If it’s done in the free market, I’m not going to object. But if you do object, then don’t send the money. It should be that simple.
That’s how it works.
Now, if you want to reach out to them and tell them it’s a bad idea, well, that’s your privy in the marketplace as well…but I wouldn’t recommend doing it unless you have discerned an obligation in conscience to do so.
What was notable about the guy who walked to work was that: he walked a 21 mile round trip in addition to taking a bus part way; he did it for 10 years; and he had perfect attendance at work. People were willing to donate to that cause because this man’s perserverence was inspiring and people were willing to reward him for it.
In the case of a couple wanting to crowd-fund their wedding, there is nothing laudable about that cause. It’s a case of two people wanting to have a party that other people pay for. There is no virtue in that and being a cheapskate should not be rewarded.
I think it’s tacky to ask for funding for a wedding reception. If the couple can’t afford an all-out $50K+ extravaganza, then maybe they shouldn’t have that, you know? I don’t get why we have a society that thinks we should all be “living large” on someone else’s dime . . .
No, I wouldn’t tell the couple - I would just not give.
Helping someone who is suffering a debilitating illness and has no other means of support other than his paycheck is one thing. (It would also depend upon how well I knew the person and my knowledge of their financial situation and lifestyle - do they have liquid assets, luxuries they could sell and unnecessary bills (cable TV) they could cut, an expensive car they could trade in for a cheap one, etc. before they ask others for money?)
I don’t think you’re wrong here at all. It’s tacky. And I wouldn’t put people in the uncomfortable position of either feeling obligated to give due to the nature of the friendship, or choosing to refuse and then feeling like a cheapskate, especially if others are giving. The proper thing to do would be to either delay the wedding and keep saving money, or get married cheaply, and then throw a big party when she and her husband-to-be can afford to do so. But perhaps your friend simply lacks an understanding of basic etiquette, and isn’t intentionally doing something distasteful.
I wouldn’t give my unsolicited opinion to the friend (no need to start drama where none exists), I’d just ignore the online petition. If she mentioned your lack of giving (and I doubt she’d be *that *tacky!), I’d simply (1)say that I’m not in a position to help with the wedding, (2)suggest the alternative (waiting until they can save more money), and (3)assure her that I’m happy for her upcoming marriage and that she can certainly expect to receive a gift from me when it does take place.
I’ll one-up you one on the subject, though: A few years ago, one of my friend’s maid of honor - who was her sister - took over the task of sending out the wedding invitations. Along with the invitation, she sent a request to raise money for the bride-to-be’s* honeymoon*!!!::tsktsk:
This is beyond tacky, but I’m not really surprised. A friend from college recently raised enough money on Facebook for a personal trainer.
I’m of the opinion that if you can’t afford to do something, you don’t do it and you save money if you really want it. Other than needs, such as food or healthcare and such, I’m not interested in funding someone else’s lifestyle that I can’t afford myself. That being said, there are surprisingly a lot of people who give to these “causes”. I think it reinforces tackiness, which is unfortunate, but their choice about what to spend their money on. I’d definitely refrain from “donating” and just not say anything about it.
If the friend is asking people in a wedding invitation to pay for the wedding or contacting friends to ask them to pay for the wedding up front, that is tacky. If the person is just posting on a go fund me site asking strangers for money, well, it’s a free country and if someone wants to contribute they will and if they don’t like the idea they won’t.
I agree. As I posted before, I felt obligated to contribute. You’re right; they basically want to have a party and have others pay for it. The way they put it in their post was that they wanted to share their love with their friends and family.
Yes, it’s beyond my imagination that someone who received a contribution for the expense of their wedding would also be expecting wedding gifts from the same people. The contribution is a gift to what seems important to the couple, albeit they can’t afford it, the wedding,
Now that I think of it, this could be the start of a new trend that doesn’t limit itself to only friends and family. Maybe we’ll soon see brides-to-be petitioning florists to donate bouquets, for DJs to offer musical entertainment gratis, for venues to host them for free, for caterers to provide gourmet food at a fraction of their usual price…