Hi I’m new to this board and I think it is really very good. I’ve been fascinated by the comments on veils, jeans and gum chewing. I’d like to add a couple more that I find very annoying. First I was taught that it was disrespectful to God to turn around and look behind you. You never turned your back to the tabernacle just to look at someone. Plus we were never allowed to talk in church. OK I know these are small things but to me it just goes along with showing respect to the Lord in His house. I am looking forward to becoming part of the discussions here. Glad I found you.
Welcome aboard !!!
welcome to the forums!
My mass no-no: parents who bring sippy cups and cheese & cracker snacks for their 5 year olds.
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My mass no-no: parents who bring sippy cups and cheese & cracker snacks for their 5 year olds. >>
First of all, welcome, Suppliant! This is a great board. I’ve learned so much here. Secondly, your post Carol Marie, reminded me of this past Saturday at Mass. There were two very cute little kids, a boy and a girl, probably around 3 and 4 years old who, between the both of them, were playing with the missle, eating something that appeared to be a granola bar, holding or maybe eating candy, having sword fights with some pencils or whatever they had in their hands, just to name a few things. The mom finally tried taking the missle away from the boy and he was pulling the other way. I think at one time he raised it like he was going to hit her with it. At one point the little boy started coughing like crazy and his mom had a Kleenex up to his mouth. I thought he was going to throw up and figured he might have been choking on some of the junk they were allowed to eat during Mass. Someone took him out of church, then the little girl wanted to know where he was going and wasn’t happy that she couldn’t go too. Her dad or whoever was trying to keep her in the pew, while she was pulling away and trying to get out of the pew. When the boy finally came back, wouldn’t you know it, he layed down on his mom’s lap and was quiet for the rest of the Mass – as Mass was just about over.
Another kid behind me, who was probably about 5ish, spent that same Mass talking, albeit whispering, to her mom and her mom was whispering as well. The girl was also softly singing. Softly singing her own song, not one that was being sung during Mass. And it wasn’t when anyone else was singing, either.
There’s this other little kid, about 3ish, whom I see most weeks though I didn’t see him this past weekend. He and his mother are usually there in the front row and he never just sits. He’s always climbing around or on his mom’s lap where he still won’t sit still. I once saw him sitting on his mom’s lap leaning backward, almost doing a backbend over the rail-thing.
Weekend before last, he must have decided that the pews just aren’t for him because he chose to sit in the aisle. Of course, his mom let him sit there for a short time before finally trying to get him to sit in the pew. He refused. She tried whispering to him and I think pulled on his arm. He refused. He finally got up. Then sat back down. Eventually, he got back in the pew.
Almost every Mass there’s something like this going on with at least one family and every week I notice the cry room door open and the chairs are either empty or have maybe one or two parents in them at the most.
Oh, and every week now for about a month and a half, someone’s cell phone rings. Sometimes phones ring several times during Mass.
Our cry room is seldom used either and we have our share of little ones who should use it. There is a family of 10, yes 10, whose little ones are as quiet as mice. Not a peep from them and they are there every day. They must be home schooled because the weekday mass would be when the older ones would be in school. Nice family.
- Holding hands during the Our Father
- People who feel it is necessary when saying the Creed or Our Father to say it one sentence faster than the rest of the congregation. And usually, they sit it front of me. It is just distracting, but I am glad they are saying it.
- Arriving after the procession enters
- Leaving before the procession leaves.
- EM’s wearing jeans
- Cell phones
- Crying babies that should be in the cry room
- Basically, anything that is disruptive to the mass and draws attention away from the ceremony itself
I’m sorry I whisper to my wife when I see one of my CCD kids as my wife likes to know who my kids are.
My no no is parents letting their children bang and kick the plexiglass partition that seperates the crying area in the back of church from the rest of the church. The result is a massive BANG.
5 year olds should be taught better, but I have done this with my 2 year old, although now she’s at the point where she won’t still still for an hour so we go to the nursery (praise God for video feeds!).
I’d say three years old is borderline for expecting a child to quietly sit through Mass. And our nursery only lets children under four stay in the nursery. One of the problems is that parents aren’t training (yes, I used that word!) their children on how to behave anywhere, let alone Mass. A lot of parents today seem to be more concerned with making sure their children always “like” them rather than giving them steadfast guidelines that they can always count on.
This would not have bothered me in the slightest. Mild compared to the others you mentioned.
My opinion? I hate the cry room. Although this parish doesn’t have one we have been to other parishes that did. It seems like the kids only get worse when they are confined in that little box. The screaming, climbing and crawling around are enough to give someone a migraine.
How about someone behind you reprimanding your sixteen year old daughter. This happened to me just a few weeks ago. We all went to church and my daughter brought her boyfriend to mass. During mass my daughter was being silly with her boyfriend. Not letting him put his knees on the kneeler. Well, the man behind us tapped my daughter on the shoulder and asked her if she would just wait 5 more minutes that mass would be over soon. He told her that she was being distracting. I was shocked but realized he was right. I thought to myself maybe God was telling her to stop in his house. I told her she was not allowed to bring her boyfriend to mass with us, let him go with his own family. Since that incident she comes to mass with just the family.
Some of these no-nos (turning around, making a brief comment to your neighbtor) are based on the teachings of sister Eucharsitica, who had the power to slam you over the back or even in the belly with a yardstick in the old days.
Whe I was a young boy there was an old man who lived in the neighborhood who would routinely reprimand if we did something wrong and tell our parents if we really got out ofline. I hated it then but as I grew older I realized that he was taking an active role in the community.
Today, I see too few people willing to do things of that nature possibly due to fear or maybe due to indifference, I don’t really know.
Your 16 year old daughter was not merely fooling around with her boyfriend, She was demonstrating clearly that the Mass was of no real concern or importance to her and showing her disrespect of it. A 16 year old is fully old enough to know exactl;y what the Mass is and how to act while in attendance. Or maybe she was just showing off for her boyfriend and everyone else to show how “cool” she is. In any event someone letting her know that she was wrong, and in this case it apeared very very mild indeed, was not only proper, but something you as a parent should have done. ** **
Quite frankly, the fact that you did nothing, and were shocked that someone else did, would indicate to me that you have a problem, quite possibly larger than your daughter does. I’m glad that you later realized that the stranger was right.
Have you also realized that you were wrong??
Well, as a parent I did tell her to stop and she was showing off in front of her boyfriend. I was annoyed with her behavior from the moment we walked in until this incident happened. I questioned God why do I drag my family to church when I have to be annoyed by their behavior? I had a hard time going up for Communion because I was so upset with her. Later, after I reflected on what had happened I realized that maybe God was answering my prayers. As a parent I have an obligation to bring up my children in the Catholic faith. I cannot give my children a choice as to whether or not they want to attend mass.
What might my problem be???
Have you also realized that you were wrong??
In what way?
I am sorry if this is abrupt, but why did you wait for the man behind you to tell her to stop instead of you telling her to stop?
That is the problem, I did not wait to stop her, she was doing this throughout the whole mass. I was really burning up inside because I would tell my one daughter who was sitting next to me to tell your sister to stop it and she would stop but then she would do another annoying thing. This was why I was getting mad by the minute. Finally, I asked God why do I do this to myself, why bring someone to church if they act like this. Then out of the blue this man behind us told her to stop and she did. So you see I was trying but I was trying to be less noticeable. I don’t want to portray her being totally disruptive, because she wasn’t it was just certain times during the mass. So I guess the man just thought she was disruptive.
Well…I have three kids, who usually behave, but sometimes not. My six yr old was an unholy terror at church last week, despite my attempts at dicipline (which included whispering), and I ended up missing communion and hauling him out early.
I figure we adults are not much different in the eyes of God than our children are to us, since we sin when we know we shouldn’t. Our kids are just a humbling reminder of that. If God can’t control us, how much control are we expected to exert over our own kids? Even they, small as they are, have free will. Sometimes they misbehave, sometimes they are angels. It just depends on the day.
For being part of a religion that seriously encourages its adherents to have a lot of children, a lot of you really need to take it easy on the toddlers, in my opinion.
Yes, parents definitely need to do all they can to keep their kids contained and quiet, but there is a realistic expectation for each age and then there is being really unrealistic about it.
A three year old is rarely going to sit still and be completely quiet for the entire mass.
I have one and he is a very good kid and we are fairly strict parents but inevitably he will make a noise or get restless at times – I wish our church had a quiet room, but unfortunately it doesn’t and no video feed. We only bring him to mass once in a while as we would really like for him to get the blessing but we know that it can be disruptive and we do everything we can, but seriously, I think it is really wrong to harbor so much of the hostility I hear here about this – so much so that you can recite a list of infractions.
We are lucky enough to have grandparents just down the street from us and an option for child care during a small time of the year, but please keep in mind many parents do not have options and have to bring their kids to mass. I only ask that you be a bit more charitable. If the parents are doing all they can then I don’t think it is fair to be so harsh on them.
Exactly. Thank You. You see this was one of those days. Normally I have three well behaved children when we go to mass. Unfortunately, my daughter decided to bring her boyfriend to the 6pm Sunday night mass. I don’t condone her behavior but she works on Sunday and in order for her to meet her obligation we have to now go to the Sunday evening mass. We usually go to the 11:30am mass. I think being tired and having a distraction(her boyfriend) caused this behavior. Because normally we go as a family and this never every happened. Not in the 20yrs attending this church and I always brought my children to mass from infants on.
Well, to all of you that have children that need special attention during the Mass, I am glad you and your children are there.
And maybe those of you that are “Mass cops” should consider that maybe God wants them there in spite of you being disturbed? So take a Chill Pill.
So before you get all huffy, maybe that person that can’t control her two year old, or sixteen year old needs to hear about the love of God and eat His Flesh too? Maybe this is the only time they can get away from the trials and tribulations of life. Maybe your idea of a disruption is actually pretty good for that person at that time. I certainly am glad I am not judged for how I was when I was 40 much less 16 or 4.
The best weekend Mass we have is our Domingo Spanish mass. We have so many dear people that are there that need to hear about the hope of Christ that we can only get at the Mass. And there are so many young children there is not room in our crying room. And I thank God for everyone one of those children, whether they have a minor discipline issue or not. Because they need to be in Church. So if you are offended by gum or jeans or whatever maybe it is YOU who have the problem.
Actually I have no issues with kids at mass as I bring my own nor with jeans since I wear them …GUM though is an issue that BREAKS the fast…so if you want to chomp on it fine but you should not be recieving Communion than…just my 2cents!