I apologize if this is a subject that has been addressed a zillion times. I see that there are two related threads, but mine is very specific and I’m desperate for some answers.
DO ALL MEN MASTURBATE REGULARLY?
I know that there are men who are addicted to porn and/or masturbation (my husband being one of them). I’ve been married for twenty years to a man who has preferred masturbation to me, two or three times a week, which meant that I was “allowed” sex once every other week. As a young bride, I thought that there was something abnormal about me because I wanted sex more often. When I realized what was going on after I had been made to go to bed alone, I was devastated. I spent the first ten years of my marriage begging my husband to want me. After a decade of feeling like the “other” woman (second to his fantasy partners), the pain was too great and for the next ten years, I lived in celibacy (he of course was not missing much because he had himself).
When I became intimate with him again a little over a year ago, the feelings of rejection resurfaced. Why wouldn’t they? Nothing had changed. In fact, within a couple of months, he started having ED, but only with me, not when alone. I think that was the straw that broke the camels back and I found solace in the numbness of opiates. Now, I’m in recovery and I’m once again struggling with the masturbation issue.
I know that masturbation is a sin (and I know that addiction diminishes culpability). What I don’t know is whether it’s a sin that for most men is as common as growing angry or impatient with someone. I have always had a sex drive that would rival any man’s drive. Yet, God has given me great graces over the years. Have those graces been extreme in their abundance and impossibly extreme for a man to receive? Because of the damage that masturbation has done to my heart, it’s been my thought that the majority of loving husbands fell into this sin a time or two a year. However, my sponsor assures me that ALL men masturbate fairly regularly and, as long as it doesn’t interfere with marital relations, a wife is merely acting jealously if she doesn’t accept it.
Are my expectations unreasonable? I have three sons (17, 19, 21). Have I misinformed them?
I appreciate your honesty in answering this question for me. I am greatly burdened by this.