First, please excuse if this is in the wrong place, I’m very new here.
I am currently 15. About 6 months ago I made the horrible decision to masturbate. I didn’t even know what it was at the time. After doing it a few more times, I found out it was a mortal sin. I was sick, worried I wouldn’t make it to heaven. Even with all this worry, temptation would occasionally overcome me and I would do it again. I stopped receiving communion, however, until I could go to confession. Well I’ve been to confession twice, but after each time I would masturbate about a month later. I feel so horrible and guilty after the fact, and pray and pray for God to help me. I’ve even copied posts from this site that help me realise how pointless and damaging masturbation can be, but once I get aroused, I can’t bring myself to read them.
What I’m getting at here is this. I’ve read conflicting messages on whether immaturity “lessens the blow,” so to say, to a venial sin, but I would just like to know if that truly is the case. This won’t, of course, give me any justification to masturbate, but sometimes I just feel as if I cannot overcome temptation. If that happens, I will not recieve communion until I have received confession, as I have been doing, I just want to know what will happen if I suddenly die.
Of My Passion I want you to consider above all, the bitterness I experienced caused by My knowledge of the sins that darken the minds of men and women and lead them to commit aberrations. Most of the time these sins are accepted as the outcome of natural inclinations that, it is said, cannot be opposed as they say, by one’s own will. Today, many live in grave sin, blaming others or fate, without the possibility of getting rid of them. I saw this in Gethsemane and I knew the great evil that My soul would absorb. So many are lost like that and how I suffered for them!
This first thing I would say, is to please calm down, keep praying, going to confession and recieving Holy communion, do not cease those things, also continue seeking help and advice and slowly but surely you will overcome this and advance greatly in virtue, know that this can be beaten! and don’t be too harsh on yourself if you fall, but rather get up and embark with courage again upon the path of virtue.
I hope you don’t mind if I share with you all some things that have helped me greatly.
(On a side note, I would also recommend getting a scapular if you have not already got one, Mary offers protection against great temptations among many other things through it, I have the crusaders brown scapular from here - freebrownscapular.com/order_page.html)
Motivational Tips to Help You Quit -
Keep the following 3 Ds in mind when you have a craving
Delay: remember that the worst cravings last for only a few minutes and will become even less frequent the longer you have quit.
Deep breath: this should help you relax and focus your mind on something else.
Do something else: you could listen to music or pray (prayer is usually the best). Try to find something that keeps your mind busy and distracted and focus on it, don’t let your thoughts to go into temptation, when tempted, do not give the temptation any attention, instead give it your back.
1) A slip up doesn’t mean you’ve failed. What’s important is to work out how you can stop a slip up from happening next time.
2) Don’t say “this is my last time” say “I’m not going to give in today” and take one day at a time.
**3) **Each craving only lasts a few minutes. Say to yourself “Don’t let this be the day that I blow it.”
**4) **Once you have quit for a while, the desires to give in will be much less intense and frequent.
**5) **It’s important that it’s your decision to quit. That you want to quit and that you feel confident you can succeed.
**6) **Be clear about your reason to quit. It will motivate you to keep going.
**7) **The most dangerous thought you can have is. I will just give in this one time.
**8) **You may feel as if you have just lost a friend, but really you have just lost your worst enemy.
**9) **Remember the sooner you quit. The sooner you will reap the benefits.
**10) **The more times you try to quit. The better you will get at it until you quit for good.
**11) Immediately get rid of any provocative magazines/images etc anything that reminds you of giving in (Otherwise It’s like those who say “I’m going on a diet” yet fill their cupboard with junk food, it isn’t going to work, you can’t rely on will power when it comes to these things, you need to set your environment up so that it pulls for your success).
**12) **Practise saying to yourself “No thanks, I’m chaste/pure”
**13) **Avoid challenging occasions.
**14) **If you are feeling tense doing some exercise will help.
**15) **The most common quitting method for most people is to stop suddenly Go cold turkey.
**16) **When you quit you might feel some different withdrawal symptoms This is because your body is re-adjusting to being without, don’t worry, it will pass.
17) Never give up giving up.
When it comes to such desires, I believe they are addictive in nature much the same as things like smoking are, so if you view it as an addiction like smoking, I believe there are dozens of very, very affective resources out there to help you quit. Remember the worst cravings only last a few minutes and they become less intense and frequent the longer you have quit.
Remember to simply take one day at a time and tell yourself “don’t let this be the day that you blow it.”
Also on a side note, don’t fear you will lose your sex drive, I believe that’s like thinking an alcoholic can be cured this is why motivational tip number 7 is "The most dangerous thought you can have is. I will just give in this one time."
I just want to know what will happen if I suddenly die.
Not one person on this forum or in the world can answer this question. God is the only one who knows our souls.
Controling Masturbation comes with maturity IMO. You are young, on a journey like all of us.
Jesus fell three times carrying His cross to Calvary, The first to show sinners who are use to sinning that they can convert and have the strength even though they have fallen into sin. The second for those souls who fail because they are frail or those souls who are blinded by sadness and restlessness that they can get up and embark with courage upon the path of virtue and the third for those souls who depart from sin at the hour of death.
“The sinner who feels within himself a total deprivation of all that is holy, pure, and solemn because of sin, the sinner who in his own eyes is in utter darkness, severed from the hope of salvation, from the light of life, and from the communion of saints, is himself the friend whom Jesus invited to dinner, the one who was asked to come out from behind the hedges, the one asked to be a partner in His wedding and an heir to God… Whoever is poor, hungry, sinful, fallen or ignorant is the guest of Christ.” — Matthew the Poor
Diary of St Faustina -
“My daughter, know that My Heart is mercy itself. From this sea of mercy, graces flow out upon the whole world. No soul that has approached Me has ever gone away unconsoled. All misery gets buried in the depths of My mercy, and every saving and sanctifying grace flows from this fountain…”** (Diary, 1777).
"Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My mercy. Oh, how much I am hurt by a soul’s distrust! Such a soul professes that I am Holy and Just, but does not believe that I am Mercy and does not trust in My Goodness. Even the devils glorify My Justice but do not believe in My Goodness" (Diary, 300).
"My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed myself to be nailed to the cross; for you I let my Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy" (Diary, 1485).
Oh, if sinners knew My mercy, they would not perish in such great numbers. Tell sinful souls not to be afraid to approach Me; speak to them of My great mercy" (Diary, 1396).
I think that when it is said that immaturity lessen culpability for maturbation, they are talking about young people who do not realize what they are doing and why it is wrong. This sounds like you in the begining, but now that you are older and are aware of what mastubation is and why it is harmful to you, you probably no longer have that lessened culpability. Something you can do that might help you is that when you feel temptation, say a prayer for your future spouse. That might help to remind you of why it is important to respect our own bodies. If you slip up, however, remember that is what confession is for. Once you’ve recieved absolution, there’s no point in beating yourself up over it.
I would urge you to avoid making a habit of it, as that will make it harder to stop.
Speak to your confessor for advice about temptation. Temptations are not sins, but he should be able to help you.
It’s important that you do not merely try to resist by force of will; that will be fairly difficult. Redirect your mind to something else. If you can, go somewhere else and do something else. (Talk to someone, if possible, about anything. If you are around other people, it will be more difficult to act.) I would suggest praying the rosary daily, as well.
Come up with a plan ahead of time; vow that you will (say) pray to Mary when you are tempted, with the intention to be delivered from sin. That way you may pray without having to dwell on particular temptations.
I fully understand your battle. As a recovering addict, I have come closer to Christ than I ever thought possible. I have also learned a lot about myself and this battle. (I also have written a book “From One Addict to Another” about my personal battle and recovery)
With your struggle in the continuing masturbation you need to be honest with yourself and ask are you merely doing the physical act or are you engaging in fantasies or looking at porn while acting out? Both are a choice to exclusively indulge in a selfish act that only serves you and that in and of itself is a sin. If you add in the fantasy or porn aspect, then you are now also objectifying another human being - an added aspect to the sin. (I’m saying this not to pile on the guilt, but to educate you and help you be clear with yourself as to what you are actually doing).
The fantasy and porn choice likely points to an additional problem with regards to personal and emotional needs that are either not being met or are being met in a non loving or Godly way as well as pure lack on understanding of God’s true love and intent for sexuality. Direction of what to do about this is way too long for this forum post.
Additionally, it is important to understand that the mere act of masturbation or any sexual act creates a chemical flood in the brain of Oxytocin, Adrenaline/ Epinephrine, Phenylethylamine, Dopamine, Serotonin, Prolactin, Testosterone and other endorphins. These naturally produced chemicals themselves are addictive so much so that brain scan studies and experts in the field have proven that the flood of chemicals from a sexual act is as addictive as heroin. Thus making it an emotional and chemical addition - hence the massive porn addiction problem in our society.
It is important especially now, at the beginning of this behavior and young age to immerse yourself in prayer, surrendering this desire to Christ and educating yourself on Gods plan for true sexuality (great stuff out there by Christopher West), and looking inside at the real emotional aspect of your “pull” to repeat the act and understanding that you are truly in a desire to “escape” and looking at what you are escaping.
you can also check out a website called. roadtopurity.com
Bishop Sheen wrote (paraphrasing) that the farther he was from Christ, the more difficult celibacy was for him. That has been my experience with giving up this awful habit.
The more I pray, go to Mass multiple times a week, the more I love God, the easier it is. The farther I am from Our Lord, the more difficult it is. Remember, All things are possible through Christ. It takes 8 weeks to break a habit, they say. I promise it is possible to give it up. When you are temped, remember God gave you a rational soul. Unlike an animal, we can control our actions.
I like your reply .
Sometimes we do things w out the knowledge
That we are doing .as in masterbating
Sometimes we are so sleepy and we are in a deep
Sleep and we dream and then it happens.
I was scolded by a lot of people it is a sin .but in away
I think it might be natural as well as in the gland in out private
It is up to God to judge you, not me.
After each act, ask forgiveness from God and tell Jesus you love Him.
Pray as much as you can to feel the peace of God, whci is better than any human pleasure.
Put yourself in God’s hands: if you die it is because He wants to so you are in His Hands. He is the compassion in Person as you want to overcome the problem and do not want to offend Him.
And do not let stress and anxiety overpower you as it will make matters worse.
This is not the place to be posting such matters. Do you know any of the people on here? They purport to be very holy but they could be anyone.
As someone who has entered this downward spiral of habit and self-loathing and can’t get out, I urge you not to post your addiction in here. You might not like the answers you get, and some will make you feel like a vile pervert and you’ll end up hating yourself. According to the Church, the pair of us are going to Hell. You’ll not change people’s minds about that and it is pointless trying. It is no use using the immaturity card either.
Sorry to be negative, but this really ISN’T the place to be posting private concerns such as this.
I don’t know if your a Catholic as your post does not state, but it is DEFINITELY Not Catholic teaching, if your not a Catholic please don’t advise, if you are a Catholic, look up the Catholic Catechism to find out what the Church’s teaching is on this and everything else.
Actually it is true. It is perfectly natural act. Left to our own devices, we will all end up doing it.
The thing is, as Catholics, we are called to rise above our nature, by seeking everlasting union with God and forsaking lust and short-term pleasure.
It is because it is natural that it is so difficult to overcome. But that doesn’t mean we’re not supposed to try.
All God asks is that we make the (genuine) effort to do so, and if we fail, that we ask forgiveness, and pray for a true conversion of the heart which is the only way to overcome sin on any lasting basis.