Before I start I’m just gonna tell you this will be a long boring story, but I’m trying to get something from you guys to help.
I started masturbating when I was like 11, I had no clue what it was, and I never heard of it. And one day in church waiting to go to confession I was reading a ‘how to make a confession guide,’ (just to entertain myself) and I read masturbation. Didn’t find out what it was till a few months later. I’ve known ever since then it was mortal. When I was a kid I masturbated everyday just because it felt like the greatest thing ever. And after 2 years I decided I seriously want to stop and I care about mortal sin affecting my soul. Now I’ve been doing it a looong time now and I am no where near good. I’ve gotten into pornography, and its not as bad as my urge to masturbate but it is still bad. I’ve been searching online everywhere ‘how to stop masturbating’ and all related titles. I know its NATURAL for teenagers but I seriously want to stop. I know it is a serious sin and offense against God, I’ve read visions of Hell and other things from saints to put the fear of eternal damnation in me and it does no good. It doesn’t scare me honestly. I’ve tried to think of greater evils like murders and rape and other terrible sins and how they are all equal and mortal and I am supporting the same evil I swore against in my baptismal vows. I can go on for at least 2-4 days then I give in, then I’d look at porn or something. I’ve been praying Hail Marys, Rosaries, Divine Mercy Chaplet, Memorae, St Michael and every other prayer out of the book and I even searched long non catholic prayers or something online and I’m at no where. I go to confession like every week and I ask Dominic Savio and Mary to help me against my lust. Then I had a girlfriend for sometime and I had no desire or urge to masturbate because I truly thought that I loved her and I had a true relationship with her. Well it wasn’t true and whatever that feeling was that kept me from doing it I guess was stronger than my love for God. I broke up with her within a week because she admitted she would cheat on me. Then I received confirmation, I prayed for all the graces I would need against lust and to have strength. I felt strong and felt truly different until 5 days later I ended up masturbating again…!!
And so now I feel like I’m not getting anywhere and I almost do not care anymore at all.
I’ll be 15 next month and Ive been fighting this thing since I was like 12 and I think it has honestly dominated my life. I’m not social, I don’t have friends or get along with my family, I’m trying to get a summer job make my self do something productive. I guess you can say my love for God isn’t as strong or serious enough to make me stop but I seriously don’t know what to do. My parents just scorn me they’re no help they don’t understand I honestly don’t care though. I talk to my priest about it he just tells me to pray and run away from it preoccupy my self.
Guys, I’ve tried almost everything I can I swear to you I put a lot of searching and prayer and effort and it has had no effect on me whatsoever. I want to be pure. I want to get rid of this habit. I don’t want clinical care I don’t want therapy or any of that, I’d hope that prayer would be better than garbage like that. Please and ideas or tips or something anything. I finally decided to ask this question on a serious catholic website to dawdle with. This is my last attempt I’m done trying to fight my body. I know I shouldn’t give up, I’ve always known all things are possible in Christ. But I cannot do it.