I’m a 14 boy, love God, am going to be confirmed in a few months, and want to follow His Word, but I can’t stop masturbating and looking at impure images. So, about a month ago, I went to confession, through my Catholic school, and confessed my sins of this nature. Also, I confessed how I received the Eucharist while not in a state of grace. Then, a few weeks later I masturbated again. My self-esteem and confidence and joy of not being in a state of mortal sin just all went away. I feel like I’m kind of useless to God. What’s even worse is that I’m receiving Communion during this time, and I don’t know that I’ll be going to confession anytime soon. I wish I could, but I can’t. The only time I really go to confession is when my school gives me the opportunity. Now, don’t get me wrong, I want to go to confession or stop receiving the Eucharist, but I can’t. I go to a Catholic school and there would be a lot I would have to answer from my peers and teachers because we do go to Mass every Tuesday and I receive the Eucharist there. Also, I have to receive the Eucharist during Mass on Sundays or else my parents and my brother would force me to tell them about my sin, and I would get into so much trouble. And now, I don’t what to do. I’ve tried asking my parents to go as a family to confession, but the answers comes out as, “We’ll try some other time,” or “Why do you need to go?” I’m so frustrated! I will force my parents to take me before my confession, though, assuming I haven’t already gone yet. Yet, this is nagging me so much and I want it to stop. Also, I can’t stop masturbating because after I do it once and am in a state of mortal sin, I fond no reason to stop. I want to find true happiness. I just don’t know what to do.
Trust me when I say I’ve known the difficulty of getting to confession because you can’t drive yourself.
First of all, even though you aren’t in a state of grace, you should still stop looking at impure images and acting on your desires. You’re only giving this sin more power and it will make it harder to break. Whenever you feel the desire to look up images like this, do something else that’s really time-consuming and occupies your mind, like reading a book, doing a puzzle, playing a video game, etc. Pray to God for the willpower to overcome this.
As for receiving the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin, you should also stop doing that. Try deliberately eating something right before Mass so you can’t take the Eucharist (because you’d be breaking the Eucharistic fast), or sneaking back to your pew while your family is in line to take the Eucharist. Keeping the sacraments holy should be at the top of your priority list, and you should do everything you can not to commit sacrilege.
Try telling your family that you want to go to confession because your confirmation is coming up, or say that you want to go because you feel guilty about some other sin you’ve been doing a lot (i.e. gossiping, swearing). If you’re allowed to go out with friends on weekends, try asking if you can go over to their house, and stop off at church to confess before going to your friend’s.
Also remember that God loves you no matter what, and that He appreciates that you feel guilty for your sins and are trying to do what’s right.
You can overcome this! You’ll be in my prayers. :console:
I’m not Catholic and new to the forum so I hope I’m not out of line but isn’t masturbation (especially at your age) very normal? If you talk to any psychologist or Doctor they would simply tell you that the reason you’re doing that is because your hormones are going crazy. As for your feelings that your family would be angry at you, well, I’m somewhat surprised!
There’s nothing wrong with you, you are a perfectly normal teenager and I feel awful that you would think you are less than that; or that God would judge you because of it. Too, frustration over not being able to talk about this for fear of judgment by family (who are the very ones that are supposed to be most supportive) is probably making the problem worse because you’re trying so hard ‘not’ to do it. Truth be told I don’t think there’s too many people who have not struggled with masturbation at one time or another, but, there are so few that will admit it.
You can’t think like this! If I hit you in the face and knocked out one of your teeth would you want me to hit you again and knock out another and then hit you again and knock out another? Do not add sin to sin.
I want to find true happiness. I just don’t know what to do.
Is watching porn and masturbating making you happy? Doesn’t sound like it.
Whenever you get an impure thought banish it immediately like you would a hot spark from a fire. Pray the Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet, also pray three Hail Mary’s in the morning and three in the evening in honor if the purity of the Blessed Virgin.
I struggled with this sin myself for several years, and certainly while I was 14.
I say this with great conviction and tenderness for my fellow striving Christian: Believe in the power of God. Believe in the power of the cross of Jesus Christ.
From my wrestling with this, and eventual liberation thanks to God, I have learned these points that I want to give you:
-Do not make a bigger deal of this than you need to. Don’t get me wrong, it is certainly a sin, and you should not receive the Eucharist after committing it. However, probably the biggest mistake I made was to wallow in guilt. Be confident in God’s mercy, and as soon as possible, psychologically start over, put it behind yourself and renew your commitment to avoiding it - don’t wait until confession to do this! Who wins the race - the runner who, no matter how many times he stumbles, rises and continues as if it never happened, or the one who stumbles once and lies down on the track?
Eliminate all forms of temptation. The proper response to temptation is not to fight it, it’s to run for your life!! Take note of what things tempt you, whether it’s alone time with the computer, reading certain things, seeing certain images, or even having prolonged privacy. Whatever it is, eliminate it as much as possible. No temptation, no sin!
Pour grace into your life. The best way to shove sin out of your life is to drown your life in holiness. Read the Bible, listen to sacred music, watch youtube videos of great Catholic speakers, etc. Find what speaks to your soul. Sanctify your free time, your habits, and most importantly, your imagination. Fasting will also be a great way to develop control over your urges. It can be very little things “I’ll skip the salt on my potatoes”,“I won’t play that game as long as I’d like to”, “I’ll do all my homework before I do recreational things”. These tiny little sacrifices, when offered up to God, can move mountains.
Never give up hope. The saints show us that even those entrenched in sin can become amazing witnesses to the power of God.
Lastly, I would second the previous comments about doing all that you can to receive confession. I totally understand the pressure, the fear, the constraint. But this is about your soul, which is more precious than life itself! Take courage in God - He is on your side.
Prayers for you!
Why not just cross your arms when you come up to receive? If you can, get in line at the end of your family. If your parents ask you why you didn’t receive, simply say I didn’t feel I was prepared to receive Our Lord and leave it at that.
You cannot receive the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin. Period. You shouldn’t have to answer to anyone except God for not receiving the Eucharist. If your teachers are criticizing you for not receiving the Eucharist because you are in a state of mortal sin, then you need to talk to your principal.
What kind of parent or sibling would force you to tell them about your sin? You sin is between you, God, and the priest in the confessional. No one else. Do not wait for a family confession. If there are confessions being held before Mass, then go. God’s grace is not dependent on the opinion of a family member.
You may already be in a state of mortal sin, but you want God’s forgiveness, don’t you? Well, how is God supposed to forgive you when you don’t show repentance after you sin? Plus, even if you do repent, think of the punishment that comes with mortal sin. Even if you receive absolution, you spend a LONG time in purgatory to be purified of that sin. Purgatory is awful, and the worst suffering you can imagine. You want your time in purgatory to be short, don’t you? In a revalation to St. Faustina, Jesus said that for each mortal sin, you spend 7 more years in purgatory. However, purgatory time goes slower than earth time, so 7 years in purgatory is about the equivalent of 31,200 years in earth time. :eek:
Read more about purgatory in this link:
The more you obsess about this kind of thing, the worse it’s gonna get. You should understand that God is Everywhere, and in Everything. You can’t hide your sins from Him, and it’s foolish to try. Accept that you have weaknesses, and even in the giving into them, He understand that ~sometimes~, as long as you aren’t hurting other people with them, and only yourself, He is Still With you.
To many people think this kind of sinning is what leads to abusing others, when it’s generally ~repressing~ natural instincts, stuffing feelings down until they ~explode!~ that do.
I accept my weaknesses, and even in shame, never hide them from my God.
Practice makes Perfect.
You are a good guy or you would not be here, okay? I felt remorse over this and I was not even Catholic at the time. Panic and shame will not help, calm will.
Take things a day at a time, or an hour at a time if need be. I have several suggestions that might help.
- Do you have a Rosary? If so, praying that WILL help.
- Follow the suggestions given here to avoid communion and questions that come with you refraining from it.
- Next time you go to confession, tell your Priest about this struggle including the pressure you are under to take communion.
- Try some diversion. Come up with some ideas for things you can do to avoid things that are going to inflame you. If you stay out of the kitchen, you reduce the chance of putting your hand on the hot stove, am I right?
- Read about Saint Michael and his prayers for protection.
- Find stories about people who were able to overcome this situation and see what works best for you.
- Is there a sport you might like to try? Tell your parents you are having impure thoughts about whoever it was and if they are good Catholics you’ll have a brand new pair of inline skates faster than you eat a Milky Way candy bar!
- Give yourself a break!
- Finally, talk with God. Ask him to remove this temptation, then listen!
PS: You will grow out of this, the temptation to do this dissolves with maturity. PROVIDING that you stay away from the adult erotic stuff. Believe it or not, that is like a visual illegal harmful drug that if used enough causes verifiable damage. Not worth it, stay away from it completely ok?
I think is was St. Augustine (don’t recall who exactly) who said, “in this fight the coward gains the victory” or something to that effect. I’ll have to find the quote.
I’ve now set myself out to stop. I installed a blocker on my laptop, and, thanks to your guys’ belief in me, I’m going to start my (pre)-Lenten resolution that’s going to last me the rest of my life. I really do want to stop, and I WILL stop.
I do have a few questions, though. Firstly, will committing a mortal sin really make me spend seven years in purgatory? I mean honestly, I always thought there were no numbers or how many sins or what that decides how long you’re in there, or whether or not you go to heaven. I always thought God would work on each soul on a “case-to-case” basis. How would anyone even know how long you spend. Isn’t that God’s decision? Also, can you guys pray for the strength to not receive the Eucharist during a school Mass tomorrow, because it’s really my peers that I’m afraid of, not so much my teachers. I also think that that end of the line in my family thing will really work. That’s a great idea!
first of all maybe im not understanding you, or you are not understanding, Mortal sin leads to Hell, not to purgatory. and yes, about purgatory every bad action adds time as good ones take time (If im not istaken), but yes, God does take our case separately, so i dont think there is a way to say, this sin gives you this many years.
third, do you know that it is totally forbidden for a priest to reveal what is said in the confessionary, to the point that he can’t tell the police about a murder? so why do you think your parents have the authority to hear about your sins? tell this to the priest in your parish, i think he will be able to help you.
on other note, have they actually asked you what your sin was? or is just an “I imagine they’ll do”?
secondly just dont go to receive the comunion, you are commiting sacrilegy by doing so.
I went to Catholic high school and know the situation you’re in. I received communion when I shouldn’t have in those days but am slightly wiser now and would never do such a thing anymore. My suggestion is to go to confession as soon as you’re in mortal sin. That way you can be back in God’s graces as soon as possible and never have to worry about not being able to receive Holy Communion. Also, you will find it is not a good thing at all to be without God’s graces for long periods of time (like, longer than two weeks!). I’m in my 20s and drive and even I admit finding a place to confess sometimes isn’t easy. Do what you have to; look at different nearby parishs’ websites for confession times and take the bus if nessisary! Your own parish on Sundays likely offers it before mass. If you are in mortal sin, DO NOT receive communion! You know, at the end of the mass the priest asks God to accept the sacrafice which is the mass as acceptable, so everyone receiving communion should be in a state of grace. If you cannot receive communion you’ll need not worry about having to share anything with your teachers and peers; in fact you’re far better off not adding another mortal sin to the list by receiving communion while not in a state of grace. You would also be showing others what they should be doing if they are in your sitatuion; by crossing your arms for a blessing instead of receiving communion. By the way, your sins are not an open book for everyone to read! It’s between you, God, and ultimately the priest you confess to.
Long story short, go to confession often!
I went to Catholic high school and know the situation you’re in. I received communion when I shouldn’t have in those days but am slightly wiser now and would never do such a thing anymore. My suggestion is to go to confession as soon as you’re in mortal sin. That way you can be back in God’s graces as soon as possible and never have to worry about not being able to receive Holy Communion. Also, you will find it is not a good thing at all to be without God’s graces for long periods of time (like, longer than two weeks!). I’m in my 20s and drive and even I admit finding a place to confess sometimes isn’t easy. Do what you have to; look at different nearby parishs’ websites for confession times and take the bus if nessisary! Your own parish on Sundays likely offers it before mass. If you are in mortal sin, DO NOT receive communion! You know, at the end of the mass the priest asks God to accept the sacrafice which is the mass as acceptable, so everyone receiving communion should be in a state of grace. If you cannot receive communion you’ll need not worry about having to share anything with your teachers and peers; in fact you’re far better off not adding another mortal sin to the list by receiving communion while not in a state of grace. You would also be showing others what they should be doing if they are in your sitatuion; by crossing your arms for a blessing instead of receiving communion. By the way, your sins are not an open book for everyone to read! It’s between you, the confessor, and ultimately God.
Long story short, go to confession often!
hey, I’m about your same age, I will be getting confirmed soon also. I use to struggle with masturbation for two and a half years. I then went to confession and I have not masturbated in one year and one month. Remember with God’s grace it is possible to stop. God loves you unconditionally, also remember that. Every time you are about to do it think of Jesus on the cross. I know that since God was able to take me out of masturbation, he can take you out of this sin also. I have been where you are and I know it is hard. My heart goes out to you. Read your Bible, and pray your rosary. They are both weapons that can beat the devil. Give this struggle as an offering to God. Good job for going to confession, that takes a lot of courage.
Please see the following threads for additional insight and advice:
*] List of Catholic Websites for Battling Impurity
*] Specific Questions About an Old Topic: Masturbation