Matron of Honor for friend's wedding but


#1

I think they might have just moved in together. It saddens me that my friend might have done this when I know she has been a very conservative Catholic her whole life and pretty devout. I know she was at one time very concerned about modesty.

She got engaged to a young man whom I have not yet met, but it was a very quick engagement (aka dated for 6 weeks or so), and they planned the wedding for mid-June (aka they will be engaged for less than 6 months easily). He is not Catholic, but supposedly plans to go through RCIA in September and is supportive of her faith. He has met with her very conservative priest from childhood as well as her current priest in the town she is living in.

My question is, if in fact I find out they are living together, is it wrong for me to stand up as “witness” to their sacrament as matron of honor?? I was asked a few weeks after she got engaged to be her matron of honor and I accepted (with some trepidation). I did mention to her I was worried about their haste, but that I hoped she had talked over with him all the morals and ideals she had about marriage especially as a sacrament. I felt like I could accept since they were doing marriage prep with a priest and it will be recognized by the Church (they are actually doing the wedding at her parish).

But if they are living together that makes things a little tougher for me in some ways… Am I wrong to be in her wedding if this is the case? Or is that for the priest to decide if they are making a “full consent” and “coming freely”…:shrug:

Thanks!


#2

I would consider it in light of whether or not your participation in the wedding would contribute to scandal which, hopefully, can be avoided.


#3

I would think that if the priest is still willing to marry them, then you should still be willing to be her Matron of Honor.


#4

Have a talk with your friend, tell her how you are feeling. But unless you are having true reservations about the relationship in general, I don't know how much I would make an issue of the living relationships this close to the wedding itself.


#5

If your having any questions about their relationship and your feelings then speak up. Your job is not to stand there and look pretty it is to be a witness for the church. Yes they may do marriage prep but the priest isn’t going to know everything about the couple. That is why their are witnesses.

Take it from me. I was a Maid of Honor for a good friend. They got married and then 5 months later he left her. They have now gone through the divorce and are working on an annulment. Had I and the best man done our jobs then maybe we could have saved them both a lot of heartache.


#6

Does the priest know they are living together? I agree with what the other person said about speaking to your friend about this.


#7

My dh and I were living together prior to marriage. We also did not start as heavily involved in the Church or as Faithful as we are now. The best I think is to tell her what you think but that you will still support her and pray for the Sacrament.The funny thing that most did not know because they did not bother to ask but once we had some teachings with the Deacon and talked about it we did stay chaste for a long portion of time before the wedding. The only people from the Church that actually knew we were living together other than the priest and deacon were my in-laws and it really would not be a scandal had they not gossipped. But that is another story.


#8

Footprints04, are you more concerned about the haste to which they approaching the altar, or genuinely worried about the ‘scandal’ of them living together? I’ll assume that the ‘living together’ is what is keeping you up at night.

Don’t jump to conclusions. Two people can live together without having sex, and if your friend is getting married within 6 months of the engagement I don’t see why they wouldn’t wait anyway. There could be any number of good reasons as to why they’ve moved in together that are certainly non-sexual; a good place came up to rent, the parentals are being annoying, need to be closer to work or uni, and so forth. Anyway, being that you are the Matron of Honour (there is a ‘u’ in that word), then you have more on your plate to worry about, i.e. helping to plan wedding.


#9

Their living together before the wedding in no way invalidates the wedding ceremony. If anything, since you probably couldn’t convince her to not live with him, helping out with the wedding would be helping stop the sin sooner. It’s better to be married than just living together so why not make the getting married bit easier for her? And, just because they’re living together doesn’t mean they’re having sex, that’s presumption on your part.


#10

For me, being a matron of honor means putting my stamp of approval on the couple and the relationship. And issues such as cohabitation and an extremely short courtship are much bigger issues than the details of planning the wedding. God cares about souls, not the color of flowers.


#11

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.