Maybe pregnant?


#1

Hi everyone…it’s been a while since I have posted…the busy christmas season and all…but know I have a situation.

As you know, I’m married. I’m fairly open to life. I’ve always thought that if I get pregnant, I’ll be happy…but now I don’t know.

Here’s the deal. I’ve been on birth control for a few months (for medical reasons ie hormonal imbalance) and have been doing an awful job at trying to remember when to take them and I often forget all together. My husband and I have been abstaining quite a bit because I was worried about the effect of the B/C if I did get pregnant. That has since been cleared up. Well, I might be pregnant now and my once former self has been replaced by doubt. I’m wondering if this is normal.

Where I used to say that if I got pregnant, I’d be ready, I’d do what I have to do…I know am thinking that we’ll be poor (er than now), I won’t be a good mother, I’m being selfish because I want to finish school, my husband will have to take a second job, I’ll have to take a second job, I won’t have enough time/money/energy to be a mother…I’m just scared.

When I was a child, until I was four, I raised myself and my little sister because my parents were deadbeats and drug addicts. I’m afraid I’ll be just like them, or I will turn out to be my adopted mother, a controlling, manipulative mother.

Part of me is happy (i don’t know if I am yet or not…since I’d only be about 2 weeks if so), but part of me is so incredibly terrified…not only for myself, but for my husband and possible child, and my family and his family who have put so much faith in me to achieve my goals in school and get a good career. I feel I’d be letting them down too.

sorry about the vent…do any of you have any advice?


#2

Congratulations. Embrace all God has to offer for he will provide.


#3

My advice is to be happy!

There are no real expenses for a child except perhaps diapers. Friends and family can hopefully provide car seat, stroller, blankets and some clothes and toys. Don’r get caught in buying all the baby accessories. Some might be convenient, but certainly not necessary.

You can always go back to school at a later time. Just think of the new life you can enjoy and teach.

I know I was shocked, surprised and worried about having a child when we found out we were expecting. And we were trying to get pregnant! But reality sets in and after reflection (and prayer) your learn that you have many happy memories to look forward to.

In case you are not pregnant, I would consider finding another doctor that can give you alternate treatments to contraceptives. It will make your life easier in the long run.

God Bless!


#4

First, go see your doctor to be sure before you get all worked up…you might not be pregnant.

But if you are, congratulations!
The story of a friend of mine popped into my head…she and her husband decided they would like to start their family within the following year, so they stopped trying to avoid pregnancy, but weren’t really actively trying to conceive…
Well, about a month later, she calls me in the same predicament you are in now! Scared, and asking me ‘what have we done?’…
The idea quickly grew on her, and today she is the proud, happy, loving mother of a nearly 3 year old little girl.
They don’t have much money, but everything always comes together…she’s finishing her master’s degree (which she started when her daughter was about 1)…and they’re a happy little family.
So, no worries, ok?
We all fear becoming our mothers…being aware of their faults is half the battle…then you can have faults of your own for your kids to complain about later too…right?! :slight_smile:
Keep us posted!


#5

My advice is: Don’t worry about your past, you can’t change that, just think about how you can make the present happy and healthy for you and your baby.

God gave mothers instincts on how to raise children. Most of attachment parenting latches on to these instincts. Use them. Read Dr. Sears books.

Babies aren’t that expensive, especially if you breastfeed and use infant toilet training, the way most of the world does. Check out the book by Laurie Boucke, Infant Potty Training. I am doing this right now with my three-week-old infant, and it DOES work!

God did not mean for babies to be burdensome, expensive, and fear-causing. Get a sling. Use your instincts. I am thankful to live in a society that I can read material and get advice that supports my instincts as a mother, instead of the negative influences I had as a baby and child. This is a blessing to you, as well.

God Bless You. I wish you the best. There is often worry in the beginning of a pregnancy, but when you hold that tiny newborn in your arms, all the doubt will fade away.


#6

God Bless you, and if you are pregnant, Congratulations!

I know the feeling of doubting your ability to … (insert any task here)… Remind yourself that you are not your parents. Their faults are not your faults. Sure, you have some faults, and sure you will make mistakes in your life and as a parent. Everyone does. You already know what mistakes your parents made and can consciously try not to make them yourself. So many parents put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect so we don’t screw up our kids that we scare oursleves to death! Like everyone else is saying, trust in God - He can provide for all your needs, and those of your children! They will survive your mistakes. You can make mistakes and still be good parent. And if you’re a little selfish about wanting to finish your education, pray for patience and your perspective may change in a few months or so. If He has decided to bless you with a baby, then it MUST be a good thing for you and the baby! But if you have psychological issues that make you think you are very likely to make some of the mistakes your parents did, then find a counselor to talk to about this. You have 9 months before the baby is even born!

God Bless, and Merry Christmas!


#7

[quote=Rascal]There are no real expenses for a child except perhaps diapers…
[/quote]

Totally and completely false!! But…that doesn’t mean you need to panic. Find out what the news is. If you are pregnant, take a deep breath and try not to let your fear and some real life concerns overwhelm you. And please don’t spend a minute torturing yourself by projecting worries or false disappointments onto your extended family. What kind of people would greet such happy news from a married couple with a lecture about what you should have done first?

The absolute best thing to do is take this opportunity to develop a relationship with our Holy Mother Mary. She will replace the fear and anxiety in your heart with peace, acceptance and love for this child. Sometimes you learn in looking back that your children truly are gifts given by God not when you choose them, but when you need them–and you humbly recognize that even you don’t know your own needs much less can you fulfill them like God can.

I was filled with the same anxiety (and I’m ashamed to admit even some resentment) that you describe when I found out I was expecting my third child. To make a long story short…he is the light of my life. I adore my girls, but my life would be less than it is were he not here with us. And I rarely let an opportunity to go by to thank God for knowing and loving me enough to send him to us.


#8

Life Changes DO cause worry and concern. Children cause one’s life to change dramatically. If you were not worried or concerned I would wonder if you knew how serious parenthood is.
I can tell you parenthood has brought more meaning to my life than anything in this world.


#9

Sarcophargus,
I sent you a private message in relation to your possible pregnancy.

Rhonda


#10

you will do great, remember, nowdays you have 20-40 years of productive living after kids leave home, and plenty of time to finish school and start a career (or 2 or 3) if God says its mommy time, well it’s mommy time. enjoy that giddy feeling, still remember the day I found out for sure, 20 good reasons not to have a baby, no rational reason to be happy about it, but walking on a cloud.

a while back you were talking about going to your first Mass, then you got sick, hope you are better, how did that go?


#11

You don’t sound selfish. You sound like a strong person who is willing to work hard and be giving.


#12

If you are, it is a gift. With God, anything is possible.

If there is one thing I know for certain, my children make me a better person–especially dealing with the difficulties.

When I give it up and die to self, I am never more alive.

I will pray for you.:gopray:


#13

I think your fears are normal, and I think you’d be having them no matter WHEN you got pregnant.

You can have an MBA, a PhD, and a McMansion, and that won’t change the fact that your parents sucked.

Sure, it’s nice to have money. But, it doesn’t actually solve root problems.

The fact is, you’ve got a husband and you, yourself, seem like a pretty smart cookie. You will all be fine.

You don’t have to go to a doctor to find out if you’re pregnant. They use the same test you can buy in the drug store. “First Response” brand says that you can tell if you’re pregnant even BEFORE your period is due. Go buy one and take it… if it says “negative” you probably are not negative. Buy a two-pack, just in case. If you get a “negative” and your period does not come in three or four days, take it again (I’m assuming you’re at your due date now). It should be able to give you a clear response by that point.

If your period does not come in a couple of weeks, go to the doctor because there may be some other reason you haven’t menstruated.


#14

hi,I wanted to say congratulations. I believe that youve already far surpassed the people you fear becoming. Youve identified thier faults and so now you know not to make thier mistakes. Also don’t worry about money, god has a way of working these things out if you have faith in him. Don’t forget to apply at all the websites that might help with coupons and/or free offers. gerber and enfamil are some. So, don’t worry and have faith and dreams of a beautiful new life for you and your husband.


#15

Try to block out the social pressures. Many people put too much emphasis on the things that don’t matter at all to God, such as college degrees, two car garages, portfolios, retirement plans etc.

Focus on what God asks of us. Spend time reading the Bible to counteract the messages we get bombarded with everyday. I think you will find it easier to be happy when God gives you the gift of a child. You may have to shuffle around some things. The baby isn’t that expensive, if you don’t fall into the traps of thinking you have to buy every latest product out there. Ecological breastfeeding will provide you with some time between pregnancies and is a rewarding experience, but you will have to be able to ignore social pressure again.

People, very good people, get caught up in our plans and lose sight of what God may be asking of them. So, my advise is to read the Bible, everyday and realize that the materialistic things are less important than being the kind of mother that you are called to be.


#16

[quote=katybird]I think your fears are normal, and I think you’d be having them no matter WHEN you got pregnant.

Sure, it’s nice to have money. But, it doesn’t actually solve root problems.

The fact is, you’ve got a husband and you, yourself, seem like a pretty smart cookie. You will all be fine.
[/quote]

:amen: I totally agree! Doubts and worries are normal in pregnancies.

When I had my first baby my husband and I were making $500 a month. We have three more children and we are doing much better now finacially. The important part in all of this is being married to a great man and our strong faith.

Peace,
Jen


#17

all new parents have self doubts it is an awesome responsibility, dont worry you are notyour parents and you will not fall into their pitfalls perhaps there is a support group in your diocese where you can get practical help and advice


#18

Thank you so much for your support. To let you all know…I’m still not sure, I have a doctor’s appointment on thursday and I will find out then. I have been taking supplements just in case and have started to eat healthier, more milk etc.My biggest fear is telling my husband. Not because he won’t be open to it, but because he’ll feel a great deal of financial responsibility even though he already works so hard. I think he may be a bit upset with the loss of “freedom” as well. He likes being able to do whatever we want and not having any strings, so to speak. I’m worried about him adjusting. Have any of you experienced this?

I’ve also began a budget. It’s hard to stick to, but hopefully we can save some money in preparation just in case. Any suggestions on this?
THanks again!!


#19

Praying for you! I second and third all who said that babies are NOT that expensive - breastfeed and wash diapers, car seat and you have it!


#20

If you are really concerned with finances and a baby, spend a few moments and write down what you think you need and perhaps an estimated cost. With three chilldren, our only expense is really diapers and we just downsized to one in diapers. The other choice is cloth diapers, but that’s perhaps a larger up front cost and you’ll want easy access to washing machine/dryer.

We have been inundated with toys and clothes and have friends to borrow from as well. Other items, changing table, crib, baby wipe warmer, diaper genie, etc. I challenge the necessity.

You are already seeing the benefits of children! Working on a budget is great idea (in any circumstance). Eating healthier is also a great idea.

Whatever the outcome, keep up the good work!


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.