Hi everyone…it’s been a while since I have posted…the busy christmas season and all…but know I have a situation.
As you know, I’m married. I’m fairly open to life. I’ve always thought that if I get pregnant, I’ll be happy…but now I don’t know.
Here’s the deal. I’ve been on birth control for a few months (for medical reasons ie hormonal imbalance) and have been doing an awful job at trying to remember when to take them and I often forget all together. My husband and I have been abstaining quite a bit because I was worried about the effect of the B/C if I did get pregnant. That has since been cleared up. Well, I might be pregnant now and my once former self has been replaced by doubt. I’m wondering if this is normal.
Where I used to say that if I got pregnant, I’d be ready, I’d do what I have to do…I know am thinking that we’ll be poor (er than now), I won’t be a good mother, I’m being selfish because I want to finish school, my husband will have to take a second job, I’ll have to take a second job, I won’t have enough time/money/energy to be a mother…I’m just scared.
When I was a child, until I was four, I raised myself and my little sister because my parents were deadbeats and drug addicts. I’m afraid I’ll be just like them, or I will turn out to be my adopted mother, a controlling, manipulative mother.
Part of me is happy (i don’t know if I am yet or not…since I’d only be about 2 weeks if so), but part of me is so incredibly terrified…not only for myself, but for my husband and possible child, and my family and his family who have put so much faith in me to achieve my goals in school and get a good career. I feel I’d be letting them down too.
sorry about the vent…do any of you have any advice?