Me a nun. I'm the last person you would think


I know I’m being called to a vocation as a nun. Specifically a contemplative. But I’m actually astonished by it because I’m the last person anyone would ever think would enter religious life. Before coming back to the catholic faith, my life was steeped in sin. I came back because I literally heard a voice tell me to go back to the catholic church.

Now that I’m back I keep feeling this longing to want to live in a contemplative community. I heard God talking to me in adoration the other day telling me that this is where he wants me. On top of this I have received lots of signs. The biggest one was when I asked God to help me understand if he was calling me to this life. It was either that day or the next I received an email from a Benedictine order (I had asked them to pray for me that I get off a dangerous prescribed drug safely) one of them emailed me back and knew nothing about me feeling called to a vocation. She wrote me said she would pray that our Lady would offer me her YES that I would give my life up to the Lord.

Aside from the signs though I do feel very pulled toward a religious vocation. However here is my big dilemma. I cant do anything about it right now other than pray because I’m going through a horrific prescribed psychotropic drug withdrawal that is severely affecting my mental health and I need to recover from this before I do anything. I have debt as well. So I’m not sure how any of this will ever happen, but I already picked out several communities that I hope to visit. And I really want to get on with it, but I need to wait this out.

Anyway this whole thing has taken my by surprise. If any of my old friends knew I was even considering this they would be on the horn having a field day with gossip and lots of laughs. I cant really believe this myself. Well that where I’m at right now. Any thoughts or suggestions would be welcome. Thanks.


That is awesome! I’m very happy for you, truly. :):):slight_smile:

It certainly sounds like you’re being called to me. What I do know, is that when you definitely are being called, all the doors will open in due time to allow you to do this. Just trust like a child trusts. That is what I’d recommend. When the community actually says they want you too. Then, that is also a confirmation that you have a vocation.

To be called to contemplative vocation is an awesome Grace that none of us could ever deserve, so just be grateful to the nth degree because it’s such an unmerited and yet priceless gift!

We have Benedictines, by the way, in my state if you’re interested!

May Christ be with You Always, sister. :thumbsup:

(Maybe sometime soon, the little “s” shall grow into a bigger “S”!)


If you are going through a “horrific psychotropic drug withdrawal that is severely affecting my mental health”…I DEFINITELY suggest you not make any major, drastic life decisions or changes–especially a change that is very out of character for you, as you pointed out more than once in your post–until you finish this “horrific withdrawal” that is “severely affecting your mental health.” !!!

Also, you want to make sure the voices you are hearing are not linked to any psychoactive drugs you are taking, or withdrawing from. Those are very, VERY, powerful drugs.

I’d check with your doctor to see what kind of mental health symptoms one might experience in this withdrawal phase.



I understand what your saying and I do not intend to do anything until I recover. However I’m not crazy and I do not have auditory hallucinations. The voice I hear is internal, and I trust it’s from God. I am able to differentiate what comes from my own imagination and what comes from the Lord. Although withdrawal from benzodiazapines is horrific, I do feel a lucidness I haven’t felt in a long time. Its as if all the aspects of me while fully on that drug was not really me and the real me is now emerging. So its like a death to my old self. As far as sharing with doctors these kinds of things, I wouldn’t give most doctors that much credit to understand any kind of spiritual awakening. They don’t even understand the mechanics of how difficult and dangerous benzo withdrawal is, hence, I’ve been the one to dictate to them how I must proceed because I’m the one who has to live through these symptoms.

Spiritual matters must be handled by spiritual directors. Not doctors. If my head cracks open any time soon, I’ll go to a doctor.


Thank you JC. I have several contemplative communities not too far from me. Poor Clares, Benedictines, and Carmelites. I’m looking in PA, NY, and NJ areas. Hopefully I’ll be visiting sooner rather than later.


By all means, look locally first.

Nobody can take away the ‘cloister within’ – the cloister of the heart. Interior silence is of utmost importance.

The Visitation of Brooklyn and Philadelphia will permit in-cloister retreats. They follow the Rule of St. Augustine with the Spiritual Directory of St. Francis de Sales.

Keep in mind that Carmel is for everyone. Sts de Sales and Teresa were post-Reformation Doctors of the Church, and IMHO God’s answer to the Protestants.

Here is our site:



for those unfamiliar with Cloisters site… do take a look as it has many useful links in ones vocations search

Sr. Debbie OSC


Thank you, sister!



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