Thomfra, I’m getting a really strong impression here that you’re seeking an experience with God…but the Saints warned us VERY strongly NOT to seek such experiences, because we can easily fall into delusion. St Teresa of Avila, who experienced ecstasies and visions said, DON’T seek such things. If God wants to give them to you, He will. If He doesn’t, He won’t. This is extremely important and I’m warning you from experience… I once sought what you are seeking… I know what you mean… and I almost fell into serious delusion. I hope that you will take this advice… study the writings of St John of the Cross and St Teresa of Avila, they’re filled with wisdom and YEARS of experience
what we are told to do in meditation and contemplation is to LOVE God. Nothing else matters. Even if we feel nothing at all, even if we feel FAR from Him, we are still called to love God. That is the essence of the spiritual life and this is what made the Saints so holy. They received all the experiences because they were humble and didn’t seek them, and didn’t even seek to feel close to God, but only to do His will alone and to love Him selflessly. He gave them these experiences because it was SAFE for them to have… but a person who seeks them, can easily fall into delusion, or pride, and so God doesn’t give these graces to such people for their own sake…so that they will not fall into greater error. He does this out of love and concern. Try to seek humility and doing God’s will first.
I agree with the first person who replied to you… go to Adoration, gaze at a Crucifix… perhaps you won’t at first fall into an ecstasy… so what? you will however gain something infinitely greater, you will see your Savior’s love for you, and you will love Him in return with a sincere heart… meditate on His sufferings, pray the Rosary, that is the best way. It is a humble, simple way, perhaps, but it’s what the Saints recommend and it’s what helped them. When you’re at Adoration, you’re before Jesus PHYSICALLY present before you… isn’t this the greatest gift, next to Communion? Receive the Eucharist and talk to Jesus in your heart… no spiritual experience, no vision, etc, can even compare to this. This is the greatest grace. It’s Jesus, the real, living Jesus, giving Himself to you, out of love…receive Him, be glad, and seek nothing more seek only God’s will, not experiences of God.